Relationships are one part of life in which (at least if you’re looking for something serious) it really pays to take a few things seriously. What most of us overlook though is the fact that it is not only ourselves being judged by a potential partner, but our friends as well. The way we spend our time, and who we choose to spend it with, are a snapshot of our values. Our jobs, our lifestyle, the number of empty week-old pizza boxes in our apartment – all serve as indicators of our standards in life.
The point is, everything we give attention and energy to tells someone about what we value.
While a guy is not exactly going to refuse to take a woman home for one night because she has an annoying friend (in fact, this might provide special motivation to get her back to his bedroom alone even quicker), the people a woman chooses to have in her life will seriously affect his perception of her as a long-term partner. I’ve noticed more and more in my own life how I unconsciously judge people when they introduce me to their close circle of friends, especially if I notice that the majority of their social circle are self-centered, snobby, bitchy, obnoxious or bullying. Does she mock other friends who aren’t present to defend themselves in a mean-spirited way?
Is she caustic and demeaning in her treatment of strangers and service-staff who approach her and her friends’ table? Much as we may not like to believe it, we are all extremely susceptible to the influence of those around us. This is the kind of thing I know I would have found myself shrugging off in my early twenties, but increasingly I’ve become aware of how much you can tell about someone by the company they keep. If your friends always have bitchy conversations, a guy will assume that you do the same when he’s not around. If you have friends who are insecure and who complain about their lives all day, a guy will assume you indulge in the same bad habit. Stephen Hussey helped co-write the Get The Guy book and is a wealth of knowledge on dating and relationships. You are absolutely telling the truth, when you are saying that men are judging us on our friends.
Even, in a case scenario where, the guys’ friends happen to be your best or close friends don’t let the value of friendship blur your judgement.
Their socioeconomic status is a lot lower, they work hard and have many troubles of their own- but whenever I need them whether to do er just listen or visit me because i am to fatigued to get out of bed they are there for me.
And just as poorly selected friends negatively reflect on a woman high-quality female and male friends raise her value. The main reason to surround oneself with high-quality people, though, is that they force you (subconsciously) to raise your own game, to strive for ever higher quality for yourself. Important Note: While I do believe – and have seen proof – that the advice and programs I provide can help you improve your love life , please understand that not everyone will experience the exact same results. But I can tell you that if you read the advice and continually apply it in your life, your chances of success increase dramatically. This is the eleventh piece to be published on the Get The Guy blog from my brother Stephen. Today’s piece dispels the myth that looks are all that matters, and provides a comprehensive breakdown of what a High Value Woman is. When we identify these categories we see what separates the woman who only gets attention for one night from the woman who is constantly batting away marriage proposals. The problem with this conclusion though is that it confuses attention with attraction. Pretty women will always get attention from a certain percentage of guys. She has physical attraction, which means this: as long as she doesn’t do something horrific in his presence, like murder a fellow human being in cold blood, or tell him to “call me maybe” when they exchange numbers, he’s going to want to sleep with her. But even with visual attraction, there’s no guarantee a guy will even approach in the first place. One woman could look like Scarlett Johansson, but if he’s scared of getting a cocktail thrown in his face he could be in the room with her for ten hours and never strike up a conversation. Yet it’s so bizarre how we assume people with good looks must have breezy love lives and just fall into relationships. When a woman is just physically attractive and nothing else, a guy places that woman into the Sex Category, or what we can call Box No. These are just some of the major traits that men are unconsciously seeking out when they begin dating someone. Moreover, the broader purpose of this piece is to highlight that everyone struggles with different parts of the process when it comes to dating.
Just because someone is physically appealing, it doesn’t mean that they have the high value traits that make a guy want to call them for a second and third date, or get into a relationship with them (and the same goes for men). Equally, just because someone is high value and would make an incredible partner does not mean that they are good at getting that initial attention in the first ten minutes.
I know hundreds of man, many high value ones, and I get in contact with new people all the time.
I believe that there is a reason for everything and a reason why things don’t work out even though both know how it works. I would say: playfulness, strong sense of purpose, looking after her health and treating her body with respect, a feeling of self-worth and internal validation, displaying sexual confidence and ability to turn him on emotionally and sexually.
I would be interested to here more about what men think about women, from a man’s perspective.
Not sure if sure if my earlier comment went through so I apologize for the redundancy and forcing you to read such a long comment yet again. The reason why this behavior makes me feel insecure and bad about myself is because I have found myself as a fly on the wall of a men’s locker room. Even though I haven’t been training with the higher level guys lately, I have noticed that my skill has improved drastically in just a short period of time than it has compared to the other schools I have been at. Putting my personal feelings aside the issues that I see going forward are: 1) Retention of new girls that come to the school.
Look yourself in to the mirror and genuinely tell yourself how great and beautiful you are. You will know that disturbing stage when your best friend (who’s been a loser for a lifetime, I have to say) gets a beautiful woman to fall for him in, like a couple of weeks?! Easy Girl System tells you much better ways to pick up women and get their telephone numbers. The problem with this in the first part of a date is that the longer you leave it before introducing touch, the more awkward touch becomes. As a woman you have the power to set the tone for this by giving him a hug or a kiss on the cheek when you first see him. If you’re an amazing conversationalist, you can take someone to the corner of a quiet bar and talk all night, creating an amazing connection.

