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25.12.2014
My dear friend, Aaron Fullerton, is a cancer survivor who wrote this guest blog for you all. A few years ago, when the doctor informed me I had three on my midbrain, an inoperable spot smack dab in the middle of my head, I remembered Fernando.
When fellow podcaster Bryan Bishop (known as Bald Bryan from the Adam Carolla Show) reached out to me about our similarities in life, which included brain tumors, I couldn’t have been more excited to hear about the work he was doing with the American Brain Tumor Society. The Los Angeles Brian Tumor Walk is on August 24th at Exposition Park here in LA, and we’re raising money for awareness and research. When your body delivers an unwelcome surprise, like cancer, it’s easy to feel betrayed. I’ll continue to embrace good diet and exercise for the rest of my life, but I understand that true control is a facade. This week marks the one-year anniversary of my final chemotherapy session and I’ve been thinking a lot about my personal timeline. Every run I take, with the wind on my face or The View on the gym TV, isn’t a step away from cancer. I’m eager to celebrate, especially since December 31, 2012 was marked by a car crash and a lengthy chemotherapy session.
You know how on the internet, people tend to have civil, thoughtful conversations that articulately express varying opinions? Earlier, I spotted a tweet from a charity organization that focuses on cancer among young adults.
I know, personally, of young testicular cancer patients who are ashamed of their diagnosis.
I tried, in 140 characters or less, to express all these thoughts to the person behind the organization’s twitter account. I have no doubt that good-hearted, smart, sensitive people run the organization’s account and I commend them for the good work they do. I had hoped it would speed up the checkout and debriefing process upon my return from deployment. Once my unit landed in-country, the gunners in our Light Armored Vehicle (LAV) company got together to share ideas on how to build in some modern conveniences that would make our tour in Iraq a bit more comfortable.
These SportEAR aids have helped combat Poole’s tinnitus, and they serve as great ear protection for shooting.
He also figured out how to override the safety feature that prevented an LAV-25 turret from rotating 360 degrees.
My memory of the days and nights blend together, so I can’t tell you the exact date of the event.
These GhostStryke aids from SportEAR are great ear protection for shooting sports, if you’re willing to spend the money.
The ringing in my ear didn’t bother me much in the hours after that night, but anytime a rifle was fired around me, especially when I was caught off guard, it came back painfully worse. I had an audiogram in May and learned I didn’t have hearing loss as much as I had tinnitus, and the left-ear ringing starts at 3,000 Hz and drops steeply to severe in the 6,000 to 8,000 Hz range. For those looking for ear protection for the shooting range but don’t want to break the bank, these over-the-ear electronic muffs from SportEAR retail for under $100. Coincidentally, I learned of SportEAR around the same time from gunwriter Tom Beckstrand, who had fallen in love with a pair of its GhostStryke low-pro ear protection for shooting that actually enhance normal hearing and digitally compress loud noises. My hearing is not only being served with protection at the range, I actually hear better because the program is enhancing and canceling different tones at the decibel range of my tinnitus. If you can relate, I’d recommend reaching out to SportEAR at 801-566-0240 or visiting the company’s website here. CELEBRATING A BIG WIN –Members of the Pana Panthers football team celebrate their 37-26 win over the Greenville Comets Friday night, Oct.
PANA’S PHILLIP ARNOLD, 8, rushed for a season’s high 143 yards in Pana’s 37-26 win at Greenville on Friday Oct. The late Ohio State football coach Woody Hayes, describing his offense, was credited with the line, “Three yards and a cloud of dust.” The Pana Panthers football team offense took that one step farther – literally – Friday, Oct.
Greenville, winner of 35 straight South Central Conference games up until Friday night, had been ranked third in Class 3A in the state.
The win improves the Panthers’ mark to 5-1 on the season while the Comets face defeat for the first time in 35 straight regular season games, dating back to a 2006 loss to Hillsboro. During their second half possessions, the Panthers ran 43 offensive plays of which 5 were passes, gained 142 yards on the ground and scored two touchdowns and a safety. Leading the way on offense was senior Phillip Arnold with two first half rushing touchdowns and 143 rushing yards on 26 carries for an average of 5.5 yards per carry. Brett Amling, another senior, also rushed for two touchdowns and picked up 92 rushing yards on 15 carries for a little over 6 yards per carry.
Speaking of interceptions, Pana’s Cole Shoraga came up with a big one right after the Panthers took the second half opening kick-off 42 yards in 15 plays to the Greenville 23 where the drive stalled. The Panthers held the ball for the remainder of the third quarter and started the fourth frame deep in Greenville territory. Greenville took over on downs and after an incompletion, Huber passed on second down to senior Zach Westfall.
Staying on the ground, Pana ground out those 39 yards over the course of the next 3 minutes, 26 seconds with Amling sprinting to the far side line before turning up field to score.
