Because the current system is failing to keep our children pure physically and to protect them from scars both emotionally and spiritually, parents must take responsibility for their children and accept that in the face of sure persecution from the world, a change must be made, a paradigm must be shifted. Now Its Your Turn!  I Would Love To Hear Your Thoughts On This Very Taboo Topic Of Courtship vs. I am a wife to a wonderful husband and mother to four beautiful children five and under: three girls and one boy. Heather, I am going to break down my response based on your separate disagreements with the above post. 1.) You took issue with my saying that marriage is not primarily about love, based on my use of the example of Christ and His Bride, the Church. I specifically used this example because I believe that the whole of the Bible shows that our relationship with Christ is not primarily based on our love for Christ but on His choosing to place His love on us. The point I am trying to make by saying that marriage is not primarily about having love for each other, is because there is not always love for each other. It is just healthy to have the conversation and each of us seek God and His Word for what His purpose is for our individual families.
I definitely agree that our culture has perpetuated really bad expectations of marriage and that kids are growing up expecting that marriage will fulfill them and that if it doesn’t, they can just get out of it. I have problems with the mentality of dating teens, but I also have problems with the general courtship model. Many of the families who practice courtship frequently involve overly controlling parents who dictate the couple’s every move. See I think that you and I just have very different visions of what the conservative Christian home who supports a courtship model looks like – how it functions. We started out badly as while my husband knew about God and believed He existed, he had not truly dedicated himself to Christ until about a year or so into our relationship.
This is why we are trusting God to give us the wisdom to make our home glorifying to Him, and be truly involved with our children in all aspects of their lives. I think that you and I just have very different visions of what the conservative Christian home who supports a courtship model looks like – how it functions. I am a disciple of Christ and I am fulfilling my role to my husband and family as a homemaker.
I truly suggest for you to get the full meaning of where I am coming from to look through the FREE ebook This Momentary Marriage by John Piper as about the first 4 chapters goes into so much of this first question you had. I just finished reading through Jeremiah and over and over again the people of Israel are called out for their rebelliousness toward God. Dating relationships to me, in my experience and what I see in culture, has very little parental involvement, whereas Courtship has intensive parental involvement.
First of all, it assumes that all parents are grooming their kids to an ultimate end of marriage and that the kids are just sitting around their parents’ home waiting for that to happen. The parents operate out of a strong desire to control their kids and they are extremely fearful. When they start pursuing romantic relationships, they should be able to enter into a marriage within a reasonable amount of time.
I am a SAHM but I find great worth in being able to take time to myself for various entrepreneurial ventures I have taken throughout my married life.
We are prayerfully and actively trying to train up our sons and daughters to be fully dependent on the Lord and independent God serving disciples. It spelled out the exact issues my husband and I struggled desperately with out entire seven-year dating relationship. My husband and I have been married for a little over three years now and feel amazingly blessed that, despite our backgrounds, we only gave into sexual sin with each other and that by God’s grace, we are healed from the damage we caused ourselves and each other.
We wish to give them all we can in terms of how God wants us to live and then trust Him with them. I am going to discuss these ideas with my husband and ponder on how to implement these ideas. I began The Road to 31 almost two years ago in an effort to focus more as I studied the Word of God and researched those things which were important to me.
I am by no means above supporting arranged marriages even though I think this can be done properly as it is sometimes within other cultures and has been done throughout most of history, I and my husband definitely do not feel called to do this for our own children.


Some families take is so far as to have the father and young man interview before ever involving the daughter and then there is a lot of chaperoning. I only bring these thoughts to the forefront to hopefully help parents think a little more intensely about their choices for their children. Yes, parents are there to protect and advise their children, but at the age when they are pursuing marriage, I don’t believe that parents should be making that decision for the kids. They should be looking for someone with godly character with whom they can see themselves partnering for a lifelong, God-glorifying marriage. These always bring a bit of extra money to our family and I am not only proud of that, but my husband is very thankful for it too.
Our hope and prayer is that as they age they will show maturity well beyond the average teenager. God blessed and protected us right through our huge mistakes but it would have been even more a blessing if our parents had been much more involved. But I know that it would have been less-rocky process if our parents had invested themselves in our relationship when we were little. I want my boys to grow up to be good husbands to Godly women, to respect, support and love them even in the difficult times and I think you words are pointing in the right direction.
I found that God used The Road to 31 within my own life to bring community to my front door and allowed me to minister and be ministered to by other women who are walking along the same road as I.
God is continuously faithful toward us even thought we daily sin against Him, even though we make idols and are adulterers He still chooses to love us, keep us, and preserve us until the end because He chose to place His love on us based on His covenant not our love toward Him. Other families allow the boy and girl to make the decision that they want to start courting and then the parents are heavily involved in guiding decision making from there on out. That short statement will help me in explaining our reason for courtship to so many others.Thank you again & God bless! They can advise, but what those adult children ultimately decide to do is between them and God.
I think a wise adult does consult others and receive counsel from others, especially from family who knows them best.
The reason I bring these ideas forth is to spark discussion and purposeful thought on the the side of the parent. That’s just it, I wrote this post concerning what I see in the average Christian family and their teenagers. Romans 3:9-12 The only reason we love Christ is because He first loved us and because the Holy Spirit residing within us gives us the will to love Christ.
My mom was a SAHM, and I always wanted to be a SAHM when I had kids, but I still went to college, got a degree, met my husband, got married and worked for a few years. They need to be willing to hear truth that is uncomfortable…maybe that person they are pursuing is raising some red flags and they need to hear that. I pray as we all do that I will be able to trust my children as fellow adults to make wise decisions putting the Lord first and not their own sin filled hearts.
Specifically, he wants to talk about the over-willingness of Christian women he has encountered on several of his dates who want to jump right from a very public conversation and vanilla latte at Starbucks to very private whispers and physical exchanges between the sheets back at his place.Usually this gender scenario is reversed, but the sex, love and dating landscape continues to move in a progressively liberal direction among Christians without any solid indicators that it will change anytime soon.
I do feel however that the majority of dating methods are not conducive to keeping the couple pure whereas I do feel like courtship is a little better in that area. I wasn’t about to sit around and wait for my husband to magically appear at my doorstep and then allow my parents to decide if I was allowed to marry him or not.
Finding a mate has a lot more to do with the motives and intents of one’s heart than it does with the particular methodology of finding that person. Neither of us were trained in Biblical manhood and womanhood, or taught how to fulfill those roles. But ultimately, I don’t believe that parents are given the authority to control a relationship to the extent that they are allowed to just cut it off. We were completely normal by the world’s standards but we know we were going about this the wrong way, yet our parents were not a source of help on how to stop the habitual sin. God is still sovereign even when adult children make what parents think is an unwise decision. How does a marriage without love teach children anything other than to avoid marriage at all costs?


