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As we all know, it is remarkably easy to give in to the demands of an intense child, just to create peace for one moment!
Another way to help children avoid the pitfalls of overindulgence is to plan ahead for challenging situations.
It is a constant source of amazement to me that young couples will come into my office wanting to talk about marriage while one or both have never written a check or paid a bill. We as parents like to think we are being good parents by making it possible for our kids to have the free time to play sports, be in drama class, become Girl or Boy Scouts and be active in church or social activities. I would like to get my hands on the guy who made the public claim that everyone needs to sow some wild oats before they settle down. I define being spiritually independent as having become a person who is accountable for their own relationship with Jesus Christ. I wanted my children to think for themselves and be responsible for their own emotional makeup. I’ve read all the scary statistics and heard the horror stories, but are trampolines any worse than that new skateboard or bike? Over the next several years we went through several trampolines without any major injuries. As he entered the preteen years, the trampoline became a giant wrestling mat for Billy and his friends.
Yes there were times, when my heart would nearly stop as I watched boy after boy flipping and twirling and coming dangerously close to the edge, but in the end we all survived. Former Home Schooling Mom of a high-flying College kid, enjoying being a single Mom and online FreeBee Queen.
That being said, I read an interesting article recently that listed quite a few ways to get boys away from their video games and I think it made some valid points.
But it never fails, if I turn on the sprinkler in summer, or set up a water play table, or turn on some music, or start baking cookies, all three little boys in my house will suddenly appear at my ankles, wanting to get in on the action.  Kids love our attention and they love doing things with us.
First of all I would say I massively agree with you, when you say that children will almost always drop what they are doing if it means doing something with you or the family. I was positive the novelty of game playing would wear off, but it just never did – And we only had 3 games to choose from! Katie, this has also been our experience with our kids, though we have not tried it to the lengths you did.
Jessica, I too have found that freedom in not really caring what others think of our practices in our home regarding schooling, Screen time, etc. Also, I’ve found that two of my kids get bored with tv after a while, but my 8 yo could watch all day, easily.
My experience is that once the kids got hooked on video games they did not want to do anything else anymore. I recently had the pleasure of auditioning with one of the casting directors for the show, who asked me what tips I had to offer divorced parents about co-parenting. Working together to help your kids through rough times and assist them in solving their problems. Being on the same page to raise your kids with good values and shape them into productive, loving, caring, happy adults. Together, helping them make decisions so they can achieve their goals and fulfill their dreams.
In closing, effective co-parenting can end up being a really pleasant experience, because even though you are no longer married, you are raising your children together, which is truly what your babies need, and what in the end is fulfilling. You know that song, “Love Never felt so good?” by Michael Jackson and Justin Timberlake? You are with relatives, and know that a fit could occur if you remain firm, so you take the path of least resistance. If you have the decisions made in advance about whether you are going to leave the store with a toy, or without a toy, you are relieved of the possibility of an argument. If you are giving all your time to their activities, and have no time for your spouse or significant other (or yourself), that’s a good sign that things need adjusting. That goal is to prepare each child so they can be 100% ready to become an independent person as they move from teenage years into being a young adult.
Not only have they not talked about how they would survive financially, they have not talked about budgets or discussed their individual financial goals.
Somewhere down inside of us, parents must think that jobs (and working for a living) will come soon enough and don’t rush it. Because really, that’s why the average kid wants to spend all their free time playing video games, isn’t it? Sort of like if I said to you, “Okay, you can eat absolutely as much chocolate as you want.


