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We live in a day and age where couples get engaged and their first thought is "I can't wait to post on Facebook!" instead of "I can't wait to call my friends and family!" You know it's true. I have never been proposed to (that I know of), but I imagine it's a pretty great feeling when someone you want to marry actually asks you to marry him. I'd like to see: "Three years ago, I got wasted and slept with a dude on the first night and now we're engaged. Breaking up: You could trot out the ol' "we need to talk" line and do it face-to-face -- or you could get creative and slightly creepy like the woman who wrote this breakup letter did. Dave isn't into "Big Government" and Beth isn't into "Big" Dave; this courtship was bound to fail.
And with that territory comes status updates that are more barf-tastic than a Jared Galleria of Jewelry commercial. And I'm truly happy for my friends (and all ladies out there!) who are entering into a lifetime of monogamy with the ones they love.


Unless your last name is something like Ballsweat and his is Dicaprio or Levine, what's the frantic countdown to the name change all about? I don't go posting pics of my vacay cocktails with a caption that says, "I'm getting drunk," do I? First of all, if you actually thought "This is love at first sight," that was the Jager bombs talking.
And isn't that KIND OF a slap in the face to your female bestie(s) who was there WAY before Mr. You should be dreading it -- I hear the legal stuff is a real bitch, and did you so quickly forget that you have to take a trip TO THE DMV!? Second of all, if you're really itching to write a poetic, flowery post about your "fairy tale," start a blog. But if you're not that witty (no offense) and really thought, You know what would be clever?


Plus, "I said YES!!!!!" with 903820343 exclamation points makes it seem like it's some big shocker you agreed to marry the poor guy. Along with numerous "Thank you for the sweet wishes" posts designed just to remind you they're engaged. I'm more OK with "Can't wait to marry the love of my life," but the best friend thing is just so 1999 Tim McGraw cheesiness. Quoting Beyonce's greatest hit from 2008, then I hate to tell you that like, it's not clever.
And I can't help but wonder if those girls will be the ones who realize 10 years down the road that their only confidante is a middle-aged man with his hands down his pants watching Sportscenter.



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