The end of my marriage was a life-shattering event that rocked my world and made me question my existence. It took me a long time to feel open to another relationship because I was stuck in the past, replaying the story of my former relationship over and over again in my mind.
I believed the harsh comments my ex made about my character, shortcomings, and behavior made me an unworthy person. After my last relationship, I came up with a mental checklist of values and traits I wanted in a future partner. After my painful, soul-crushing break-up, I would have preferred to walk through a lion and tiger-filled African safari than get into another relationship. In my last relationship I’d put myself out there, revealed almost everything about myself, and placed my heart in another person’s hand. As you can see, I dealt with a full can of worms of negative thoughts and disempowering beliefs.
If you have similar beliefs because of a break-up, you know that it’s virtually impossible to meet new people and start over again in your love life. Here are nine ways to set aside your limiting beliefs and open your heart to a new relationship. What happened once can be seen as a teaching experience so you’ll know what to avoid in the future.
When you think a disempowering thought, like “all relationships lead to pain” or “I’ll never find love again,” challenge it.
Do work that brings you joy, surround yourself with supportive people, and create a zone of positivity around you. Simply acknowledging what your mind is doing will help you be more conscious of its tricky ways.
If you keep focused on doing work you love, spending time with people you love, and engaging in activities you love, you will be in a much better place to invite romance into your life. In order to become more loving, I had to let go of the ego, anger, and resentment that clouded my life. I realized that I had to reign in my anger, check my controlling behavior, and wash my ego with more love and compassion. Try affirmations, meditations, journaling, and other practices to help you shift your beliefs about love.
When someone calls you or wants to take you out for dinner, think in terms of the possibilities of a new relationship, not all the things that can go wrong.
Instead of thinking “here we go again” with new circumstances in your life, remind yourself that you have the opportunity to show up more wisely and with a more open heart. Take small steps to trusting someone, sharing with someone, and opening your heart to someone new.
It’s not too late to set aside your resistance to love and your limiting views of relationships to find the person who’s just right for you.
I feel like this article ignores a lot of like, glaring facts about dating and finding love in the modern world that just cannot go without mention. Things are changing wildly and rapidly for people in this regard, especially for younger people my age. There are deep, deep frays between the sexes these days and we’re seeing it manifest in a lot of ways.
This is absolutely crucial for getting our more desired outcomes, and it is particularly important to examine in this area of life where there is so much emotional charge. When we can realize how we may have manifested the people and relationships we did, we can empower ourselves to make the shifts that will get us what we want.
Do you have some beliefs, bad experiences with relationships that are preventing you from loving someone again?
We all get hurt in relationships and if you want to talk to him about that before getting into a relationship that’s one way to go. IF your intuition otherwise is telling you this is not the right relationship for you, then maybe it isn’t.
Thanks Priyanka for reading – yes, keeping an open mind and open belief system will allow new possibilities to unfold. The wounds were so deep and heart-break so heavy that my ability to love someone else was broken forever.
I felt rejected by one person but it felt like that one person represented all women and I wouldn’t find someone else. I felt like there was nothing I could give to anyone else because I had given everything I had.
I’d continue to attract someone like my ex or find myself attracted to someone like that again.
I believed the exact person I was looking for likely didn’t exist, and that meant there was no one out there for me. Beliefs are based on your subjective experience; they can be changed or seen through a different lens. Spend less time focusing on your heartbreak and the negative beliefs you’ve developed because of your past.
Acknowledge that your mind is pulling you back to the past and wants to drag you through a cycle of pain and sadness.
If you find your mind drifting back to the relationship, just come back to what you were doing before your past popped up.


