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Sometimes even though you're having a good time, you can't help but to stop and think about how much you miss the old times. Our goal is to help you by delivering amazing quotes to bring inspiration, personal growth, love and happiness to your everyday life. We thought we understood the magnitude of the sacrifice that we -- and God -- were asking for. Though our hearts may have been good (we truly thought what we were doing was loving), we did not even give Ryan a chance to wrestle with God, to figure out what he believed God was telling him through scripture about his sexuality. And so, just before his 18th birthday, Ryan, depressed, suicidal, disillusioned and convinced that he would never be able to be loved by God, made a new choice.
Suddenly our fear of Ryan someday having a boyfriend (a possibility that honestly terrified me) seemed trivial in contrast to our fear of Ryan's death, especially in light of his recent rejection of Christianity and his mounting anger at God. Ryan started with weed and beer, but in six short months was using cocaine, crack and heroin.
By the time our son called us, after 18 long months of silence, God had completely changed our perspective. And then Ryan made the classic mistake of a recovering addict: He got back together with his old friends, his using friends. Now, when I think back on the fear that governed all my reactions during those first six years after Ryan told us he was gay, I cringe as I realize how foolish I was. In the presentation, Rob read a letter that he'd recently written to Ryan, which you can read here.
This piece, which was originally written for Biola Queer Underground in December 2012, was posted on Facebook on Jan. Writing your own personalized wedding vows can be a daunting task, but it’s not quite as hard as it looks. Make sure that everyone is on the same page. Talk to your future spouse and your officiant and make sure everyone is okay with personalized wedding vows. Consult the experts Take some time to read through a variety of wedding vows,as well as passages of poetry, love stories, and famous writing about love (these are suggested for wedding readings, but include many quotes you could use in your vows.) Print out your favorites, and highlight passages that especially speak to you.
Put it all together Go back to the words you wrote before, and highlight passages that you might want to include in your wedding vows. Practice, Practice, Practice First, try reading what you’ve written out loud to a trusted friend or family member.
One of the greatest functions of music is to help relieve us from the stresses that we face in our everyday lives and instead take us back to places of excitement, and pleasant memories that different songs help us to remember. Not that we didn't know and love gay people; my only brother had come out to us several years before, and we adored him. And this sacrifice, we knew, would lead to an abundant life, perfect peace and eternal rewards. God didn't answer his prayer, or ours, though we were all believing with faith that the God of the Universe, the God for whom nothing is impossible, could easily make Ryan straight.
We had believed firmly in giving each of our four children the space to question Christianity, to decide for themselves if they wanted to follow Jesus, to truly own their own faith.
He decided to throw out his Bible and his faith at the same time and try searching for what he desperately wanted -- peace -- another way. He was hooked from the beginning, and his self-loathing and rage at God only fueled his addiction. And one evening that was supposed to simply be a night at the movies turned out to be the first time he had shot up in 10 months -- and the last time. We seek Heaven for grace and mercy and redemption as we try not to get better but to be better. Leading up to my birthday I wrote a post on what I learned in my 20s.But I did something else.
Some religions require that you use the traditional wording, while others will allow you to write your own, as long as you include certain phrases. Now is the time to pare things down – select the very best of all the material you have to work with.
Ideally, this person will be someone who is a good writer, and someone who knows your relationship. Sometimes it seems as though all that we are able to remember are the good times that we may have shared with someone. Every single person is given choices in their lives on a day to day basis that will help determine the places that they are able to go in their lives. But there are other men who have faced this same struggle, and God has worked in them to change their desires. Ryan had always felt intensely drawn to spiritual things; He desired to please God above all else. But we were too afraid to give Ryan that room when it came to his sexuality, for fear that he'd make the wrong choice.
So as he began to use drugs, he did so with a recklessness and a lack of caution for his own safety that was alarming to everyone who knew him.


