A while back I came across some interesting articles and books that dig into what psychologists today are seeing: a rising number of 20-somethings who are depressed and don't know why. One article mentions incoming college freshmen known to deans as "teacups" for their fragility in the face of minor problems. With this said, I've outlined 10 common mistakes that parents today -- me included -- often make. But I think it's important to keep in mind that our children were made to be loved, not worshipped. As a Children's of Alabama psychiatrist recently told me when I interviewed her on teenage depression, early intervention is key because it can change the trajectory for the child's life. But if we're overly involved and invested in their lives, it gets hard to see where they end and we begin. Seeking to be our child's BFF can only lead to permissiveness and choices made out of desperation because we fear losing their approval. I hear these stories a lot at the junior high and high school levels, stories of broken friendships and betrayals due to one family blindsiding another family. I believe children need to work hard and understand that dreams don't come on a silver platter; they have to sweat and fight for them.
But as we project into the future, wondering if our child's knack for art will make them a Picasso, or if their melodic voice will create a Taylor Swift, we may forget to soak up the splendor in front of us: toddlers in footed pajamas, bedtime stories, tummy tickles and elated squeals.
Goleman attests that the best remedy for battling our emotional shortcomings is preventive medicine.
Research in brain-based learning suggests that emotional health is fundamental to effective learning. Hence, the great interest in Emotional Intelligence on the part of corporations, universities, and schools nationwide.
Funderstanding is a resource for teachers, parents, and students to stay up to date on education-related issues. This entry was posted in Emotional Intelligence, Social Emotional Learning, Theory and tagged emotional intelligence. Refreshing information linking the emotional state of persons (children) who are in traditional schools yet living contemporary and rushed lives without a real sense of what to make of their emotions, feelings, and behaviors related to the leaning and relational process amongst themselves and their peers. People who have been in the field of education have suspected for decades that IQ is no true indicator of future success. Funderstanding is also an ebook publishing partner company, focused on education-related content, which provides complete epublishing services as well as an expertise in ebook marketing and author branding. Like so many other parts of wedding planning, coming up with your wedding invitation wording is all about figuring out what the rules are… and then figuring out how you want to strategically break them. In reality, wedding invitation wording is a place where you might want to get creative… but not TOO creative. Because of that, the conventional structure of wedding invitation wording samples can be a helpful starting point. The InformatioN: This is the one line where I strongly advise you to stick to the basics, since you want people to actually come to this thing. For more specifics, we asked invitation expert (and no-nonsense none too traditional lady) Kimi Wert of Printable Press to provide some wedding invitation wording samples that vary from classic to whimsical.
The hardest part of making a billion wedding planning decisions is the near constant worry that every decision should be the best decision you could possibly make. Does it fit your values? I put my husband’s name first on our invitation because of that bride-centricity we are all so used to in wedding planning. Also, we did both of our last names, mostly because it seemed most natural, but also because we both have fairly common first names (me especially) and were using Glo evites.
We were so totally egalitarian on everything wedding wise, but my name went first and that was just that. My name was listed first entirely because it looked better in terms of typography and design (I work in publishing and think about typefaces A LOT). Since I think this is a similar department, I did do all the wording on our wedding website. We put the basic info (date, location) below that, and then decided to print more on the back.
I have our wording drafted, though our invitations won’t be ordered until later this week or next.
This is probably culturally and geographically varied, but my experience is that host lines don’t do that.
Should we (a) use the back of the invite (might cost more to print) or (b) insert a self-printed little slip of paper with the envelope or (c) try to squeeze it in on the front of the invite? Our invitation was a single card (we sent electronically to 90% of people so cost wasn’t an issue, but it was all there). I just used Vistaprint business cards for the RSVP enclosure telling people not only the website…but by when!
A note about putting it on the back of the invitation: We did that, and some people missed it completely. I think the most frustrating part of our wedding planning process was invitation wording (it was one of the few times I cried).
Another frustrating part was that neither of our fathers go by their legal names and my MIL prefers the short form of her name over her full first name.


