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Every time I saw them, they were holding hands and looking blissfully into each othera€™s eyes.
We all got such a kick out of watching them and were excited about their upcoming wedding.A Several months after they were married, I noticed that this young husband looked downcast and depressed. For instance, if he didna€™t read his Bible when he woke up in the morning, she refused tomake his breakfast. Her rule was a€?No Bible, no breakfast!a€? He told me that many mornings he would go to the kitchen to get his sack lunch for the day, and his new bride would tell him, a€?Today the Lord has told me that you need to fast, so there wona€™t be any lunch for you today. Then wea€™re going to spend an hour in prayer.a€?A When I heard what was happening, I chuckled inside. I knew this sweet little new bride was trying to encourage her husband to be the spiritual leader of their new home, but her approach wasna€™t effective. In fact, it was having just the opposite effect she desired.A Instead of causing her husband to feel closer to her, this young wife was pushing him far away by constantly preaching at him and demanding that he become the spiritual leader she expected him to be. But after the couple attended a few counseling sessions, the wife backed off and let her husband assume his leadership role on his own terms. When she relaxed and let him lead in a way that was more natural to him, the tension left their marriage and they reentered marital bliss!A A wife who takes on the role of preaching at her husband will never find this method very effective. It is usually a huge turn-off for a husband because it makes him feel like his wife, who issupposed to be his greatest supporter, has instead become his corrector and boss. This meant that a huge portion of the Early Church was comprised of women who had come to Jesus Christ but whose husbands remained unsaved. Of course, these women wanted their husbands to be saved, so after a church service, they would often run home and begin to preach to their husbands.
From the husbandsa€™ perspective, their wivesa€™ preaching sounded like nagging and complaining. This approach produced such negative results that Peter told wives to stop preaching to their husbands and to instead live godly lives before them as their method of evangelizing.


The words a€?obey nota€? are from the Greek word apeitho, which emphatically refers to someone who refuses to be persuaded. Therefore, besides referring to unsaved husbands who hear the message and reject it, as Peter was most likely writing about, thisA phrase could also refer to saved husbands who refuse to do what they know God wants them to do.A I can think of so many Christian wives who want their husbands to change. These wives beg,A plead, nag, and pester their husbands all the time to do this different or to do that different. But noA matter how hard a wife pressures her husband, he will remain stubborn, obstinate, and unmoved. It was often used in secular literature to depictA someone who won a game, such as the game of casting lots.
In todaya€™s world, it could depict a person who plays his cards right and therefore walks off with the booty! Peter is telling wives how to win the game of positively influencing their husbands without ever saying a word! In other words, the wordA anastropheA gives a picture of how a person conducts his life and how he or she behaves in every situation.
Seeing how attentively she takes care ofA their children and how she lovesA their sona€™s wife or daughter's husbands. Her husband sees her rising up, her sitting down, her going in, her going out, her turning this way and that way. BecauseA he know her life and her outstanding attitude, he has great respect for her, and he listens when she speaks toA him about things that concern her. In fact, of all the people inA his life, his wife has the single greatest impact onA him and his decisions. He notices when you haveA an opportunity to be angry but choose instead to be silent and to take that anger to the Lord. They are constantly observingyou, so make sure they are seeing you live a pure and holy life, and give them honor and respect as you do it.a€? A If youa€™ve been preaching at your husband to no effect, perhaps ita€™s time for you to change your method.


Make the quality decision to stop talking to him about the things youa€™ve been wanting him to change in his life. Leave your husband alone, and let God deal with him.A When you suddenly fall silent and cease to preach at your husband, I guarantee you that he will notice a change has taken place in your approach toward him. He will a€?beholda€? that you are leaving him alone and that you have chosen to take a different route.A As you learn to stay silent rather than preach at your husband, he willA begin to hear the Holy Spirit speaking to his heart.
And when your husband sees you maintain an excellent attitude in the midst of circumstances that arena€™t going your way, his heart will be drawn to you. Hea€™ll begin to get convicted, and his desire to do more to please you will start to grow.A You see, wife, Peter knew exactly what he was talking about when he wrote that you could win your husband without a word. Therefore, ita€™s time for you to get before God and ask Him to change your heart and your attitude about your husband. Help me to stop focusing on all the things I dona€™t like about him and to startA working on all the things that need to change inside me. Have you had moments when youa€™ve heard the Holy Spirit say, a€?Leave your husbandA alone, and Ia€™ll deal with hima€??
Did you leave your husband alone as the SpiritA instructed you, or did you keep hammering at him to do what you wanted?A 3. Seeing how attentively she takes care ofA their children and how she lovesA their sona€™s wife or daughter's husbands.



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