And God was present every step of the way, leading and guiding us, gently reminding us simply to love our son and leave the rest up to Him.
And I grieve, not only for my oldest son, whom I will miss every day for the rest of my life, but for the mistakes I made.
And we pray that God can somehow use our story to help other parents learn to truly love their children. I sent an email out to my subscribers (subscribe here) and asked readers age 37 and older what advice they would give their 30-year-old selves.
When Kyle died, Nell was so devastated that no one could reach her, not even her best friend Becca.
Even if you don’t think the answer will end up in your wedding vows, still take the time to write it down. They may have good suggestions for you, or the simple act of reading it out loud might help you identify places where you can improve. Looking ahead is one of the most difficult concepts for humans to grasp as we advance in this journey that we call life. If you have a chance to seize a moment that you feel in your heart will make a memory, why not seize it? He would never have the chance to fall in love, have his first kiss, hold hands, share intimacy and companionship or experience romance.
The idea was that I would crowdsource the life experience from my older readership and create another article based on their collective wisdom. As she tries to help Nell through her grief, Becca’s own life is thrust into turmoil, and everything she knows is changed.Jason Dorsey asked Nell out the week after her sixteenth birthday, but that date never happened. While you’re at it, decide together whether you want to write one wedding vow that you will both say, or whether you want to write individually.
Once you’ve worked out a final version, practice reading it on your own to make sure you are comfortable with it. We had not seen this coming, and the emotion that overwhelmed us, kept us awake at night and, sadly, influenced all our reactions over the next six years was fear. But we know what God says about this, so you are going to have to make some really difficult choices.
And since you know what the Bible says, and since you want to follow God, embracing your sexuality is not an option. What we had wished for, prayed for, hoped for -- that we would not have a gay son -- came true.
Now, whenever Rob and I join our gay friends for an evening, I think about how much I would love to be visiting with Ryan and his partner over dinner. He memorized Scripture, met with his youth pastor weekly, enthusiastically participated in all the church youth group events and Bible Studies and got baptized. He had no way of knowing, then, how that one date would send him on a life-long journey with Becca. If you’re still having trouble, try speaking the answers into a tape recorder, letting the thoughts flow freely. But whether or not you memorize well, make sure that you write down your wedding vows on a note card (and give an extra copy to the best man or maid of honor!) so that nerves won’t spoil all of your hard work.
He read all the books that claimed to know where his gay feelings came from, dove into counseling to further discover the whys of his unwanted attraction to other guys, worked through painful conflict resolution with my husband and me and built strong friendships with other guys -- straight guys -- just like the reparative therapy experts advised. We celebrate anniversaries: the would-have-been birthdays and the unforgettable day of his death.
He even came out to his entire youth group, giving his testimony of how God had rescued him from the traps of the enemy, and sharing, by memory, verse after verse that God had used to draw Ryan to Him. The same 5-6 pieces of advice came up over and over and over again in different forms across literally 100s of emails. The journey wasn't without mistakes, but we had grace for each other, and the language of apology and forgiveness became a natural part of our relationship. We hoard memories: pictures, clothing he wore, handwritten notes, lists of things he loved, tokens of his passions, recollections of the funny songs he invented, his Curious George and baseball blankey, anything, really, that reminds us of our beautiful boy, for that is all we have left, and there will be no new memories.
It seems that there really are a few core pieces of advice that are particularly relevant to this decade of your life.Below are 10 of the most common themes appearing throughout all of the 600 emails. We even stopped praying for him to come home to us; we only wanted him to come home to God. God taught us how to love him, to rejoice over him, to be proud of the man he was becoming. We were all healing, and most importantly, Ryan began to think that if we could forgive him and love him, then maybe God could, too. Start Saving for Retirement Now, Not Later“I spent my 20s recklessly, but your 30s should be when you make a big financial push. Understanding boring things like insurance, 401ks & mortgages is important since its all on your shoulders now.