But Stupek was also quick to credit his coaching staff for the job they do getting the Panthers ready to play and their efforts during the game. Greenville only attempted to run the ball 7 times with Walter carrying 6 times, gaining 5 yards.
In the other South Central games contested Friday night, Alton Marquette downed Pana’s next opponent, Litchfield, 24-22. Following the 3-way tie for first between Pana, Carlinville and Greenville at 5-1, comes Vandalia in fourth place with a 4-2 mark.
Parks & Rec premiered right around the same time Sarah and I started dating and it was quickly a constant in our relationship. That is a really fun sentence to write, especially considering what the content of this blog often is.


A version you didn’t realize was right there the whole time, underneath the surface, ready to be revealed by the right person. He was named after the superstar Los Angeles Dodger pitcher of Hispanic descent, Fernando Valenzuela, one of my favorite baseball players at the time.
I knew I had more of an immune system than my little flying friend, but I only knew this diagnosis as a death sentence because of him. I had a ringing in my ear that wouldn’t go away, so I visited a doctor after hours searching WebMD and deciding I was going to die. His experiences with the affliction has been more intense than mine, and has turned his story into a NY Times best-seller.
Surgeons had split me down the middle and gently removed some vitals in order to scrape out the cancerous lymph nodes still in my abdomen post-chemotherapy.
That successful surgery is 365 days in my past and I’ve officially lived one full year as a survivor. But I also bristle at the question, too, because sometimes people are looking for a specific answer.
Let yourself be affected by others’ hurt, try to understand their choices, and be an active player in the world around you. I joined a gym, I got more selective with my diet, I tried to do weights and cardio everyday. And the only way I knew how to exert dominion over this mess of cells was to live as healthfully as I could. 2013 offered a much more uplifting narrative, punctuated by successful surgery, my first episode of television, and an engagement. It’s hard to look back on the space between November 14ths and not see the major challenges, especially the moments of that first night.
The experience left me with only a few physical reminders: a wicked abdominal scar, a low white blood cell count, and some carefully placed silicone.
There was, of course, the distraction of professional storytelling: this was the year that included the writing and airing of my first television episode.
Removing the stigma from testicular cancer, though, is a topic about which I’m very passionate.
I wanted to share memories and thoughts, personal anecdotes that I found humorous and lofty ideas about paradigm shifts in cancer culture. I was in such a hurry to process out and leave Camp Lejeune that I decided not to report the hearing damage I was sensing in my left ear.
After nearly 10 months in Iraq, I was tired and anxious to hit the road and see the family farm. Marc Christ, my vehicle gunner, cleverly figured out how to splice some wires and tie-in his CD player to the vehicle’s intercom system. He successfully argued that once we crossed the line of departure at the Kuwait-Iraq border, gunners would need to be able to quickly throw the turret to the rear if a driver was unable to swing a vehicle around or if vehicle mobility had been compromised.
Near the front of a convoy, the enemy waited for us to pass before making their twilight ambush. My .50-caliber Barrett was in a soft case and became caught between the turret and the hull. Though it annoys me in moments of silence, it is a constant noise that I’ve learned to live with. I have fewer headaches, and, because they’re fit for my ears, they are actually comfortable. It also snapped the Comets’ 35-game winning streak over South Central Conference opponents dating back to the fall of 2006.
Their last loss to an SCC team also came in week 6 of the regular season at Hillsboro in 2006, by a score of 20-13. Greenville, along with Carlinville, are 5-1 as well as all three teams are deadlocked at the top of South Central Conference with identical records. Pana got the ball to start the second half and was in possession of the football for 22 minutes and 17 seconds of the 24 minutes which make up a half. They worked the ball down to the 4, but on fourth down, were stopped by the Comets defense. The only trouble was, Westfall was still in the end zone and he was surrounded by three Panthers, with Mitchell Beyers dragging him down for a safety and a 24-20 Pana lead with 11:02 left in the game. In addition to the aforementioned “three headed monsters” in backfield, junior Ryan Padden gained 13 yards rushing for the Panthers. They had 311 yards with Huber going 27-of-44 with three touchdown passes and an interception.
Piasa and Roxana are tied for fifth place at 3-3 and tied for seventh is Alton Marquette and Hillsboro with 2-4 marks. Her exciting office romance is just beginning to take off; I was thinking about engagement ring shopping. The characters are incredibly specific but never afraid of the broad joke and the plots often pit them against institutionalized bureaucracy or that all-American brand of uninformed mob mentality. I got the pet from my Grandfather, a large man from Iowa, burly in size and muscle, who in the most endearing, almost Tuesdays With Morrie way, raised these fragile birds in his work room.
I also noticed he had some sort of growth on his head, and it seemed to be getting larger by the day.
I assumed eventually a growth would appear on top of my noggin, like a built in dunce cap, and then I would die. I get them checked every few months, because if anything scary is detected, I’ll be sent in for chemotherapy and radiation, then my blog would get REAL exciting. We’re supposedly disaffected by tragedy and success, unless we can spin it into an ironic meme.
