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July 21, 2015 by Amanda 15 Comments Facebook Twitter Google+ PinterestKids having temper tantrums can be hard to manage.
No matter how well behaved a child is, every child is going to have tantrums now and again. But once we understand why kids have temper tantrums we can more effectively help our kids through them.
Kids have temper tantrums because the parts of their brain that allows them to think logically isn’t developed yet. Brains aren’t fully developed until our mid-twenties, and the last part that develops is the frontal lobe, which is the abstract thinking part. When something happens that upsets them, even when it’s something small, their limbic system activates. There is no thinking or problem solving in the limbic system, it is pure emotions and impulses.
When a child is having a temper tantrum, their limbic systems is fully activated and their frontal lobe isn’t developed enough to help them think clearly about what upset them. One of the quickest, most effective ways to stop a temper tantrum, and connect with your child, is to meet them in their limbic system. The problem is that our kids are not functioning in the logical part of their brain during a temper tantrum. The best, and easiest way to stop the tantrum, is to connect with their emotional brain, because that is where their brain is currently functioning and engaged. Statements like these let your child know that you are paying attention and that you see that they are upset. You might have to make several of these statements before they hear you, but eventually it will work. Once you get their attention and connect with them, you can then start asking questions and dealing with the problem at hand.
When my son is throwing a fit and is inconsolable, I sit quietly with him and just wait it out. Get down on their level (face to face) so you can connect with them and be less intimidating. I was a Mental Health Counselor who worked with children and mothers in both individual and group counseling environments before I became a Stay at Home Mom to two boys. There are some kids who throw tantrums for attention, others who throw tantrums because of emotional explosion, and still others who may throw a tantrum or two in their life and then be all done with tantrums. But if your son was 2 before he ever showed any behavior that resembled a tantrum, then you had some pretty well-behaved kids! As a children’s counselor myself, I have to agree with Amanda here that educating on the emotions and understanding their feelings is a VERY important part of the process.
October 30, 2015 by Amanda 3 Comments Facebook Twitter Google+ PinterestToddler Temper Tantrums, we’ve all witnessed them. As she lies there in the aisle, you’re standing there staring at your child, trying to decide your next move. You feel their judging eyes, the embarrassment bubbles up in your chest and your heart starts pounding. You scoop up your screaming daughter and run toward the exit, leaving your full cart of groceries behind.
After you leave the store and wrangle your still screaming child into her seat, you fall against the side of the car and text your husband. You ask him to swing by and get milk on the way home from work.
Temper tantrums are going to happen, there’s nothing that we can do that will prevent them from ever happening. Even though there’s nothing we can do from preventing a child from ever throwing a tantrum, there are some things we can do to make a tantrum less likely. A hungry and tired child is more likely to melt down than a child who’s needs are taken care of.
A routine will allow you to know the times of day to schedule appointments and plan for errands. If you’re having a busy day and you know that lunch will be later than usual, bring a snack.

When parents fail to anticipate the needs of their child, it’s understandable that that child might fall apart. A lot of tantrums, at least in my house, happen when I’m distracted and my toddler wants my attention. Since that proverbial slap in the face, I’ve been more conscious of my time on the phone when my children are around.
I know distractions can cause problems, and that’s all the proof I needed to be more aware of my own screen time.
Studies show that not enough playtime can affect emotional development and problems of self-control and attention. One sure-fire way to cause a tantrum is to keep a toddler busy all day, without any time for free play. Remember that every child is different and some techniques will work better for some kids than others. I have a preschooler who never was a big tantrum kid and a toddler who is starting to have small outburst type tantrums. How obedient you want your child (denying self) versus how mentally healthy in freedom of their own wishes and expressions is a see sawing choice. Now, my grandson is 23 months- loving the time with him as a Grama- when I get to see him…he has just begun this stage. In my opinion, I think we tend to coddle bad behavior and inadvertently reinforce it by doing so. It sounds like your son may have been throwing a tantrum for attention or to get something that he wanted, and since you didn’t do anything about it, he learned not to do it again.
Tantrums (screaming, scratching or hurting someone else, arching back and falling to the floor) can happen as early as 10 months sometimes, if not earlier!
Ignoring a behavior may stop the behavior from happening again if it was due to a need for attention, but ultimately kids need to be able to understand their own emotions in order to be successful in life.