Interpret events that happen to you through a new framework of love—not the old framework of heartbreak. If you’re overwhelmed by the gravity of a new relationship, take it slow and build trust in that person over time.
Please share them in the comments below and let me know what you’re doing to work through them. Some of these beliefs are lifelong and become more apparent when we go through heartbreak and divorce. I think you mentioned the solution in your comment – bringing love to every situation in your life, including your relationships. I feel that men and women these days are really only looking out for themselves and there is always this selfish attitude from both genders. Can you see what it is you’re doing in each relationship – do you do the same thing and find similar people in your life? Yes, our beliefs around relationships are important to make changes, to move on and to find someone new in our lives. Being able to be mindful of your anger is not an easy task or readily available to everyone so you’re definitely making a lot of progress. I would like to say thank you for this article and all the other articles you have written regarding being heartbroken and breakups.
There is this guy, he is great, really good, the kind of person you can be with but I feel and think of a relationship as a burden.
Recognizing our limiting thoughts is the first step to seeing what’s holding us back. People of color bear the brunt of this horror the most IMO and it definitely has effects on the ways people interact with one another and are able to maintain long term relationships… If you can get past all the landmines listed in the article, you still have to deal with the way society is now structured. And you make a great point of having to fully go through the grieving process before being able to move on.
I talk about it briefly in 7 above – becoming the most loving and kind people ourselves and attracting those partners into our lives. Feel free to reach out to me by email if you would like or check out a couple of my other articles here on Tiny Buddha on how to deal with the pain of heartbreak.
As a coach that focuses on helping people work consciously with their energy to more deliberately create their reality, I am a huge advocate of examining the negative beliefs we have around any aspect of life. People are just not in a hurry to get in relationships and I think that is especially true for guys. And another thing, you may believe that you need to get to a place of forgiveness til you’re ready to forgive. Some ways to cope include getting some support, finding any friend or family that will be there for you, talking to counselors or mentor if available. I have started a journey of self love which has lead me to travel around the country and learn more about myself. If we don’t forgive, we tend to hold onto resentment, anger and grudges like hot coals that burn our own hands.
No second chances, no ultimatums, no opportunity to work it out and try to change after only a year of marriage.
I wanted to build large walls to protect my heart so I wouldn’t have to bare my soul again. Commit to becoming the best version of yourself by working on your confidence, overcoming your fears, and following your dreams.
If not a relationship first, start by building those connections in your friendships with others first.
Now is the time for friends, support, and doing the things for yourself that can help with healing and moving on.
I don’t really have the answer but I have been told that stuff like this takes time which I know is not very helpful or comforting to know.
Instead of “why do men use me” what is a more empowering question you can ask yourself? When we do forgive, we put the coals down and walk in life more freely and without the pain of the burning coals. We carried it proudly all the way back to one of their houses and proceeded to patch the hole with a piece of plywood and tar.
I see so many people who jump right into a new relationship long before they have finished grieving the old one. Bond and build stronger connections with your friends and allow that to come into your relationships too? I’m not sure how I personally can change society lol (maybe you can share some thoughts) but I can try to do my part and live with more connection, love, a positive mindset and show up more courageously. Once you have insights on yourself and see the patterns, you can make the necessary changes. Some thoughts right now is to take care of yourself, get the support you need around you and start the healing process. I think the last person missed out and the next person is going to be lucky to find themselves in a relationship with you.
So, I think the first thing is to change some of the questions you’re asking yourself. At some point, to move on, you’ll have to forgive him for doing this to you so you can let go of the resentment and anger you are likely feeling.


The point, in my opinion, is to get through this breakup, find yourself in the process, heal, learn the lessons that this relationship presented to you, realize you can embrace changes and move on, learn more about yourself, and go out into the world to find someone who is more compatible and right for you.
And the more I feel like that deeper connection with a someone is missing, the more I experience difficulties in every other area of my life.
I thought that someone had damaged my life beyond repair – today, I realize it was the best thing that ever happened to me and I am grateful beyond words for the relationship.
Could it be time for a temporary move to another city that you’ve always wanted to live in and would enjoy meeting the people there? The transformation will come later, for now, just find the resources to help you take it one day at a time. The men you meet is out of your control but the questions you ask yourself, the beliefs you have about men and dating and where you live is all in your control.
One of the boys found a canoe paddle in the weeds and we three got into the boat and started to paddle out. Three, he’s getting out of your life so you can find someone who is much more compatible and suitable for you. But when I see people with active social and dating, and sex lives; I keep asking myself: What the hell is wrong with me? We feverishly paddled with that one oar and bailed out the water with our hands and an old can. Don’t let this one experience overly influence your future relationships and thoughts about relationships. Barely we made it to shore and got out just before the boat sank below the water and headed downstream. Wet, cold and shaking the three of us headed home knowing we would never tell our parents of this stupid adventure. We were lucky to be alive and it was only by Goda€™s grace that I can live to tell about it. Sometimes that other road will bring you back to your original path and sometimes it will take you farther away from it.
But God used him to gather and lead his people out of Pharaoha€™s slavery and split the Red Sea in two.A  Joseph was sold into slavery by his brothers and was cast into prison but became the second most powerful person inEgypt. Or, maybe just maybe a smile or a kind word from you to a stranger may just prevent them from going home and ending their own life and their grandson will some day save the world. He will bring to light things that are now hidden in darkness, and will make known the secret purposes of people's hearts. Throw your troubled waters out of your boat and paddle on down that river of life with Him at your side. You have ears, but you don't really listen.Psalm 13:2 -- How long must I worry and feel sad in my heart all day? I have been praying for something to happen for 4A? years now and what I prayed for was not granted.
Leta€™s speak of reality a€“ He is God and He can do what He wants to or not do what He doesna€™t want to.
We cannot command the Lord to do anything whether we do it in pleading, tears, anger, or desperation. If God has the will, He may answer our prayers about life but nothing says that He absolutely has to. All we have is the hope that he will hear us, see what we are going through, and grant us a little drop of His mercy in this life. He will cure a cancer, heal the deaf, grow an arm back or bring someone back to life but that does not mean He will do it all the time. He has given us guidance through His word (the Bible) and occasionally gives us a nudge or lesson to learn from but basically kicks us out of the nest like the mother bird does to face the challenges of life. I get so frustrated at times that my prayers are not answered and I have to keep reminding myself that this is my life and I need to deal with it on my own sometimes. Their job is to preach the message to inspire, encourage, and give hope to their congregations. If we are to be an example of His mercy to others, it can only be done with people of lesser stature than us. He wants us to spread the Gospel and not make up stories of what He has done for us personally in life.
Just show others how you believe in His salvation and forgiveness and tell them of His Word. He has promised everything in His kingdom of Heaven to those who accept His Son as Lord and Savior. Life here is just a temporary setback, trial and test to see if we are worthy of everlasting life sharing in His love -- or without it in a very dark place. So accept His Son as your Lord and claim the only real promise that He made to us --- Forgiveness and Salvation.



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