There has to be a point where the parental control moves into counseling them and guiding them. I think that we SHOULD prepare our daughters according to their skills and encourage that they continue their education so that they can become the Proverbs 31 woman in every way – working diligently with their hands. I wished as things became more difficult that we could talk to someone about this but dialog about relationships wasn’t a thing, especially with my mom because of her own issues regarding sex that caused her to overreact to my situation with threats rather than understanding and guidance. Secondly, I’m not sure that I agree with the differences between courtship and dating. In my 30 years of youth and adult ministry experience, this is as unfiltered, direct and honest as a question and answer can be.It is equally honest to say that nearly nine out of 10 self-proclaimed single Christians are, in practice, sexual atheists. In other words, God has nothing to say to them on that subject of any consequence or, at least, anything meaningful enough to dissuade them from following their own course of conduct. Also, what happens if two people are courting and it becomes obvious that things are not meant to be? A person who at once believes in a wise, sovereign and loving God who created them and all things, can also believe simultaneously He should not, cannot or will not inform their thinking or living sexually. I’m assuming that nobody is locked into marriage simply because they began courtship, correct? It reminds me of those famous red letters in Luke's Gospel where Jesus says, "Why do you call me 'Lord, Lord' and do not do what I say?" (Luke 6:46, NIV). If it becomes obvious that it is not the right partnership for life, they would end things before they reached marriage, since that would be for life. There is disconnect between identity and activity.If you let the paint mentally dry on the statistic above and the perception about God it reflects for a moment, perhaps my contention of sexual atheism won't seem so far-fetched.
No amount of hand-wringing at the many-headed hydra of the entertainment world or raucous deploring of immoral political philosophies invading our nation can explain this one.No, our life in God and for our God reflects our real view of God. These are our adults who populate our weekend services, attend our Bible studies, download our podcast messages, pray often and who have Jesus Culture, TobyMac and Maroon 5 in their playlists.
We should really make an effort to not be too shocked or surprised.Jesus Himself said it would trend this way. The apostle Paul forewarned the very single, very godly Timothy that there would be times in his ministry when clear and sound doctrine in Scripture would be defeated by broken culture teaming up with the ever-present and self-serving nature within every Christian. He accurately forecasted a self-styled Christianity that reflected culture over the character of Christ in personal moral spaces and practice.And nothing, from any frame of reference, is more personal and more moral than our choices regarding sexual expression. But interestingly, Paul's counsel to Timothy for that time when he saw these trends manifesting on a grand scale was this: "Be serious about everything, endure hardship, do the work of an evangelist, fulfill your ministry" (2 Tim.
Solid, timely and reliable advice like this was needed then and is really needed now.As God's men and women, as fathers and mothers, as pastors and lay ministers and as loving brothers and sisters, we too must keep our heads clear. We must do our work in the midst of this attack on the body of Christ and fulfill our ministries in the midst of this spiritual battle. We must faithfully and directly speak into the relevant spiritual and practical themes that are at the root of the issue instead of wasting our time bemoaning the symptoms these statistics represent.We must graciously but prophetically call out the shortsightedness of Christians who are borrowing trouble sexually and sinning against God and others in the process through our messaging and ministries. We must confront ourselves and our brothers and sisters with the veracity, authority and loving transparency of Scripture, which reflects God's love and wisdom in life-saving and marriage-saving ways.
That is, we must point out the truth that if I am undisciplined sexually before marriage and willing to compromise myconvictions before marriage, a wedding ring will not make me disciplined aftermarriage. Instead of believing that God knows better, Christian adults will believe they know how to meet their needs better or, on the more arrogant end, that they know better when it comes to sex and dating, period.To say that professing or self-described Christians are becoming more liberal means that their reference point for assessing and practicing sexuality is more cultural and personal rather than biblical or spiritual. It means that they possess a low view of God and Scripture and a high view of self and culture as the key drivers of their moral and sexual behavior.Practical sexual atheism among Christians says God can speak into some things but not sex.
This ultimate expression of self-deception and loss of mind goes all the way back to the garden, when a certain character asked Adam and Eve: "Did God really say that?" They took the bait and, apparently, so are the majority of single Christians in the garden of love, sex and dating. For they, along with us, will have that moment in front of the living Christ, and we want that moment to be the best it can possibly be.



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