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Empower Others to Get All A's & Share!000000Sharing custody of your children is far from a walk in the park. One schedule that works well for older kids who are busy with playdates, ball games and practices is called “2-2-5.” In this plan, the kids spend two days with mom, two days with dad and then alternating Fridays through Sundays between the parents.
Even though your marriage didn’t work out, you and your former spouse can still make a great parenting team.
Identity Magazine is all about empowering women to get all A’s in the game of life – Accept.
I appreciate the fact that I’m a loving and caring mom, wife and “pet parent” who focuses more on my family’s happiness and being there for them, rather than always having a dust-free piano.
One of my most rewarding achievements has been working as a freelance writer for the past 16 years; I love the fact that I work from home and can schedule my work around my family. I guess like many women I’m hoping to find ways to use my daily 24 hours as productively as possible; I love getting out to walk with my family and at least one dog at a time, but too often I run out of time. The quirks that create my identity…my silly sense of humor about a lot of things—my kids roll their eyes when I’m putting away groceries, spot a bunch of bananas and start talking into one of them like it’s a phone. Join over 65,000 women to Increase your happiness, self-worth and success by downloading over $1,500 in free tools and gifts!
Recently my Ex had a discipline issue come up with our son and decided to punish him by not letting him go to football practice. His Mom expected me to back her up and told me (yes, told me) I couldn’t take him to practice. While you have a right to be bent about how Mom handed things off, she did have one thing right.  Parents should show a united front on discipline issues. Sounds like what happened was Mom lost her cool and wanted to dish out a consequence that showed your son who’s boss. Before another incident crops up, I’d suggest setting aside some time to revisit the situation with Mom. To set the stage for success, let Mom know that you want to be supportive and in theory, you agree that the two of you need to back each other up.  To avoid creating a rift between the two of you, work together to set up some ground rules for moving forward. Each of you may also want to brainstorm a list of appropriate consequences for minor behavior issues that don’t involve the other household.  When an issue crops up you’re not stuck coming up with something on the fly.
If talking to each other beforehand isn’t an option, make an agreement not to give a consequence that impacts the other parent’s time. For most kids, not knowing what Mom and Dad are going to do is more nerve-racking than the actual punishment. Put yourself out there as a united front It might also be wise to let the kids know that from this point forward you and Mom will be talking about discipline issues. Keep time with a parent sacred Limiting or taking away quality time with a parent is rarely a good discipline option.


Get em where it hurts So what do you do?  When a line has been crossed and you need to set a consequence focus on limiting activities that don’t make a positive contribution to the quality of your children’s lives.
There are a number of reasons co-parents find it such a task to get along and come to agreements. Take Time to Reflect – Consider the ways in which your behaviours and actions are affecting the children. From dividing up holidays to shuttling your kids back and forth between your homes, it can lead to some stressful moments. While you want your former spouse to have full responsibility and time with your kids, it doesn’t take away the fact that you will miss them.
Make sure your kids have a reliable smartphone, like the iPhone, and set up a time to check in with them through a quick FaceTime chat.
Kids need to know that they are living with the same sets of rules and expectations, no matter which home they happen to be in at the time.
For example, you should decide together if your daughter can attend band camp this summer and which school your son will attend.
My not-so-perfect way is that I sometimes forget to take care of myself because I’m so busy taking care of others. Based in the Phoenix, Arizona area, Alison enjoys writing about a wide variety of topics, but especially loves meeting interesting people and telling their stories. It’s not okay, however for either one of you to put your foot down and expect the other parent to enforce it without having any input. For example, instead of saying “No” to football (which is actually a great thing for your son to be involved in) consider putting the TV on house arrest, not letting him hang out with friends on the weekend, putting the cell phone in time out or packing up the play station in his room. Emotions get in the way, whether they be anger, resentment, jealousy, or other forms of hurt. Here are six to keep in mind, brought forward by experts in the field and parents who know what it’s like. In order to stay level-headed and positive, you must also put a stop to any mean words your family and friends may have to share about your ex.
In order to find your sanity and co-parent effectively, you have to be willing to accept the obstacles and be ready to overcome them each and every day.
It is important to come up with a custody arrangement that is ideal for your kids’ needs, activities and ages — and then stick to it. Let your kids know that you are always available to talk to them or to help them, even when they are at the other parent’s home. Smartphones also are great tools for helping your kids with their homework — you can talk them through fourth grade math over the phone — or for talking through their day if they want to vent about something at school. While you may do certain minor things differently — for example, you might let your kids stay up a half hour later on weekends while your ex-spouse puts them to bed at the usual time — it’s important that as many things as possible are the same in both homes.


If your kids try to play one parent against the other, be clear that you are a united force and going behind your back to get the other parent to agree is not going to work. Achieve.™ Every contributor and expert answer the Identity 5 questions in keeping with our theme. Sharing what you love about yourself will make you smile, feel empowered, and uplift your spirit and soul.
I don’t have my kids very often and when I do, I look forward to spending time with them and enjoying it.
Instead of telling him he can’t go with you to football practice, she could say, “How you’re behaving is a problem. While your son may say you’re killing him, missing out on those activities won’t have a long-term negative impact. As expert and family law practitioner Alisa Peskin-Shepard put it, it is simply unreasonable to expect two people who could not get along while married can suddenly co-parent without help.
But when it comes down to it, pettiness only gets in the way of raising the children in a positive atmosphere. When you are feeling frustrated, the thought of keeping your little ones happy can be a great way to calm down and see things a little more clearly. As co-parents you are not in anything alone, nor can you ever function outside of the team.
Keeping the lines of communication open is the best way to ensure neither parent feels left out or brushed off. Yes, it can be tough to juggle extracurricular activities, your work schedules and child care issues, but it’s vital that you come up with a workable and predictable plan. And, of course, they may need to contact you if they forgot something important at your home. Their answers can be random and in the moment or they can be aligned with the above article.
As much as your support system cares about you, you have to make them understand that for your own good you have to move on. Trust that, like yourself, your ex loves your child and is willing to bend over backwards for their happiness.
There is certainly nothing to be gained from that, and in the process you may even lose your child’s respect.



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Comments

  1. Dj_SkypeGirl, 23.12.2014
    Him into the potty-chair area and each and every youngster learns.
  2. 66, 23.12.2014
    Not often tell me when she has.