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Part of the secret of success in life is to eat what you like and let the food fight it out inside. I eat so poorly during the stressful part of my day I need to have a vegetable orgy for dinner just to make up for it. An onion can make people cry, but there has never been a vegetable invented to make them laugh. Life expectancy would grow by leaps and bounds if green vegetables smelled as good as bacon.

Strength is the ability to break a chocolate bar into four pieces with your bare hands - and then eat just one of those pieces.
You can find your way across this country using burger joints the way a navigator uses stars. When I'm at a Chinese restaurant having a hard time with chopsticks, I always hope that there's a Chinese kid at an American restaurant somewhere who's struggling mightily with a fork. We are living in a world today where lemonade is made from artificial flavors and furniture polish is made from real lemons.

Funny Quote of the DayIf you think seven years bad luck is too much for a breaking mirror try breaking a condom.
We have a great collection of funny quotes and sayings from comedy movies, funny television shows, and humorous topics.

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