It’s a wild combination of directly spending time with your kids and offering them fun alternatives to video games. Reality dating and divorce shows seem to be the new craze right now, which is of particular interest to me (obviously.) This includes “Co-Parenting 101” a new NBC reality show in production. It is very important when communicating to co-parent to avoid bringing up things from the past that have nothing to do with the benefit of your kids. It’s really sad, but society makes us believe that if you are kind and you get along with your ex, that is strange.
Good co-parenting and getting along like two old friends doesn’t mean there is hope you are getting back together. My parents are still married, so it’s sometimes hard for me to know how my kids are feeling. The bottom line about co-parenting is, it’s about putting the best interest of your kids ahead of your feelings and your ego. Or you are at home, and need to get out the door for a soccer game or doctor’s appointment.
It is REMARKABLY EASY to get into the mindset that if my child isn’t in every conceivable activity in the third grade, he will miss out on something vital to his happiness.
But with new information to motivate your actions, make a plan for reducing overindulgence and bringing balance back to life. That does not sound like a very unusual goal but it gets lost under the pressures of daily life.
Even worse are parents who step in and take the cost of bad behavior upon themselves when it should be the children who pay. Every child takes their nasty, matted (and usually soggy) tangled shoe laces to their mom or dad to untangle. Parents worry because after school and homework and sports, all their kids want to do is play video games! I don’t care if you eat chocolate for all three meals a day!” How long would you really choose to ride that chocolate freedom train?
Our kids are also home schooled and spend most of their time at home, so we have to get pretty creative with how we spend our days. But they get their chores done and they play with each other and as you said, they’re happy to drop it when we have fun family time.
Our pediatrician gave our kids a max of two hours of screen time per day and we homeschool.
Is it necessary to say something to your ex like, “Well, when he’s at your house, he doesn’t get enough sleep, so I think that’s the reason his grades have dropped.” It’s Ok to think it, but saying it will hinder your co-parenting efforts, which is bad for your kids.
For example, conversations between divorced people can always lead to harsh statements like, “Well, maybe if you didn’t cheat, we’d still be married and we wouldn’t be having this conversation.” Is that helping your kids? It might even be off-putting to the new people that the divorced couple are dating or married to. It might be hard for some couples to be friendly, because maybe one of them will interpret it as wanting to get back together. But if you try to think, “How would I feel if I was a 12 year old, and if my mom wouldn’t let my dad come into her house?” it might cause you to let your ex come in. There have been times I made mistakes and exhibited bad co-parenting behavior, and there have been times I am proud of the actions I took to effectively co-parent.
But there’s one word that really, really, really slows down the process of moving on: regret.
You give in to the child who refuses to get into the car by over-promising something you can’t or don’t want to deliver. Illnesses and injuries catch us off guard and are emotionally (and sometime financially) draining. Most are driving cars that were provided by parents (or at least some of the major expenses have been covered by parents). Without ever taking the leadership role themselves for their own lives, they fail to give the parental leadership needed to teach their own families. I have also found recently that they are really good about sharing the NOOK together for read aloud stories (or the oldest will read to the younger two) and some learning games with minimal supervision. My husband and I did a month-long test last summer, to see what it would take to get our boys (our daughter too, actually) to put the games away and how much they would actually play if we let them call the shots. It really affected their overall behavior somehow too, so it made me wonder if they just mentally weren’t able to handle it or something, do to their ages.
They don’t have much downtime anymore (compared to before) and they spend about an hour a day playing iPod games. My boys adore movies and games, but my daughter wants to get online and use one of her favorite websites to play a game on.


They just spent many miserable months or years together, followed by a non-pleasant divorce. You might be thinking, “Forget it!” But a therapist can help teach a couple how to talk to each other in divorce, making co-parenting easier and more effective, and keeping kids happier and well adjusted.
We know that all of this can undermine your authority, leaving you to feel guilty about being an ineffective parent, but what is going on for the child? Create roles for each child, based on their strengths, and uphold those roles as special and necessary whenever you can.
Overindulgence causes him to miss out on something vital to his happiness … the ability to entertain himself in his own way.
We face homework, practice sessions, tutors or team meetings and the pressure only gets worse as we move along.
Working in an environment that requires accountability, stability, punctuality, self-discipline, commitment, and willingness to accept authority should not be put off until later. The mother was complaining that she was struggling to pay the daughter’s THIRD traffic ticket! However, if they start fighting while playing video games, I will have them turn it off and walk away for a bit.
Over the course of the month, occasionally they would join us if we came up with some bright idea, usually involving leaving the house.
This is especially true if your community (friends, church, other homeschoolers) don’t approve. While video games are an always changing, action packed, full of immediate gratification environment.
Author and researcher Jeanne Illsley Clarke has found that as overindulged children grow into adulthood, they are burdened with lowered self-esteem as parents, dysfunctional attitudes, and decreased adaptability in the family. The tears would have subsided before the shoe string was finally free of tangles and I would turn their faces toward mine. I can see the behavior part of it being different when they are older, and more able to communicate with each other and understand fair play….
I would say that it is a more likely comparison to drugs or alcohol as it whisks you away from this blase (in comparison) world, to whatever you want to be with a press of a button. If you feel you can get it done better and faster by doing it yourself, even though your child could do it, stop yourself right there.
Turn off the TV, set some expectations for an afternoon of creativity, and watch what happens. Insist that they mow lawns, babysit, do community service jobs with little financial reward or raise money for a worthy long-term goal to build these work ethic habits.
The mother seemed offended that anyone might think that her half-way-grown-up child would have to get a job and work to pay for her traffic ticket. Instead, they played so much that occasionally they claimed they weren’t hungry enough to eat, or they would get headaches from staring at the screen so much. Whenever that feeling comes over you, remember that it is a warning sign that you might be missing an opportunity to give your child what she needs. We need to you start teaching parents that mature parents need teach to correct attitudes to their children. I’m trying to find another job, but in the meantime, if you have any suggestions for this type of scenario, I’d love to hear them! My daughter even occasionally claimed headache, dizziness and fatigue… and one time even puked! We have actually moved on to the Kinect, and I have found that this has one big perk: It is So physical, that they literally could not play it all day even if they tried. It isn’t necessary to constantly communicate, or to talk on the phone for hours, but for those of you who are stubborn and are saying things like, “I will never, ever speak to him again as long as I live,” think again. It’s time to slow down now, offer the child a chance to perform a task she’s good at, and pat yourself on the back for assuring her happy adulthood. If they want to cook with me, they can, but they usually choose to play their games or watch shows. Our month long test was not only an utter fail, but it inspired us to move video gaming to Saturdays, where they could do it with Dad and still allow themselves a bit of creativity during the week.



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Comments

  1. sensiz_geceler, 18.07.2015
    Ones to hold their bladders, you speak to her about the daycare.
  2. Killer_girl, 18.07.2015
    With no any accidents, and then just when we believed we could see.
  3. HAMLET, 18.07.2015
    Out to be totally potty trained until.