I feel he is too young to use some of these techniques (deep breathing, acknowledging his feelings, etc.) but I need something effective. By using reminders and timers, you can effectively stave off tantrums when it’s time for your child to move onto the next thing. But children become somewhat intellectually capable of controlling their bodies in relationship to adult’s ordering by about age 7.
If you can walk away from the first tantrum (or early ones) without endangering your child–I urge you to do so. Ignoring these types of tantrums may not always be an option, and in some cases, it can be harmful both for the kid and the others surrounding him, so I appreciate that you mentioned that you wanted to keep your son safe during his tantrum and that you were able to.
Last summer they started but I attributed it to molars and would try to stay calm and keep her calm.
While this article is big on the brain story to legitimize theory and very ageist, respecting people’s emotions is applicable for all ages but our system is imbalanced with handing out respect for all humans.
This is pretty uncharacteristic of him, but there was no talking or breaking through to him while he was so angry at my decision. After a full minute of doing this to no avail, he picked himself up, dusted off his snowsuit, and jumped into my waiting arms. Just know that there’s no perfect parent, no perfect child and no perfect life in this world. The undeveloped brain idea has more to do with exposure to teachings and more complex in application than this article implies.
Hopefully your recommendations will help when we talk through the situation after school when he should be in a calmer frame of mind. We had our second child 5 months ago and of course in the beginning it was rough but now she loves her sister. But if you can keep working on them, even though you may only do them half of the time, it would probably be good enough.
Recently she has started crying, screaming, pulling her hair out, and physically trying to hurt me or whoever is near by scratching or hitting.
I try to remain calm but sooner or later I break and either leave her with whoever is in the room or I end up having to pop her because she is being so ugly.

She’ll want to do something and we start then a fit with the mentioned emotions start out of nowhere. We  are programmed to copy other’s actions (mirror-neurons) to understand them and to incorporate them into our own1 Children in particular watch everything their parents do very carefully. I’m not sure if I need to talk to her pediatrician or someone with a speciality in childhood psychology. Only what you choose to do (or give) in the name of love can — things like material indulgence, leniency, low expectation and over-protection. Showing these acts of love can trigger the release of feel-good hormones such as oxytocin, opioids and prolactin2. These connections create our thoughts, drive our actions, shape our personalities and basically determine who we are.
They will have the ability to experience positive experiences themselves and offer them to others. Being a parent means you need to teach your child the moral in what is right and what is wrong. When different parts of the brain are integrated, they can function harmoniously as a whole, which means less tantrums, more cooperative behavior and more empathy. Even those who had a happy childhood may want to change some aspects of how they were brought up. Reflecting on our own childhood is a step towards understanding why we parent the way we do. Often times, things such as your own health or the health of your marriage are kept on the back burner when a child is born. Take good care of yourself physically and mentally. If these two areas fails, your child will suffer, too5Tip #8: No SpankingNo doubt, to some parents, spanking can bring about short-term compliance6 which sometimes is a much needed relief for the parents. If you’re like most parents, you want your child to do well in school, be productive, be responsible and independent, enjoy meaningful relationships with you and others, be caring and compassionate, and have a happy, healthy and fulfilling life. If you’re like most parents, you probably spend most of the time just trying to get through the day. Many parenting practices or traditions have been scientifically researched, verified, refined or refuted. For good scientific parenting information and advice, here is one my favorite parenting websites Parenting Science, and one of my favorite books The Science of Parenting.Using scientific knowledge is by no means a one-size fits all strategy. But why risk the damages some of the sub-par practices may create while there’re well researched, better ones?
Friends and I were talking about spanking at the week-end and I agree with you, smacking has more to do with me loosing control that the child.
But I will be trying to change some things for the future because like you said it will be worth it. Thank you so much for linking up to Share With Me I hope to see you again tomorrow for another great round!
I don’t spank my children but my neighbors do and sometimes they do it right outside while the kids are playing.
I think more people should read your blog and follow the tips and advice that you are giving us. We are all learning tried and true methods that have worked for others instead of trying to learn something on our own. Being a good role model is definitely THE thing to do if parents can only do one thing for their child.
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  1. SKINXED, 18.07.2015
    Potty train your son, there is no sense.
  2. ZAYKA, 18.07.2015
    You step in a tiny present she left behind when she hubby has been waking.
  3. Kitten, 18.07.2015
    And their parents to get the for their child to understand how deal of it to get by way.
  4. SEXPOTOLOQ, 18.07.2015
    Had a three-day weekend to potty train.
  5. periligun, 18.07.2015
    Utilizing the toilet slow down the pace.