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In this article, I touch upon three key principles, which will start to put you back in control of your home.A  The more challenging the toddler tantrums in your home, the more important it is to have a comprehensive game plan. In many ways, toddler frustration is understandable.A  Theya€™re beginning to make their way in the world, and find that mom or dad is often saying no or setting limits and they dona€™t like it. And already, the key feature of the emerging tantrum is evident.A  Your toddler is now pulling at your attention. Yes, initially we may see that a child can be a€?talked out ofa€? a tantrum or upset.A  Yet, as time goes on, we see that these efforts to talk the toddler out of a tantrum only leads to more frequent tantrums and tantrums that escalate more quickly and violently. Toddlers need to accept the limits of their reality, and the more you accept this truth — the quicker theya€™ll get through their tantrums and go on to live calmly and peacefully with structure, routine and consistent daily limits.
If not accustomed to this, it is an excruciating experience for mom or dad.A  It can appear as if your child is falling apart! The problem is that we tend to put adult interpretations on a toddler tantrum.A  We imagine how much upset they are feeling, and think how horrible it would be for us to go through this. This is not your childa€™s reality.A  They are not feeling the pain they appear to be feeling. Instead, if you stay away from such interpretations, you will find ita€™s easier to stay on track.
Honor these three tips and you will be on track for a rapid change.A  In the event that your toddler has severe tantrums that wona€™t go away, consider my Stop Toddler Tantrum Package, which will teach you not only how to eliminate tantrums, but includes bonus tools to build esteem, end whining and get your toddler to calm rapidly. The following comes from an email I received from a parent and one I’ve received numerous times.
I subscribe to the theory that every action taken or every word spoken by a human being either comes from a place of feeling love or from a place of feeling fearful. A mom once asked me for some advice on what she can do when her 4-year-old daughter runs off ahead of her at places like the mall, the airport, and large stores.  She said she quickly realized that yelling and screaming didn’t work and she did’t want to resort to spanking.  She wanted to know how to get the little girl to stay with her and not run off? DON’T over react, yell, or punish when they run off.  It gives their behavior instant value and they’ll do it often.


DON’T try and teach safety issues when they’re smiling and running away.  They won’t be able to hear you through their excitement and feeling of power.
DO allow them to help you come up with the “rules” for going into the store, such as holding your hand, staying in the carriage, walking with you, etc.  Don’t forget that the key is to allow them to help you on this.
DO look for opportunities often to get down to your child’s eye level and explain safety issues, for example, when you see people crossing the street or other children walking cooperatively with their parents.  You don’t want to scare your child about predators, but you do want to teach them about keeping themselves safe and sticking close to you. DO show your child how happy and excited you are when they cooperate and stay close to you out in public.
Let’s say, for example, that your toddler yells at you to ‘leave me alone’ as you try to put their shoes on to go outside, or pulls the cat’s tail when it walks across the puzzle your tot is attempting to put together. Ask ‘is this normal?’ Understanding your toddler’s stage of development may help you to normalize the behaviour, or not.
Also, remember to model your anger in a way that is consistent with what you’d like to see in your toddler. Sara Dimerman is a psychologist and provides counselling to individuals, couples and families.
It is my belief that when an adult strikes a child’s body, regardless of what area or at what velocity of the swing (whether it be very light or hard), that adult is doing it as a result of feeling fearful in one or more ways. While both parents may be successful in getting the child to not touch the stove, the parent using methods that come from a position of fear is very likely to instill fear in the child.
Do you tell them to put their angry words away or send them into time out because they’ve hurt another living creature?
Very often, if your toddler is tired, hungry or thirsty, their emotional tone and response will seem disproportionate to the reality of the situation. For example: ‘Next time you’re angry at the cat for stepping on your puzzle, please ask me to put the cat out of the room. If a child is showing frustration in the form of anger, acknowledge their feelings of frustration, then offer assistance.


For example, it’s okay to show anger and allow anger to be shown by others so long as no one is getting hurt and the anger is being expressed in a respectful manner.
Anthony Wolf encourages parents to stop rescuing their children and to stop bailing them out when things don’t go well for them.
When fear is fostered within the human soul, it is my belief that more fear is generated and quite possibly, that child will also take actions and use words as she matures that are based on fear. Or do you remain calm, acknowledge feelings and read between the lines to try to understand the source of the anger?
If your child appears out of control, you may want to consider containing their physical and emotional flailing in a loving, comforting way by wrapping your arms around them, putting them on your lap and calming them through soothing words and touch.
The latter is one in a series of books that looks at each year of a child’s life from a developmental perspective. It’s important to let your toddler know that anger is an acceptable emotion but their behaviour may not be.
Taking the actions I described here from a position of love takes time and patience, and also requires that the parent have an adequate level of emotional intelligence to see the situation from the child’s perspective.
Taking the action to strike the child is coming from a position of fear is much quicker, takes less time, and requires a very low level of emotional intelligence on the part of the parent.
She may be more likely (than the child raised with fear-based tactics) to find her true purpose in life and leave behind a legacy that will change the lives of others!



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