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I thought comedy would be the hardest thing I could do, and if I could do that, I could do anything. They always say before you get married, take a good look at your wife's mother, because that's what she's going to look like and act like. Help us to expand our database and send best quotes from Rodney Carrington you know by using the form below. 11 funny quotes, stand-up comedy jokes, sayings and citations by comedian Rodney Carrington. These funny Rodney Dangerfield quotes are just a few of the comedian's best lines from his stand-up routine that spanned over 20 years.
What few people know about Rodney Dangerfield is that his comedy club, Dangerfield's, is still open in New York City, and has helped launch the careers of comedians such as Jim Carrey and Jerry Seinfeld. What's funny about Rodney Dangerfield was that he was the opposite of his on-stage persona. Other gems from these funny Rodney Dangerfield quotes include "My wife and I were happy for 20 years. We sleep in separate rooms, we have dinner apart, we take separate vacations - we're doing everything we can to keep our marriage together. What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bee and he told me about the butcher and my wife. This morning when I put on my underwear I could hear the fruit-of-the-loom guys laughing at me. Rodney Dangerfield was an American comedian and actor, known for the catchphrase "I don't get no respect!" and his monologues on that theme. The really funny jokes on this page are a mere modicum of all the hilarious stuff you'll find at the links below. A woman's pet parrot hadn't talked for days, so she took it to a veterinarian to see what could be wrong.


Funny Quotes About Writing and Writers"I hope someday to write something worth plagiarizing." Funny quotes about writing, writers, and the whole wacky world of words.
Rodney Dangerfield Jokes"When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them." Rodney Dangerfield jokes dona€™t get enough respect!
Funny Quotes About Television"Television is a weapon of mass distractrion." These funny quotes about television will reframe the big picture on your inner big screen.
Clever Quotes About Books"Always read stuff that will make you look good if you die in the middle of it." Quotes about books, clever to comical.
Best Funny Graduation Quotes"A diploma is basically a subliminal ticket to the alumni fundraiser." Funny graduation quotes to help you graduate with Humor!
I didn't plan on getting married and I didn't plan on having kids, but I did all those things. You get a woman to rub all over every single part of your body except the one part you really want rubbed on. Rodney Dangerfield was one of the best comedians of our time, leaving his mark on the stage with jokes that stand the test of time. He had a real eye for spotting comedic talent, and he put it to good use for several decades.
While he said hilarious things such as "My wife met me at the front door the other night wearing a sexy negligee.
Then we met," and "When I was born the doctor took one look at my face, turned me over and said 'Look. The voice said, "Good morning, are you Father Flanigan?" "I am""This is the Revenue Service. I'll be happy to laugh at you." Very short jokes that will stick in your mind like duct tape. Cause when your wife says to you, "We need to talk" it does not mean we need to talk, it means you need to sit there and listen while I tell you all the ways you've been fuc*in' up!


You can share any bit of funny information, piece of trivia too or tell a story about this comedian here too! Chances are you've heard a few of these funny Rodney Dangerfield quotes before, and if you haven't you're in for a real treat.
Some of these funny Rodney Dangerfield quotes are from HBO special's at Dangerfield's comedy club, and are jokes from some of his vest comedic performances over the years. Unfortunately, she was coming home," chances are they were all part of his comedy routine and not jokes from his everyday life. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender.
Can you answer a question?""I can""Do you know a Tom Oa€™Halloran?""I do""Does he belong to your church?""He does""Did he donate $5,000 to your orphans fund?""He will."More Irish JokesSt. The dog approaches the parrot, sniffs it for awhile, then shakes his head to indicate the bird is dying.The vet then leaves and returns carrying a cat. The cat nudges the parrot, licks it, and shakes its head to show the bird is dying."I'm sorry," said the vet.
Is there any chance, any way I could take a quick peek at hell before I come into heaven for eternity?a€?St.
Very very hot there, you know.a€?The man steps into the bubble and down he goes in a flash.



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