Even if you were sitting on a busy park bench people-watching, this allows you to comment on things outside of yourselves, as opposed to having the sole focus on the two of you and the conversation you’re having. I am very much looking forward to a first date this wednesday, and also very grateful for your tips! I wish you the best this 2014 and your friends and family too ;) and the makers of this site and all the helpers of GetTheGuy as well wish you alotts of love From The Netherlands.
Follow-up Question to Suggestion #2: I have been dating a lot recently in London and although I am aware of this advice that we should sit next to each other rather than opposite each other, whenever we go to a restaurant, in most cases, the table setting is such that it is impossible to sit next to each other. Read previous post:Ladies You Should Be EmbarrassedThis week's video has a message I really wanted to get out to you before the New Year. Most of us were taught by our parents to look past superficial adornments like what designer watch or expensive clothes we happen to wear, but the truth is, while pricey brand names are no indicator of class or merit, we all cannot help but make decisions based on how much effort someone puts into their appearance (fortunately, this is by far and away a question of taste and attention to detail more than it is money – in fact, over-spending on clothes and jewellery can be a negative indicator on our relationship-value if it makes us look vacuous and superficial). Research has repeatedly shown that our personality often becomes a composite of the five people with whom we spend the most time.
If a woman notices the guy she is dating has a bunch of friends or roommates who are players that have no scruples or morality in their dating lives, she’ll start to wonder if her guy approves of this behaviour, and may even start to feel suspicious of what he’s like when she’s not around. It’s worth being aware that those within our orbit are always part of the greater picture of who we are. Don’t forget to look at the rest of his friends and listen to your other friends and family.
Steve helped co-write the Get The Guy book and is a wealth of knowledge on dating and relationships. They will overlook any personality flaw in a woman if she has a pretty face and the body of a Victoria’s Secret model.
They are seduced by money and power and will compromise on any other desired qualities if they can pin down a man who has both. The male stereotype exists because it’s plain to see that attractive women can receive a ton of attention for their looks. Just like rich and powerful guys will always get attention from a certain percentage of women. The beauty industry likes to make this seem like a labyrinth of complexity, but really it comes down to: working out regularly, eating well, taking care of our skin, grooming well, dressing to compliment our best assets, being fashionable and coordinated, having good posture and a warm smile. Good looks just help with one part of the process, and even then they don’t guarantee much more than a few sleazy come-ons at a bar.
The more high value traits a woman shows, the quicker he puts her straight into the Girlfriend Category.
It’s obvious that people are more choosy about who they have relationships with compared to potential sex partners. To go back to our job analogy earlier – it’s as though they are perfect for the role but don’t know how to write an eye-catching resume that shows their qualities early on, leaving them overlooked for the wrong reasons.
Take a look through the qualities mentioned in this piece and identify one or two areas that you think are your weakest areas. It barely happens that I feel honestly attracted by a man because the combination I am looking for is very rare. This particular one was even more interesting in many aspects cause it triggered many questions inside my little brain. However, currently I am working on my self confidence and ability to uphold my standards esp when I’m feeling low.
It’s obvious by the way these guys approach these girls and talk about them when they are not there that they are thinking with their *****. There haven’t been any girls before me who have stayed at this school and trained as consistently there as I have. 2) Girls who do play into that behavior and use sex as a way to get ahead will only create drama and resentment between the students at the school. Jiujitsu is really hard training and getting beatup by nothing but dudes is truly humbling. I am constantly checking myself on the neediness issue because that’s not who I want to be as I view myself as a highly independent person. I am not at all the model type, and like you mentioned I too thought that men only go by looks. Wouldn’t it be so? much cooler if we just knew who we would end up having a good connection with? Every little thing I? learned, I learned from Easy Girl System? Look it up and find out if they could help you out. When you’re ready to restart the conversation, you can turn to your side and carry on.
Examples could be a museum or a comedy show, or on a more subtle level it could be something as simple as taking a walk together.
We’ll see how it goes, and I will come back afterwards for some real response on them. Besides, some guys have no manners and think they can stick their tongue into my neck right away. Most spaces are small in restaurants especially if the reservation is for 2 people, 1) either the table is too small so we cant sit side by side or 2) the table setting is already set up and 3) it can be awkward in the beginning to ask the server to rearrange the table setting and 4) the date might interpret it as being clingy at the outset. But, because, the “judgement” you speak of is also called first impression, I think that we need to be careful and stand clear from a fire-forest-effect approach. If they happen to tell you even mild things like “you can do so much better than that,” or “that’s not a man for you,” they are probably right!
Every person is an individual and every situation is unique so no single piece of advice will work for everyone at every time. If you screw up the interview or turn out to be useless on the job (not a euphemism, promise!), then the resume won’t help.
