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Categories: Shooting Star Tattoo | Author: admin 08.06.2015

A little over a decade ago I thought I was going to marry my college sweetheart and become a young bride, which made it all the more devastating when happily ever after didn’t pan out.
It didn’t take long for a dark guilt to bubble up—a constant festering reminder of all the mistakes I’d made.
In the ruins of that romance, I didn’t know what scared me more—that someone else might hurt me again, or that I might hurt them enough first to deserve it. I simultaneously felt an aching need to fill in the hole where he’d been and an overwhelming sense of nausea at the thought of being with someone else. In each case, I either burdened the guy with a body bag full of my fears and insecurities, or dragged it around myself wondering why dating felt so exhausting.
I learned every lesson the hard way, after first proving myself completely insane by doing the same things and over and over again and expecting different results.
I’m now in a peaceful, loving relationship, and I realize the journey to this connection had more to do with loving myself than finding him. While I by no means know everything, I feel the hard part isn’t knowing what makes a healthy, happy relationship, but actually applying that knowledge consistently.
So I’ve done something a little different to explore the different ideas that support healthy relationships. It seems like you can only have happy relationships if you can be happy with or without them. Find the person who inspires you to be a better you, and always encourage them to become the best them. If you’re in a relationship with someone and it always feels like hard work, ask yourself: Are you trying to jam a square peg into a round hole?
Mutual adoration and acceptance of the differences that make each of you individuals are keys to a phenomenal relationship. If you feel yourself focusing on everything someone appears to be doing wrong, ask yourself if there’s something else upsetting you.
If you feel like changing something about someone else today, ask yourself what change you can make in yourself instead. If there’s something you just can’t accept, ask yourself if you’re willing to walk away because of it. Remember that it isn’t always happy, but get through those not so happy moments together or apart, whichever is needed.
Notice when you’re projecting something onto the other person that has nothing to do with them, like a fear from a past relationship. Recognize when you’re looking for that person to do something for you that you need to do for yourself, like make you feel lovable or take care of your needs.
Don’t sweat the small stuff, and if something really is bothering you talk about it in a calm controlled manner. If something’s on your mind, express it without implying the other person is responsible for your feelings.
The rest comes and goes as we change and grow and struggle, but being able to laugh together brings you back together. If you haven’t in a while, take time to do your own thing today—completely on your own or with friends.
Take time to laugh together, whether it’s watching funny YouTube videos or trying something new together.

About Lori DescheneLori Deschene is the founder of Tiny Buddha and Recreate Your Life Story, an online course that helps you let go of the past and live a life you love. Lori, I very much appreciated both the vulnerability you shared at the beginning of the article, and the wonderful, thoughtful compilation of lessons (choices), quotes, and actions we can do. I really like reading Tiny Buddha, I find little truths that I apply to my life in patchwork fashion. I think a lot of people associate doubts about their lives with doubts about their relationships. Another thing I sometimes do when I start beating myself up in my head is remember my cute little 5-year-old face.
I wish I had focused on #6 Be Honest especially since I’ve been a victim of dishonesty in the past.
Sharing interests, respecting diferences, and being grateful for each other have been key in keeping our relationship going for 26 years. I have just come out of a relationship where the other person had to move to another country for work. When we broke up, I felt literally like I lost a limb, complete with phantom sensations of his hand in mine. I was highly unstable and insecure back then, and most of my relationships revolved around holding me up. No relationship with someone else can ever compensate for secretly believing you don’t deserve it. It’s a lot easier to make a laundry list of lessons than it is to put them into practice, especially when heightened emotions are involved. As I often do, I put a question out to the Tiny Buddha Facebook page: what’s the key to a happy relationship?
The best relationship is when you bring out the best in each other, and you are purely content when neither has anything to say. The past is the past and you deserve to put it behind you, but no one else can let it go for you.
Everything else can be forgiven, accepted, or put aside; however, values are the root of how we relate to all beings. You’re more likely to meet compatible people if you get out there and foster your  interests.
It can be scary to walk away from the wrong person, but it’s the only possibility of meeting someone who will feel right. I choose to see and feel grateful for all of the best qualities in my partner, rather than focusing on shortcomings. It’s easier to blame other people than it is to look in ourselves, but oftentimes that’s where the problem is. To strengthen your relationships, get her new book, Tiny Buddha's 365 Tiny Love Challenges. The only problem is I seem to have to relearn these truths every so often instead of keeping them in perspective.
She’s made a ton of relationship mistakes, but I still believe she deserves the greatest love this world can offer her. I would never judge or hurt that little girl, so I shouldn’t do it to her two-and-a-half decades later.

I’ve learned to open up more with my blogging this past year, and I appreciate the opportunity to do that. Then I wouldn’t have pushed away and hurt someone who truly loved and cared about me more than anything.
I used to think love was in short supply, but I’ve come to believe there are any number of compatible people for all of us. I have been working on not taking things out on my boyfriend that are in reality things I am struggling with about myself. I work on a lot of these things in my relationship, and I’m finding it helpful, particularly when it comes to acceptance and expectations.
I’m currently attempting to build a relationship with a guy and it comes with a lot of fear and also a lot of excitement. I cried and sobbed every day, until it got so bad that I reached out to the Internet for help.
If you’re not currently in a romantic relationship, a lot of these can still apply to the other relationships in your life. It’s more empowering and productive to show people how to treat us than to complain about what’s lacking. For me, it was easier to point the finger at the person closest to me than it was to really evaluate what I wanted in my life and what was holding me back.
The weding is the worst enemy because it creates the false idea that both husband and wife have some kind of possesion rights over each other. These are all things that have crossed my mind as I consider the possibility of marriage in my future. It seems that this is one of the keys to healthy relationships–loving ourselves even when it feels hard. It’s only compounded when we look back at mistakes we think we made and feel a sense of regret or shame. Acting this way, the right for freedom is violated and the friendship starts to fade away and will die sooner than expected.
I think they key to enduring happiness as a couple is to remember your time together is a choice, not a legal responsibility. This post really helped me to remember some key things I want to do well if our relationship progresses. The best relationship between humans is the real loving one that assures enough space for the needs of each single individual. Love and freedom is the best combination, you can love a person deeply but cannot place a human being in a cage like some do with birds. He has also let his family disrespect me and never apologized but I let it go or maybe not. If you go out and people look at your wife, lover or girlfriend feel happiness and comfort your soul because that means you have chosen a very attractive and sexy friend to share the best moments of your life.

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