People liked our invitations because they were different and I didn’t hear any negative comments. But not until a few years ago did someone actually point out that loving a child means wanting what's best for them long-term.
I think about the kind of adults I hope my children will be and work backward to ask, "What can I do today to foster that?" Being mindful of their future has changed my parenting paradigm, because what makes my children happy at age 10 or 15 is somewhat different from what will make them happy at age 25, 30, 40 and beyond. We don't want our children to fall, so instead of letting them experience adversity, we clear the path.
So when we treat them like the center of the universe, we create a false idol, turning a good into an ultimate.
One thing I often hear from professionals who work with children (counselors, teachers, etc.) is that parents today don't want to hear anything negative about their kids. She said that's why she enjoys child and adolescent psychiatry -- because kids are resilient, and it's a lot easier to intervene effectively when they're young instead of years later, when the problem has gone on so long it's become incorporated into part of their identity. When I asked a priest to name the biggest mistake he sees in parenting, he thought for a moment and then said, "Parents not being parents.
But when we instill a "win at all costs" attitude, permitting them to throw anyone under the bus to get ahead, we lose sight of character. There won't be Barbies in my bathtub, baby dolls on my bed or Mary Poppins in the DVD player. At times it's so physically and emotionally exhausting we wish they were older to make our life easier. When we rush children through it, we rob them of an innocent age they'll never pass through again.
Sometimes when my kids ask a question, they'll say, "Please answer in one sentence." They know me well, for I'm always trying to squeeze life lessons into teachable moments. No matter how much we disagree with someone's parenting style, it's not our place to judge. And while we can't control judgmental thoughts, we can cut them short by seeking to understand the person instead of jumping to conclusions. In other words, we need to place as much importance on teaching our children the essential skills of Emotional Intelligence as we do on more traditional measures like IQ and GPA.
According to a report from the National Center for Clinical Infant Programs, the most critical element for a student’s success in school is an understanding of how to learn.
The idea of Emotional Intelligence has inspired research and curriculum development throughout these facilities.
Many parents and educators, alarmed by increasing levels of conflict in young schoolchildren–from low self-esteem to early drug and alcohol use to depression, are rushing to teach students the skills necessary for Emotional Intelligence. The company focuses on innovative and progressive approaches to inspire learning in classrooms as well as homes. No matter what beautiful form they come in (old fashioned post, email, on a balloon, sent by a flock of pigeons, unrolled as a poster) they still need to convey some basic information.
Here is a general outline of how the wedding invitation often breaks down, with specific examples to follow. Time, date, and location should all be listed (though the address does not have to be, assuming it’s otherwise easy to find). This is both your time to get celebratory, and your time to give guests a solid idea of what to expect. It wasn’t even that stark for us, but I wanted to give him a little nudge of visibility to everyone. I got to be honest, I think I will just put my name first on everything because I am doing most of the work. I did do most of the work, but the stress was absolutely because I knew I would get 100% of the shade thrown, even when it was for calls he made, or from his family. At first it was tough and then I got in the groove and borrowed from phrases from some of my favorite Etsy invites and RSVPs.
The challenge was limiting the number of lines when I need to include RSVP information, too.
It may undermine your visions of scripty goodness; but it can make entering the address into a GPS much easier. Does the hosting line, if used to indicate one family is the host, kind of throw shade on the other?
In that case the bride’s parents were hosting the wedding and the groom had no contact with his family so it made sense. It wasn’t seen as throwing shade, because in their social scene, traditional weddings were the norm. Our guests were able to either just request to be let into the web-site when they opened it (which automatically sent me an e-mail to confirm they were allowed to get in). We did do an e-save the date, so it wouldn’t be so hard to send them an email with a link to the website! If you have the email addresses saved with their contact information in the guest list, you can actually just blast a direct email invite through the site to everyone on the list, and then they don’t need the code if they click the direct link in the email! I am very happy that APW provided an option for deceased parents since I had a hard time trying to figure out how to word our invitations, as excluding my mother was not something I wanted to do.
I’m paying for half, her parents are paying for half, and my parents are hosting the reception, so it really does feel like our parents are helping host.


Got a little squishy with the formal Catholic wording, but got all the necessary info on there. I think we ruffled a few feathers with some of the nontraditional bits (but it certainly warned people of what was to come for wedding day.
While I find it great that today's parents are more invested in their children's lives than previous generations, our involvement can go overboard. When concerns are raised, even concerns voiced out of love, the knee-jerk reaction is often to attack the messenger. All it takes to stir this monster in us is another parent giving his or her child a leg up at our child's expense. My windows will be clear of sticky handprints, and my home will be quiet because my daughters will be hanging out with friends instead of nesting at home with me. We need to let them have fun and grow at their own pace so 1) they can explore their interests without fear of failure and 2) they don't get burned out. Our job is to figure out their inherent, God-ordained bent and train them in that direction. Nobody in this world is "all good" or "all bad"; we're all a mix of both, a community of sinners struggling with different demons. When my life is overwhelming, I'm forgiving of others who slip up and let things fall through the cracks. We know that what will matter at 25, 30 and 40 is not how far they once threw the football, or whether they made cheerleader, but how they treat others and what they think of themselves. There are a million ways to love a child, but in our quest to make them happy, let us stay mindful that sometimes it takes short-term pain to earn long-term gain. Emotional Intelligence has proven a better predictor of future success than traditional methods like the GPA, IQ, and standardized test scores.
Researchers have concluded that people who manage their own feelings well and deal effectively with others are more likely to live content lives. And in corporations, the inclusion of Emotional Intelligence in training programs has helped employees cooperate better and motivate more, thereby increasing productivity and profits. And while there’s no magic formula to make everyone approve of your wedding, there are lots of ways to shop your values in wedding planning. I wanted it to come off playful and casual, like us and the reader are family already, but at the same time not offend my grandpa. We put more details about the ceremony and reception, along with our wedding website and instructions to RSVP there. You can spend 500 hours perfecting your invitation wording, and basically nobody will RSVP.
I am probably going to skip this all together for something more general, but this thought occurred to me. We want people to RSVP via our wedding website, which also has a 5-digit code that you need to get in. But adversity is a part of life, and only by facing it can our children build life-coping skills they'll need down the road. Our children will still be loved, only in a better way, one that promotes selflessness over selfishness.
We fear that if we don't jump into the craziness, and pull out every stop to help them excel early, they'll be stuck in mediocrity the rest of their life. If we want them to build character, confidence, strength and resilience, we need to let them face adversity and experience the pride that follows when they come out stronger on the other side.
Plus, happy people are more apt to retain information and do so more effectively than dissatisfied people.
Hosting the wedding is, in the end, a (mostly meaningless) honor that you get to choose how to pass out. And secondly, this particular honor is generally only used for the living (since these people are, ostensibly, inviting you to a party). I did put my name first on our return address labels because I wanted people to notice that I didn’t change my last name.
In the end, they both decided to change their names to the short forms of the names they go by.
Once I’d gotten as far as thinking about wording, that hosting line would have driven me insane. Or you just don’t want to do it that way?) Will you list both last names, or one last name, or no last names? As parents we hope so, for knowing which strengths to nurture enables us to point them in the right direction. How you share that information can express everything from your values, to the kind of wedding you’re going to have, to your artistic taste.
But an invitation still is, in its most basic form, a simple means of passing along information.



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