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For the past few months, my mom has been catfishing a guy online and I don’t know what to do.
I am a career-driven woman recently married to a similarly career-driven man, and we both plan to continue our child-free existence. If you have to hike back to the beach house to assure that your family is among the designated survivors, you simply have to speak up. Earlier this year, I decided to give online dating a try and signed up for a free online dating site. OkCupid just revealed it had been telling members that poor matches were actually good matches, in order to track what happened. I happen to be the type of person who craves the approval of my husband’s family, but they have given me the cold shoulder.
One of the parents is a teacher, who should know how important words can be, who has a particularly whiny little boy. My mom was very supportive and interested in me finding someone, and, unbeknownst to me, created a fake profile to scope out the site. All on her own, your mother came up with her own exceedingly bad match: a depressed, gun-owning young man looking for love, and an older married woman looking to make herself feel wanted. My husband’s mother and sister also see children as the most valued products of a relationship. Saying that in an alcohol-driven moment of insecurity you sought their love by conjuring a nonexistent pregnancy is unlikely to make them re-consider their coldness. I was perturbed when I found out, but I went along with it under the condition that she didn’t message anyone.
Recently, in a moment of utter stupidity and desperation (and after a glass of wine or two), I texted his mother that I was expecting. It would instead color all your interactions for a long time to come and make them question anything you said—along with your sanity and sobriety.


Stop acting like a girl, sissy!” I have a young daughter who is around for these exchanges, and it makes me crazy that she has to listen to this. But it will also be awkward if after a company-sponsored social event Steve kills himself or someone else.
She broke her promise and created an elaborate profile that mimicked my life (without using my name) and began talking to a few people. It sounds as if your mother’s adventures could make a good episode on the spin-off television series.
This is especially the case since you don’t intend to ever make real your bogus claim about producing a child. Yes, she’s the parent, but this is your home, and you are within your rights to set certain rules. One year we took a group vacation to the beach and I was terrified to let them drive our family home after dinner one night and insisted we walk. She ended up forming a friendship with one guy who was getting divorced who she felt sounded depressed. I get messages during the day from my mother-in-law and sister-in-law, including lengthy emails full of pregnancy and child-rearing advice.
Ask to speak with her when she is not rushed, and tell her you are looking for a way to help her son, who is a sensitive child. My husband works with Steve at a small company, so we’ve never addressed this situation directly because it would make things awkward at work. Say that you understand part of their enjoyment of the evening is being able to have a couple of bottles of wine, but that puts them over the legal limit for driving, and you are worried about their safety. While pretending to be a 28-year-old woman, she offered him suggestions on how to fix his profile. Sure, this will inevitably result in a barrage of questions and concern about this turn of events: was the pregnancy wishful thinking, a defective test, a miscarriage.
Say that the next time you have a festive night, either they need to agree to stay under the drinking limit, or if not, you would like them to accept other arrangement for getting home—and you two are happy to drive.


I have asked my husband to stay silent until I can figure out how to fix things, but in doing so have made him an accessory to my lie. Explain you’d like to ease these for her boy, and then outline some steps to make the hand-offs less stressful.
If they refuse, then they become friends you see under circumstances when everyone is expected to stay sober. In fact, she created several new profiles and pretended to be interested in him to help build his confidence. Marriage is one of those great life shifts that has a way of bringing up long-buried psychological issues.
If she’s always running late, ask her to budget more time so she and her son can be more relaxed.
What really scares me is that he left a gift certificate for her to pick up at a local store, which I persuaded her not to use.
On the other hand, this is my home and my child, and I feel I should have some say over what goes on in it.
If, however, the problem is that she drags things out with her insults, suggest you meet the boy at her car door in the morning, and bring him to her in the evening. Let’s hope if the start and end of his day are easier, there will be less opportunity for her nasty remarks.
Not only should you leave the website she’s infiltrated, you should tell her you are not going to be a sounding board for her alternative-identity activities.



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