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Dating is tricky -- even more so when you don't follow the cookie-cutter mold of what a relationship should look like.
After a quick chat with some other interracial couples, I realized my experiences were not unique.
If you seriously want to know the struggles interracial couples go through, you can go ahead and ask this question. Don't ask me if my Japanese fiance is a work-a-holic with a small penis who loves to drink sake, kill whales and pressure his wife (me) to do housework all day. I understand the intentions behind this question are pure, but it always comes off a bit racist. Answer: Dating (and deciding to marry) someone outside my culture was one of the best decisions I ever made.
In this day and age where divorce is becoming the norm, I'm more worried about making it to our 10-year anniversary than whether or not my possible future children will get bullied because of their mixed heritage.
Answer: I would rather my hypothetical children grow up as interesting, deep and charismatic bi-racial children in a loving home than to be just another statistic.


Of course couples with different mother tongues have communication problems -- but so does every other couple. There is no judgment in this question, rather the person is genuinely curious to learn something about a foreign culture. Less than 50 years ago, interracial marriage was illegal in the United States and even when the anti-miscegenation laws were deemed illegal by the Supreme Court in 1967, interracial couples were harassed and discriminated against for decades. These are eight seemingly innocent questions that have deeper, darker implications for interracial couples. Race is surprisingly difficult to talk about -- you can't just ask an interracial couple about their family's reaction to the race of their partner and expect a single-sentence answer.
If you're simply asking for formality (or because it is the first thing you can think of), skip this question. By only dating white men, I would be cutting out a whole group of viable dating candidates. No, I do not have "Yellow fever" (inappropriate slang for someone who is only attracted to someone of an Asian diaspora), "Jungle fever" (likewise for dating people of an African diaspora) or any other fetishes you can think of.


In fact, interracial couples might be better off because when your partner was raised in a different country, you automatically assume they do things differently. By asking this question, you're acknowledging that interracial relationships are "outside the norm." If you have noticed this, other people have too and if they have noticed it, they have probably also stared (without meaning to). I have met interracial couples who speak each other's languages fluently and couples who cannot speak a word of their partner's language.
As the "white" half of a Japanese-American couple, I noticed some of the same questions keep popping up again and again.
Furthermore, even if I did have a preference toward a specific race, I am free to love whomever I want.. If a white man only dates Asian women, though, everyone seems to assume he is a 'creep.' That's not fair.



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