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Imagine living in a country where prisons are private corporations that profit from keeping their beds stocked at, or near, capacity and the governing officials scramble to meet contractual “lockup quotas.” Imagine that taxpayers would have to pay for any empty beds should crime rates fall below that quota. We’ve been just a little bit obsessed with old timey and subcultural slang here at the Floss as of late, and today we’re going to mine one of the richest sources for weird slang and code-talk: criminals.
There are plenty of different pruno recipes out there, but I decided to use the most popular one, which is attributed to a man named Jarvis Masters, who is currently on death row at San Quentin State Prison. The first step is to peel your oranges and toss them in the bag along with the fruit cocktail. Three short days after adding your sugar and ketchup you’ll have your very own prison wine! There’s something weird about reading a blog entry on making prison hooch while slightly tipsy. Here are some choice bits of prison lingo we’ve gathered from slang dictionaries, true crime stories, prisoners’ memoirs, and correctional officers.
Buck Rogers Time: (early to mid 20th century) A parole or release date so far away that it's difficult to imagine. Cell Warrior: An inmate that puts on a tough front or runs their mouth when locked in their cell, but is submissive or cowardly when interacting with other prisoners in the open. Diesel Therapy: A lengthy bus trip or transfer to a far away facility, or even an incorrect destination, used as punishment or to get rid of troublesome inmates. Dipping in the Kool Aid: Attempting to enter a conversation the person has no place in or is not welcome in.

Duck: A correctional officer who reveals information about other officers or prison staff to inmates.
Four piece or four-piece suit: A full set of restraints, composed of handcuffs, leg irons and waist chain, and security boxes to cover the restraints’ key holes. Grandma’s: Or Grandma’s House, a prison gang’s headquarters or meeting place, or the cell of the gang leader. Hold your mud: To resist informing or snitching even under threat of punishment or violence.
On the River: Time spent at the Louisiana State Penitentiary, which is surrounded on three sides by the Mississippi River.
Prison Wolf: An inmate who is normally straight on “the outside,” but engages in sexual activity with men while incarcerated.
Ride with: To do favors for a fellow convict, often including sexual ones, in exchange for protection, contraband, prison currency, or commissary items.
Three Knee Deep: To stab someone so that they’re injured, but not killed, usually as a warning.
I’d imagine that a day in the life as a new prisoner can be quite stressful, and what better way is there to relax after a long day of making license plates and trying not to get shanked than with a nice glass of wine? Making prison wine is actually surprisingly easy, and all you really need is a one gallon plastic bag, ten oranges, eight ounces of fruit cocktail, some sugar cubes, six teaspoons of ketchup and a towel. Then you’re going to want to mash up the oranges as much as you can and add 16 ounces of water to the bag as well.

All you really need to do in that final 72 hour span is to open the bag once a day to let all the gasses out and then seal it back up and run hot water over it for 15 minutes before wrapping it back up again in the towel. You already live there.A new report from In the Public Interest (ITPI) revealed last week that private prison companies are striking deals with states that contain clauses guaranteeing high prison occupancy rates. They’re brought back to the facility and the collected tobacco is rerolled with toilet paper to smoke. The next step is to seal the bag up nice and tight, put it in your sink and heat it with hot running water for 15 minutes. The smell kind of throws you off, but it pretty much just tasted like a really thick orange juice with a hint of ketchup flavor. After that you’re going to want to wrap your bag up in a towel to keep it nice and warm to help with the fermentation process and then stash it somewhere safe for 48 hours. This is when you add the sugar and six teaspoons of ketchup to speed up the fermentation process even more (and to give the wine a little better taste).
Once the sugar cubes and ketchup have been added you need to seal the bag back up, place it under hot running water for 30 minutes, wrap it back up in a towel and let it do its thing.

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