I would have been more diligent about a retirement fund, because now mine looks pretty small.” Gee whiz!


Saving is so easy and so fun!And then there were the readers who were just completely screwed by their inability to save in their 30s. Her career took a turn for the worst and now she’s stuck at 57, still living paycheck to paycheck.
They later got divorced and she soon ran into health problems, draining all of the money she received in the divorce settlement. She, too, now lives paycheck to paycheck, slowly waiting for the day social security kicks in. One woman emailed me saying that she had worked low-wage jobs with two kids in her 30s and still managed to sock away some money in a retirement fund each year.
Because she started early and invested wisely, she is now in her 50s and financially stable for the first time in her life. Hope you like these quotes with pictures DISCLAIMER: All images are copyrighted by their respective authors.
These were emails from cancer survivors, heart attack survivors, stroke survivors, people with diabetes and blood pressure problems, joint issues and chronic pain. I think that between 30 and 40 is the decade when a lot of shit finally starts to happen that you might have thought never would happen to you or those you love.
Parents die, spouses die, babies are still-born, friends get divorced, spouses cheat… the list goes on and on. It takes a lot of sacrifice to achieve anything special in life.”A few readers noted that most people arbitrarily choose their careers in their late teens or early 20s, and as with many of our choices at those ages, they are often wrong choices. It may mean ditching a career they spent a decade building and giving up money they worked hard for and became accustomed to. Don’t Be Afraid of Taking Risks, You Can Still Change“While by age 30 most feel they should have their career dialed in, it is never too late to reset.
The individuals that I have seen with the biggest regrets during this decade are those that stay in something that they know is not right. When I asked my mom this question, her answer was, “I wish I had been willing to think outside the box a bit more. Many readers related the choice of going back to school and getting their degrees in their 30s as one of the most useful things they had ever done. Others checked themselves into therapy or began a meditation practice.As Warren Buffett once said, the greatest investment a young person can make is in their own education, in their own mind. Stop assuming you can plan far ahead, stop obsessing about what is happening right now because it will change anyway, and get over the control issue about your life’s direction. Fortunately, because this is true, you can take even more chances and not lose anything; you cannot lose what you never had.
While this is disturbing to those who cling to permanence or security, it’s truly liberating once you grasp the truth that things are always changing. Sorrow is part of everyone’s lifetime and the consequence of an open and passionate heart. They are always going to see you as their kid until the moment you can make them see you as your own man. Take advantage of the time you have left to set things right and enjoy your family.” (Kash, 41)I was overwhelmed with amount of responses about family and the power of those responses. Family is the big new relevant topic for this decade for me, because you get it on both ends.
Your parents are old and you need to start considering how your relationship with them is going to function as a self-sufficient adult. And then you also need to contemplate creating a family of your own.Pretty much everybody agreed to get over whatever problems you have with your parents and find a way to make it work with them. You will never regret it.” (Kevin, 38)“It’s never the ‘right time’ for children because you have no idea what you’re getting into until you have one. Try to stay open to the experience and fluid as a person; your marriage is worth it, and your happiness seems as much tied to your ability to change and adapt as anything else. Children are the most fulfilling, challenging, and exhausting endeavor anyone can ever undertake.
Ever.” (Rich, 44) What do you want kid?The consensus about marriage seemed to be that it was worth it, assuming you had a healthy relationship with the right person. I would add, don’t forget to actually grow up and start a family and take on responsibilities other than success at work.
This is the part of the website where I put a big toothy grin on my face and scream “BUT WAIT!
THERE’S MORE!” at you in hopes to hold your attention for more than 30 milliseconds.Because wait, there actually is more. If you’d like to learn more about where some of the ideas from these articles came from and hear my responses to critical feedback, and if you’re interested in hearing me answer reader questions like I’m Anne fucking Landers and talk a bit more about my own experiences, my business ventures, and what I eat for breakfast on Sundays, well, then there actually is more.



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