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At dinner, guard your plate with fork and steak knife, so as to give the impression that you’ll stab anyone, including the waiter, who reaches for it. Bring 20 or so candles you, and during the meal get up and arrange them around the table in a circle.
Collect the salt shakers from all of the tables in the restaurant, and balance them in a tower on your table. Stand up every five minutes, circle your table with your arms outstretched, and make airplane sounds.

Upon entering the restaurant, ask for a seat away from the windows, where you have a you have a good view of all exits, and where you can keep your back to the wall. In a similar vein, insist that he take a bite of everything on the plate, to make sure no one poisoned it.
When you return to the table, throw a spare pair of underwear on the back of one of the chairs.
Order coffee, and fill the thermos one cup at a time, taking advantage of the free refills.

When the waiter returns with another potato for you, have the first one back up on the plate.

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