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If you’re a parent or stepparent in a blended family, chances are you’ve experienced some situations that left you feeling stumped, confused or stressed.
According to recent statistics, about sixty-five percent of remarriages create blended families. Discipline only your biological child – this is a must, not a tip but more of a must. A single mom (Drew Barrymore) and a single dad (Adam Sandler) have an unfortunate first date and though they would be glad to never see each other again, they end up on laugh- filled family vacation together. While this seems like a no brainer, sometimes parents take a back seat to overseeing their teenager. Be firm about enforcing your rules, but encourage your teenager when they make smart decisions. Last year Statistics South Africa (Stats SA) published the latest divorce statistics based on 21 998 completed divorce forms they had received. Get support, therapy or some kind of intervention on how to deal with your new challenging situation. Listeners sharing their experiences in blended families:Andrew in East Rand has two children from his previous marriage. The reasons behind Mapisa-Nqakula's decision to allow a Burundian woman to accompany her on an official flight remain unclear. Legal expert and political analyst Richard Calland rocked the Friday Stand In show and caused a stir during one of his interviews. Richard Calland speaks to author Marianne Thamm and American writer Ron Irwin about their experience of writing books. Dr Schomer's tips on raising children with different talents and characters, and how to encourage their uniqueness.
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It is key that we teach our children to express their feelings, affirm a sense of fairness and establish the importance of treating each other with love and respect. As a mom and member of a blended family myself, I’ve found that the challenges and rewards never stop coming. Transitions: In blended families, kids?are frequently?moving back and forth between houses. The greatest allegiance is between parents and kids. Despite what parents want, in blended families, the greatest allegiance is between parents and biological children, not blending parents or the couple. The primary parent remains in charge of discipline. The primary parent needs to enforce all discipline for his or her kids.
Stepparents need to “focus on connection, not correction.” As a stepparent, your primary concern is establishing a positive relationship and connection to the children you are blending with.
Before you can discipline them, you must first win their trust and when they become more comfortable with you as if you are not a step mom or dad but family.


It’s the transition from childhood into adulthood, and for many it can be hard to figure out where you stand in life.
Even if your teenager doesn’t agree with your rules, allow them to share their opinion with you. Without sugar-coating the truth or pretending to be perfect, we address the issues that come up in our daily lives and in conversations with our friends–and explore every option for developing successfully as a blended family. There are times as a parent that you just want the fussing to stop, but hushing isn’t always helpful. I quickly realized the importance of addressing the issue and not the argument. The stresses that blended families face run from practical and logistical surface issues to deep-seated emotional ones. When there are different child supports and alimony involved, it?s best if parents forming a blended family meet with a financial planner who can spell out the reality objectively so that both parents hear the same message, agree to the expectations and a financial plan that works before committing.
Depending on divorce agreements and prior arrangements, blended parents may have little input into how these transitions will impact their family. As much as possible, step back and allow for private visitations with the kids and the parent from the?family of origin. No matter how much parents want children to blend, they are not ready until they are ready.
Therefore, the parent that is coming into the blended family and who will assume the role of stepparent needs to take a back seat when parenting their stepkids. This can be very difficult for stepparents to accept once they live with the new blended family. As much as possible, try to ignore annoying behavior — try to let the primary parent handle it.
Children in a blended family?have already been in position of conflict in their families of origin.
They aren’t being disloyal or loving their original parents any less because they are developing a new connection with a stepparent. A few weeks into our marriage we ran into another couple that had blended their family successfully. There are so many physical and emotional demands on your time and it is very easy to find yourselves acting like business partners and forget the real reason why you got married.
Also, only when you are given the go by their own mom or dad to do a little disciplining can you do it. While I was compensated by POPSUGAR to write a post about Blended, all opinions are my own. If you’re the parent of a teenager or two, you know the difficulties that come along with this transition.
But there are children involved from both sides and now all of a sudden you are a step mom or step dad.
He says his wife’s eldest son (21) is refusing to do chores and he wants to come home after curfew. She says the respect her and her husband have for each other has rubbed off to the children. You see, the fight is about a toy or object, but the issue is about feeling that everyone is equally treated and valued. Ask children what they think is fair, particularly if they were in the other person’s shoes.
We’ve found that the keys to success are communication, support — and a willingness to step back. In other words, visitation may not change to fit the needs of the new family- accept this in advance. So for example, if a parent has two dinners with their children a week, try to allow them to have those visits with the kids from the family of origin without the ?new children? This is also one reason to avoid blending until a really solid connection is made between stepparent and stepchildren. It’s natural that parents will have differences in parenting styles and they need to communicate about this separately from their children?
Now they are at risk for having this repeated in a blended family if parents disagree over the parenting plan, for example.
They surprised us with the best piece of advice we ever received and it didn’t even come from a counselor or cost us anything: “If you can just survive the 1st year!” The statistics are not good for 2nd marriages, ESPECIALLY ones that involve blending children. For us it was critical the first year to get away at least quarterly and then at least twice a year after that, even if it was only for a few days.
There is something so remarkable about a child’s ability to handle discipline from an already bonded parent, whereas coming from a new step-parent it comes across as hatred rather than love. At times, while your teenager may mean the best they may be disrespectful as they try to establish their own identity.


