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Something I've been thinking about over the expanse of this pregnancy is what happens after the pregnancy.
Now, I'm not about to get personal on you here, but this is a topic that a lot of women in the religious Jewish community have to deal with, and I think it would be nice to have a quick, concise understanding of what happens once baby arrives. When a woman isn't pregnant or breastfeeding and her menstrual cycle is functioning as normal as one does, she goes through the ebb and flow of being a niddah.
A woman is considered niddah after her menstrual cycle ends and she experiences seven clean days without bleeding and when the total of bleeding + clean days adds up to at least 12 days.
Once the clean days have finished, a woman goes to mikvah (the ritual bath as its known) and dunks, and is once again back to normal life with her husband. In the final stages of labor, a woman becomes a yoledet, which puts her in the same category as niddah.
I'm struggling a little bit with this concept, especially because (in my mind) after you give birth or in those final moments you want your partner's hand to squeeze and a kiss after going through the crazy ordeal of bringing a miniature human into the world, but it's all hand's off because of niddah. This might be one of the reasons that doulas are a popular addition to the Jewish birthing process, me thinks.
Something I've been thinking about over the expanse of this pregnancy is what happens after the pregnancy.


Yes, there will be a baby and chaos and madness and a lack of sleep and insanity, but what happens between husband and wife?
Contrary to popular belief, niddah doesn't mean "unclean" or "dirty," but rather "separate" or "moved" according to ritual impurity. Yes, that means most women will spend half the month and year in niddah, unable to do a variety of things like having sex with her spouse. There are a ton of different aspects of the birthing process that complicate or intensify things like whether it's a natural birth or C-section, whether she's having a boy or a girl, and so on. Luckily, Rav Moshe Feinstein has said that it's okay for the husband to be in the birthing room supporting his wife, but there's still a hands-off approach (Igrot Moshe Yoreh Deah 2:75). Giving birth is such an all-sensory experience, I find it hard to imagine not sharing the physical side with Mr.
Once the bleeding after birth stops, you have to count seven clean days and visit the mikvah. Your period can return anywhere between 11 weeks and 24 months after you give birth, depending on oodles of different factors. I've never been a super touchy-feely person when it comes to significant others, but I've grown to enjoy the comfort of knowing there's a kiss or hug around the corner when I need it.


Once-a-month getaways with some silence and relaxation to reconnect to myself, my body, and HaShem? Yes, the term impure is a pretty loaded term, but there are plenty of ways for men to become impure as well.
There are differing opinions on the 12 days rule among different groups of Jews, and Yoatzot.org goes into some of those here. Then you're back to that pre-baby pregnancy bliss of being able to canoodle your spouse whenever you like. Some women start menstruating right away and can get pregnant immediately, others opt for birth control to regulate things and put off a baby a bit further.
Knowing that birth can do all sorts of wackadoodle things to your hormones has me in a bit of a stomach knot, because observing the laws of taharat ha'mishpacha means that you live within the confines of Torah and it doesn't bend to your will or want -- even when you think you need it. For a woman in the midst of birth, I can imagine, this can be a pretty emotionally rotten time for her husband to be completely hands off.



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