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This week's topic is something that I wish I'd read about 2 weeks ago: keeping MY cool during meltdowns. This is totally natural - our bodies are programmed to respond this way, because we perceive our child's outburst as a threat. So the hard part is that my kids are going to feel big, deep feelings no matter what I do, and according to Dr. I don't need to act on my anger or panic, and when I keep it under control, I'm modeling to them the same thing.
As long as she is not hurting herself or someone else, or interrupting something important, there is no emergency. So now I know how to walk myself through my own emotions during my child's meltdowns, but how do I help them walk through their own emotions without making the problem worse and help them learn to regulate themselves? I appreciate your comments and conversation - please leave your email address when commenting so I can respond!


You all gave me some great tips and also the reassurance that this parenthood thing is pretty hard but that we're not in it alone - how lucky I am! It's hard to break life-long habits and sometimes I feel overwhelmed by my commitment to raising my girls without physical discipline, because it's just what most people around here DO. This book is so packed with innovative information, I'm pretty sure this will be a loooong series.
Yes, it's important to learn how to help my kids work through their tantrums and big feelings, but they can only do that when I'm calm and in control. Laura explains that children get upset often because of their cognitive immaturity, and that they are still developing the neural pathways to calm themselves. My new favorite catchphrase is "feelings are not an emergency, feelings are not an emergency," and it actually helps!
Laura, the only question is whether I will make it OK for them to feel or teach them that their  big feelings are "dangerous." If isn't expressed, it gets stuffed! But this is a hard one for me, especially when other people are present because I'm a pleaser.


We want to get away (flight), experience a sudden rage and the desire to make them shut up (fight), or we just go numb (freeze). Markham emphasizes the need for parents to witness their kids' displays of emotions and not to try and fix it in that moment. This knowledge certainly allows me to feel more empathy for my kids and to realize that really, it's not personal.



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