She'll Care Even If She Says She Doesn'tIt doesn't matter how many times your friend says she doesn't mind you dating her ex: I bet she does, in some way. You Could Lose Your FriendThere is a very good chance that you could lose your friend here, and you have to ask yourself: is he worth it? You Wouldn't Like It If Someone Did It To YouHow would you feel if one of your besties started dating your ex?
Source: ShutterStockYou Might Get Weirdly Jealous Even if your friend doesn't seem weird about things, you might actually be the one who does feel weird about stuff. Give us your juiciest, wildest, weirdest and embarrassingest (it’s a word) hook up stories! I think if I've learned anything about friendship, it's to hang in, stay connected, fight.. When I was in high school, my best friend went behind my back and started dating my ex-boyfriend when I went on vacation.
I could tell she wasn’t thrilled, and our friendship became more about jealousy than anything else.
Yes, there are exceptions to everything, but in the majority of cases, the friend will lie. Without even meaning for it to happen, you might start to compare your relationship to their relationship.
They wholeheartedly believe that it's wrong, disrespectful, and if a friend did that to them, they'd never talk to that person again.
Either they don't want to feel stupid, they really do want to be okay with it, or they want to try to avoid unnecessary drama. If this girl is a good friend to you and has always been there for you, why risk losing her?
Plus, when other people find out you two are dating, you know they're going to talk about it - and even though you should never care about what other people think or say, it will definitely make you feel weird and could put a strain on your relationship. They believe this is something everybody knows, that they're just following the rules.What I've noticed, though, is that every person I've heard espouse this worldview was straight. It's common to assume that anything shared with you is by default shared with your partner as well; however, your friend might be much less comfortable speaking to you in confidence if she thought the details of her personal life were going to be relayed to someone who used to share her toothbrush. I know that when I lied about being okay with my friend dating my ex, it was because I didn't want to look like the lame girl who couldn't move on, and because I really didn't want to lose my friend, even though I was mad at her.


You might start worrying that things were going on behind your back when you were dating him.
It's Not Nice, Especially If She Still Likes HimWhen it comes down to it, this really just isn't a nice thing to do. How are you and your BF supposed to hang out with your friends if everyone feels totally awkward about you two being together? The reverse is also true; no matter how much you love discussing your dude with your besties, his ex can probably live without hearing the details of his current sex life. You Might Lose Other Friends TooIf your friend gets really angry that you're dating her ex and you two stop being friends, chances are, you'll lose at least one more friend. Queer communities are often small and insular, and once you've found one, you tend to hold on to it for dear life. In situations like these, friends tend to stick together, and since your friend is the victim here, she just might get the supporters, leaving you alone with no one by your side. It's difficult to meet people you're romantically interested in beyond an already-defined circle, and outside of your city's queer scene, most people you run into are likely to be straight. I was miserable, angry, and felt so betrayed, but I was trying to hide it because I didn’t want to lose my friend. Even if you meet someone to whom you think you have no previous connection, a 10-minute conversation almost always reveals that she went to high school with your college roommate, used to be on a volleyball team with that girl from your book club, and had a six-month stand with your favorite barista.Advertisement - Continue Reading BelowQueers don't tend to expect our dates to come into our lives completely free of prior complication.
It's OK to come to your partner for advice if you're arguing with your friend, or vice versa, but absolutely resist the urge to belittle or insult one of them to the other. This can be extremely tempting if they ended on bad terms and you know you'll find a sympathetic ear. I can count the degrees of hookup separation between my closest friends and myself, and usually come up with no more than two or three. However, in order to maintain a healthy relationship with both of them, it's crucial that you never seem even a little like you're taking sides in their breakup or casting either one as the bad guy, even months or years after the fact. For instance, if your friend doesn't want to go to parties where her ex will be in attendance, don't pressure her. In general, allow your friend and your sweetheart to decide how much contact they want with each other, and don't push them to associate if they're not into it. Don't do this ever, but especially not if his last girlfriend is the person you're going rock climbing with Sunday.


So don't seek out comparisons, and if your dude brings up the topic, tell him you're not interested in hearing it.
You and your friend are not in competition, except when you're actually playing Scrabble.5. Don't try to keep your boyfriend and your bud from associating because you're afraid they still have feelings for each other, and don't constantly seek reassurance that that's not the case.
Trust that your dude is with you because he likes you and you're awesome, not because he's biding his time until your friend takes him back. Trust that your friend is happy you've found someone you dig, not plotting to sabotage your love.
And don't ever use jealousy or insecurity over their past relationship to excuse irrational or controlling behavior on your part. Of course, if your sweetie gives you a legitimate reason to believe he's untrustworthy, get out of there stat, but if there's really nothing wrong, don't create problems where none exist.6.
It may be tempting ask your friend to analyze what happened between the two of them so that you can avoid making the same mistakes, but resist that urge. Likewise, don't grill your boyfriend on what went wrong or insist that he account for his behavior throughout the entire time they dated. If they choose to share details with you, that's fine — you don't need to stick your fingers in your ears, unless an overt comparison is being made (see No. Your relationship and theirs are separate things, and you don't need to know anything they don't care to tell you.7. If someone seriously mistreated your friend (we're talking emotional or physical abuse, infidelity, lying, stealing, etc.), don't date him, no matter how awesome his butt looks in jeans. This has nothing to do with some kind of Eternal Dibs situation, and everything to do with the fact that, by choosing to build a relationship with someone who treated her horribly, you're telling your friend you don't think what he did to her was all that bad.
There are lots of people out there who are just as good in bed and haven't traumatized anyone you care about.



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