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There have been plenty of times when my daughter would burst into tears after playing a board game.
But if I give up, what message am I sending to her? At 5 years old, Princess enjoys playing all sorts of board games.
He advises parents to let their kids beat them sometimes, so that they can see how Mom or Dad handle being graceful losers. On the other end of the spectrum are games that are entirely skill-based that aren’t any fun to play against a far more skilled player (like Memory where a very skilled player could run the board).
When my father played games with me when I was young, he gave me a handicap appropriate to my age. Claudia Boyd-Barrett Claudia Boyd-Barrett is a long-time journalist based in southern California.
Joe” Taravella is the Supervisor of Pediatric Psychology at NYU Langone Medical Center’s Rusk Rehabilitation. Joe makes some very interesting points, I don’t believe that you have to let children win in order to show them how to win with grace. I have passed by matches that I know are there several times to give him a chance to learn to find them, but I also will suggest that we play a cooperative version where we work together to find the matches when he gets frustrated. Games like Candyland, Chutes and Ladders, or war have no decision-making or skill involved, so the only way to lose on purpose would be to let the child cheat (which obviously you shouldn’t do).
Those types of games are almost certainly going to require adjusting your own play just so your child can feel like they got to participate in the game. For starters look at games produced by Haba and Peaceable Kingdom for the pre-K early elementary crowd. Both of us then got the opportunity to both win and lose and I got to learn from both of those outcomes. Then the waterworks begin and I feel terrible on the inside, but on the outside I remain composed.
Joe says that parents should beat their kids and follow up with a handshake to show them how it is to win gracefully. I think there’s a pretty wide spectrum between always letting your kid win and always striving to win, yourself. On the other hand, the kid is going to win about half the games without having to actually have any skill, so those games are useful for teaching how to be a good loser. By the time they reach pre-k and kindergarten, children should begin playing by the rules, he says.
Being autistic is not a free pass in life, and he needed to learn how to win and lose on his own. My kids love playing them because you have to learn to work as a team so that either everyone wins, or everyone loses together.
Sportsmanship can be modeled by the parent as they and their children work to together to succeed or fail. It’s a great way to introduce the concepts of winning and losing without the meltdowns. Again, the key here is to get past the games we knew as a kids and not simply accept what Walmart, Target, Toys-R-Us, etc. Then start working in some games like Sneaky Snacky Squirrel (a family favorite of ours) where there is a clear winner.
After all, what’s the point of playing if you know you’re not going to be allowed to try your best and maybe win? We also started letting our boys (4 and 7) play some of the old Wii sports games as a team so that they could build the social skills necessary for video gaming. Now they are playing more advanced games and can win and lose pretty gracefully most of the time.




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