It doesn’t mean a girl has to be the hottest woman he’s ever seen by any stretch of the imagination – it just means he has to feel some base tug of sexual chemistry. This is why some guys claim they ‘just know’ that a girl is a keeper – because early on they see evidence that the girl they are dating is high value and thus irreplaceable (providing he’s in the right time in his life for a commitment of course). There is huge power in identifying what we need to work on, or else we stumble blind for months or years working on the wrong things. If I notice a pattern in the responses I’ll direct a future article to that specific topic. I attract lots of guys constantly, everyone is impressed (and so on), the offer never stops.
It always requires two people and even in cases where both might be high value and are attracted to each other it doesnt mean that is the right thing and will work out.

You emphasize that good looking women are just that, good looking, nothing else, worth only Box #1.
Your perception is right for you obviously, it’s just interesting because I never would have thought that personally. This all makes me feel bad because it makes me feel like I’m not good enough to receive this advanced training.
3) Creating this type of sexual favoritism for specific women creates an unhealthy catty and competitive environment among women which makes it harder for us to be a team. So getting another girl to train with esp if she is at your level or more experienced is a blessing. However a huge issue that I am working on right now is my confidence and ability to uphold my standards in a drama free way.
I am not seeking a relationship with any of these guys but I can see that working on these insecurities will help me become a more High Value woman in life.
I feel that I posses great qualities as a person and I think I have integrity and values but men don’t approach me at all. I was a player but i found her really stunning and loveable i really need to settle down with her. Like, when we got in close physical approximation with someone we are meant to be with, we’d have a ring on our finger that lights up. He picked out the most quiet bar ever, we sat opposite of each other all night (which also makes the touching part pretty much impossible btw) and i had nowhere to look when it got awkward. However, I knew this guy some years back, and am not sure of wether to have more physical contact because of that. But i never ever understand why everyone wants so quick a boyfriend it doesn’t make any sense.
Is there a secret part of her that enjoys acting this way when I’m not around?” Once this feeling sets in, I find myself subtly pulling away, refusing to go to social events with the person if I know a group of her annoying friends will be there. I love how you do not sugar-coat things and yet manage to bring your point across eloquently to build coalitions with your readers, on topics that could otherwise possibly cause collisions between you and them. Guys rarely approach the most attractive girl in the place; they approach the girl who is attractive AND approachable.
I’m independent, successful as a blogger and entrepreneur, creative, educated, well behaved, warm hearted, funny and spontaneous.
As my article presents, a good looking girl or woman is considered a show piece, despised by women and men, alike. I really don’t know how to respond to this article because none of your categories define me or have ever defined me. I view women as so obsessed with marriage and babies that they settle for men that are not up to their caliber. I want to assert myself and my issues in a way where I am respected and not seen as a drama queen or insecure about myself. It is my mission to continuously work on myself so that I am not jealous when there is another more beautiful more talented girl who walks through the door. Currently that is being challenged and I would love to talk to Matthew about this on his podcast. I think this is due to the whole analogy of not being able to sell myself or put myself out there in the right way. He discovered a few things about me in the beginning, made a bunch of assumptions often based on pure imagination since I’d told him at some point in all those years how I actually thought or felt or what I desired, and then he proceeded to spend all those years without actually trying to truly get to know me.
When I first showed up to my new school I would have the opportunity to live train with the higher belts (brown & black) but for the past few months I have not been granted that opportunity. But they are also at the same level or not as experienced as me (I’ve been training 6 years and a purple belt) and they also are granted the opportunity to train with the higher level guys (brown and black).
I have separated from the idea that there is something wrong with me and now clearly see that they are not behaving in a very mature way.
I just don’t believe the behavior of the higher ranked guys at the gym who are in a leadership position will help facilitate that same comradery that is already present with the guys with a new group of women. I find myself in the middle of a lot of locker room talk about other girls (And these are women I know or have met). My father always says, “You can either be a donkey or learn from the experience of others.” Ehen, what a donkey I have been this year. I’m strong but also learned to be a woman in male company so they can feel masculine. As long as you stay good humoured, patient and courteous keep your inner resolve and let your light shine out.
I see all of the guys and pretty new girls being granted that opportunity yet I feel left out. I have a young spirit and seem to attract younger men who think I’m the same age as them.
When I first got to the gym the higher belts would live train with me but for the past few months I’ve been left out of this type of training. I’ve double checked my hygiene and also separated the idea that there is something wrong with me.
Way too often, I see people only being in some sort of a rush to bring their message out that they forget who they are dealing with on the receiving end. But still it makes me feel bad because I see it’s in their behavior and has nothing to do with me. More over I do not want someone giving me extra attention because they want to have sex with me because I view myself as a serious athlete and I want to be taken seriously. Hence, upon reading those lines mentioned above, you stroked the fur back in the direction it flows and my reader’s mind was soothed again. Because, it allowed me to really hear you out and this reminded me of how foolish I have recently been. And other than their stupidity they are really great training partners and have really helped me grow as an athlete.

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