However, taking a step back to allow them to do as they please also opens the door for them to break established rules. If your teenager talks back make it clear you love them, but they’re not to talk to you like that. He recently threatened to stop paying for his university fees if he doesn’t stop being disrespectful. And Ben’s children, who were used to having siblings in the household, were aware of the financial differences between households and kept tabs. The publication has been a staple in the homes and businesses of Black Americans since 1951, bringing life to its popular catchphrase: If it wasn't in JET, it didn't happen.
As much as possible, talk about these issues away from the kids, and present a united front. Ease into disciplining each other’s children over time when you have earned their love and respect.
If one person was extremely negative we invited them to leave and return when they could be more positive. If your child sees you paying attention to what they have to say they will also learn to have respect for you in return. At this time in their life teenagers want to be treated like results, but in many ways are still children themselves. They will come to understand in time why you insisted on them showing the proper respect to not only you, but other people. In a 1st marriage you have the time before a child arrives to get to know each other and bond together.
Many children feel like they are betraying their other biological parent to use that title for someone else. Sometimes to keep it short, we asked everyone to express one thing they loved about our family and one thing they felt we could improve on.
While it may seem you’re being harsh at first, explain to them rules are there for a reason. As they start to become an adult it helps to let them know their opinions do matter to you. Moreover, all parties want to know that they belong in this “new family,” and aren’t simply houseguests. In this kind of a blend, you bond as a couple at the same time you are trying to bond as a whole family.
Of course there are times when the biological parent is not around and something must be said or done.
When they get older your teenager will understand while you insisted on them staying home to study rather than going out to party. It really helped us to relax a little knowing that it is tough for others also, not just us. Some tried something close like “Papa” or “Momz.” Lee’s youngest suddenly one day began to call me “Mom”. At Holiday time, we ask everyone to write down several things that makes the holidays more meaningful to them. Instead of fighting over rooms, we asked everyone to write down on a slip of paper what their 1st, 2nd & 3rd choice was for a bedroom. It shocked me, but I realized she had that desperate need, so I quickly adjusted and got used to it. People wouldn’t believe it!” That somehow helped us to laugh our way through the challenges. Then we read them all and try to figure out how to fit some of each person’s desires into the allotted amount of time. People end up doing things they wouldn’t normally enjoy because they know it is important to someone else. Even though your values may be very similar there are sooo many family culture differences. We used the downstairs (where the children’s bedrooms were) to hang pictures from their childhood, including former parents so they could stay connected to their past and also get to know each other.



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Comments

  1. sdvd, 04.03.2015
    Beginning of the potty training procedure will make him.
  2. 032, 04.03.2015
    Rainbow Babies final few days, I guess.