And 10,000 of them earn me a smiley face which, worthless as it may be, feels like a monumental reward. I realized how debilitating it can be, and how rarely we take the time to understand it in others. Pain became confusion, confusion became cancer, cancer became treatment, treatment became surgery.


But there was also this very blog, an outlet I used to process my feelings on whatever the struggle of the week was. Getting wheeled into the operating room while the anesthesiologist blasted the new Rihanna album. We rode Quick Reaction Force (QRF) missions listening to a mix of classic metal and soul music when we weren’t busy communicating. The safety system was designed to prevent injury to security personnel, like me, who stand out of the back hatches. The company used the results of my audiogram to tune a program for a skin-tone unit molded specially for my ear canal. His 65-yard punt return in the first quarter set up Pana’s first score as they took a 7-0 lead.
He threw the ball into the waiting arms of Shoraga at the 28, and after a 12-second possession – Greenville’s only one of the third quarter –Pana had the ball back at the Comets’ 25 with 2:54 left in the third period. The Panthers mounted a 7-play, 3-minute, 21-second drive which ended with a 5-yard touchdown run by Amling to put Pana up, 30-20. Westfield was his favorite target with 7 catches – 3 of them for touchdowns – and 146 yards. Ninth place belongs to Litchfield at 1-5 and East Alton-Wood River has an 0-6 record in tenth spot.
It always has something to say about the relationship between the government and the individual, but it always said it through pratfalls, pop culture references, and unbridled goofiness. I hand picked Fernando, a white petite parakeet who made the cutest noise when I was choosing. I’ve learned a whole lot about brain tumors, symptoms to look for and steps to take to get checked - and I try and share them as much as I can with people. So many things you should know about, especially since everyone has someone in their life who has battled, or is battling, brain tumors. And now I’m surrounded by an amazing support system of doctors, friends, and now this charity filled other patients and caregivers.
I understand the perception that Americans live inside a bubble of entitlement, but I think it takes a particularly sociopathic kind of blindness to be eternally and wide-rangingly ungrateful.
If I walk five miles and 10,000 steps in a day, a very approving smiley face shows up in the display.
I never want to see the co-worker again, but I’m also grateful for how he let me see the world. The experience was humbling and, more than anything, made me much more aware of - and empathetic to - the hurt that we ignore. I remember the distressed faces in the waiting room, the uncomfortable contours of the hard plastic chair, and the soundless Dancing With the Stars results flashing across the wall-mounted TVs. Each phase jerked sloppily into the next; cancer provides no smooth transitions or organic moments. The custom ear protection for shooting came with a custom cost of $2,500, but the result has been life-changing. Pana has beaten Greenville, but lost to Carlinville in overtime at Carlinville; Greenville beat Carlinville but lost to Pana, and Carlinville lost to Greenville but beat Pana. The no-huddle, pass-happy offense of the Comets caught up with them facing the ball control oriented offense of Pana. Arnold’s try for the extra point was no good as Greenville’s Cameron Walter zoomed in to block the kick with 7:32 left in the game.
Young had a dozen catches for 90 yards and a touchdown and Walter  made 4 receptions good for 49 yards. But since my doctor knew I couldn’t say no to deal, he set me up with an MRI, because the ringing would allow insurance to pay for it. With the way the world is going, with air pollution and burning hot cell phones placed directly on your brain, we should probably learn more. If any of you, especially other cancer survivors, have good suggestions for ways you’ve given back, please let me know. We can’t keep enforcing the idea that losing a ball is some deeply painful, emasculating process. My vehicle commander, Major Dave Duhamel, was giving me several colorful signals for “What are you doing?” so I managed to stand back up to resume my role as a combatant.
In 1:43 seconds of the second half, the Comets ran 10 plays, scored once, gave up a safety, had an interception, passed for 70 yards (64 on their lone touchdown) and rushed for one yard. I cried and cried, but my Mom agreed and that was the last time I saw Fernando, but sadly, not the last time I saw brain tumors. He explained that it’s important to have your brain scanned, so we can have the results for any future issues, god forbid they appear.
Sure, on the surface, it seems like a particularly millennial therapy: understanding through oversharing. I saw the turret quartered over the opposite hatch, so I grabbed my M16A2, changed seats and stood up just as he fired three rounds from the LAV’s 25mm Bushmaster chaingun. Over the course of this blog, I’ve written about my cancer in (too?) intimate detail.
We - testicular cancer patients and our loved ones - should feel lucky that it’s so easy. I already knew Sarah was the one at that point, but it showed me just how deep her reservoir of strength was. When he called me 5 days later in a somber tone saying I had to go in, I immediately regretted using that coupon. Writing for Chasing Life, though, gave me the opportunity to approach cancer from a sideways angle.



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