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These people feel spark with words and even promises which in the cold light of day and in hindsight seem ridiculous to be made by someone they hardly knew. This is the same issue that arises when you meet someone who possesses certain physical characteristics that float your boat along with other qualities, characteristics and apparent values and you over-correlate the information and assume that they not only possess other characteristics, qualities, and values that you like, but that they’ll also give you the relationship you want. I do think chemistry can be determined quickly, but I’ve learned that chemistry is SO MUCH MORE than just about looks.
Its only when you can check out the fit, design, purpose etc that you know the reality and we will, time and time again, convince ourselves that its ok or that we can change something about ourselves to make it work. I do understand that circumstances will vary — options will be more limited for those in rural towns, etc.
Go easy on yourself- if you feel freaked out by the thought of dating the alternative doesn’t have to be hiding.
For them, attraction, love, chemistry and the whole kit and caboodle have a foundation in something of nothing. Address your beliefs about what you think being instantly attracted tells you and compare it with the reality of previous experiences and ask yourself if that is true. Baggage Reclaim is a guide to learning to live and love with self-esteem by breaking the patterns that stand in your way.


And I might like to add: Pay attention to how people REALLY act, because there are often very telling patterns in their behavior. Such a remark would be a glaring red flag to me even if he happened to be a supermodel while I was Quasimodo.
OMG…I was just discussing this with my therapist and we agreed that I just need to focus on me and what it is that I truly want in life. This is why so many people struggle to get over a relationship where there were a lot of illusions. Whether it’s figuring out what’s going on in a troubling relationship, understanding you and self-care, or being more assertive, I’m here to help you guide you. But I remember how taken I was with him when I first met him in another function years ago. Look for morals, values, if he is a gentleman to everyone, if he can carry a conversation, if he speaks well of his ex-wife, if he has a good relationship with his children. You can’t expect anything good from a man who acts like that right from the beginning. I mean don’t we usually go for things that we see only once without even knowing if the price is worth it or not.


This is the first time I didnt want to talk or manipulate someone into not breaking up with me.
It hurts because I felt he was good to me, but I also have been feeling that his interest in me was waning a bit the last few weeks. Shop around, try them on (and I don’t mean sleep with them), see if they fit and don’t tighten you in the wrong places and wear them enough for them to feel good and comfortable on you!
I confronted him about it this morning to which he protested but then called me this afternoon to say I was right about it and that he didnt want to string me along. We stopped being friends after that, when he used to always sit close to me and we’d have a laugh. I had gotten up to use the restroom and when I came back my plate was gone, he had thrown it out without asking me.




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