Jasmine’s blog “Zooming Japan” has been a great inspiration to me, so I’d like to share some of the best stories with you guys! Their conversation turned into something completely different: a strategic meeting to work out how to meet that guy.
When I asked her if there was any cultural miscommunication in their relationship, Kala said her husband doesn’t always express his thoughts verbally. It’s not uncommon for Japanese men to not express themselves verbally in order to avoid conflict. Being familiar with Japanese culture, Lily knew exactly what this was: kokuhaku, or the confession of love. After a while, they decided to have a holiday in the States because he was living and working there. While I don’t attribute this tendency entirely to the culture, this is one of the recurring themes of dating in Japan. He spoke some English because he had learnt it from his American friends who were in the forces. I have the impression that he might be someone who has trouble fitting in with Japanese society.
Apart from the wedding incident, Lynette doesn’t feel that there’s a huge cultural barrier. I have chosen these stories because I think they illustrate some interesting aspects of Japanese culture.
A lot of western women comment that Japanese guys don’t express their emotions, especially negative emotions that could possibly lead to a conflict. There are many non-verbal signs of discontent: tone of voice, passive-aggressive behaviour, silence, hesitation, incomplete sentences, sudden disengagement, unenthusiastic affirmation, etc. Nonetheless, I don’t think understanding Japanese men is that difficult once you are used to reading their language.If you are in doubt, I think it helps to verbalize his emotion.
The trick is that you are not forcing him to express himself, but you are giving him a chance to chime in if he has something to say.
In the examples of Kala, Lily and Michelle, the women were the ones who took the initiative in the beginning. I think that is part of the reason that neither Lily nor Michelle think that dating in Japan is difficult. I’ve met many women who don’t like making the first move, and if they like men who are more forward, I can understand that. Lynette was upset when her Korean-Japanese boyfriend didn’t invite her to his friend’s wedding.
On average, kokuhaku seems to happen on the third date, although this hugely depends on the person. I always find these kinds of articles interesting because I have dated a few Japanese boys, and each one has been a very different experience.
I also think it’s important that foreign girls who want to date Japanese men please forget about this myth it will be difficult for you. I can see that the way average Japanese men treat you might be different from the way the average American men treat you.
If I can give you one tip, try to be ultra-specific when you tell him about how you want him to treat you. I have the impression that the more gender equal the country is, the more comfortable women are with approaching men. And… Sorry if this is silly question, how can I meet a Japanese guy when my area don’t have anyone yet? As far as I know there are a lot of couples where the man is Japanese and the woman is Asian.
She has travelled to all 47 Japanese prefectures and over 100 Japanese castles, experienced natural disasters, cultural oddities and work life in Japan. In this blog Jasmine offers a close-up view of all the good and bad that comes with living and traveling in Japan.
Finding love in the modern age is a tricky business for us ladies; there’s attractive profiles to create, emoticons to choose and the general deciphering of Tinder captions – ‘I feel how pizza tastes’… anyone? In the name of research, GaijinPot got together three different women (UK, USA and Italy) to share their experiences of dating in Japan. Chiara: I thought that they didn’t find me attractive so I wasn’t really interested in Japanese guys, even though I was attracted to them. Rebecca: I wasn’t so attracted to Japanese men but now after living here for three years I would say I definitely am. Christa: I’ve always been attracted to Japanese men, even when I was young, so I did some research before I came here and I saw that generally they are interested but they’re very shy about approaching women so you may need to approach them. Christa: I was with a girlfriend in Shibuya and two men approached us on the street and we went out for drinks. Chiara: I heard too that Japanese men weren’t so interested in foreign women but my experience is kind of the opposite. Christa: I actually approached someone on the train recently and he was totally ok with it but yeah it was kind of up to me to make a move. So when guys are shy and girls aren’t supposed to make the first move how do people meet in Japan? Rebecca: Yeah I don’t know any of my Japanese girlfriends who would directly approach a guy.
Chiara: I know some married couples and the first meeting is usually through friends or at university. Rebecca: I think quite a common thing among foreign girls who are in relationships with Japanese guys is that generally the guy has lived abroad or has some sort of not-typical Japanese perspective that makes him attracted to foreign girls. Is it hard to find something in common or to talk about when you first date a Japanese guy? Christa: Yeah I went on this one date and the guy spent most of the time on his phone and it was really awkward.
Rebecca: I think because of the language and cultural barrier often conversations can be quite superficial – this or that recommendation of what to do in Japan, or do you like this Japanese food etc. Christa: I feel like I have the same conversation over and over again because my language skills aren’t good enough. Christa: I think that dating isn’t so common among men and women in their late twenties and early thirties.
Chiara: Hmmm there’s a lot of pressure for both sides to get married and establish at least the appearance of a stable family unit as soon as possible. Rebecca: My experience dating foreign guys here has been comparable to back home – so pretty awful actually – but the general picture of foreign guys in Japan is that they really want to date Japanese girls. Chiara: I have to say compared to back home in Italy, Japanese men help around the house and I was quite surprised by that. Rebecca: Dating in Japan is just as messy and confusing as it is back home but I’ve been lucky enough to find someone really special here and I think that’s the way it works wherever you are. Chiara: I’m really happy with how my boyfriend and I are learning to collaborate together to make a great relationship so I think if both sides are willing to make it work then it will. A huge thank you goes out to all of the girls who took part in the dating in Japan discussion! Not to burst the bubble but Japanese men and women are deffinately more interested in dating white people than any other race. I’d also say that they are interested in dating White, Black and Hispanic people equally. You seem to have assumed that West Asians looked like East Asians which are both quite different.
My husband is Tokyo born and raised and we’ve been married 50 years but I still remember dating.
I’m a 30 year old woman who has been living in Japan for over a year and my dating situation is pretty depressing. I am from Africa and Ghana in particular, I just moved here in japan for 4 months now, and it may be hard to believe but yes I already have a Japanese boyfriend, we meet through internet and decided to go on dates, in the beginning he was shy but i always try to bring on a topic for us to talk, he has never ask me about my background or anything about me it’s only through charting, on our forth date we finally got to hold hands, then he kissed me on our firth date when he sang in a karaoke confession his love for me.
One of the most common applications of gamification a€” the process of applying game mechanics to a non-game context a€” is personal fitness. Just take a look at the influx of fitness-centered smartphone apps or the popularity of websites like social network and online game Fitocracy, which motivates users to improve their fitness with stats tracking and digital rewards, and ita€™s clear that more and more people are switching from personal trainers to digital devices. Japanese smartphone app developer Creative Freaks realizes that different people are motivated by different incentives, and now theya€™ve decided to target the health-conscious otaku market with their latest app, a€?Burn Your Fat With Me,a€? a game that turns personal fitness into a Japanese dating simulation game.
The app, titled a€?Nenshoua€? in Japanese, was originally released for the iPhone last December, followed by an Android version on April 15. Mayu then becomes your personal trainer and puts you on a daily routine of crunches, during which she appears on the screen in her gym clothes and holds down your legs as she counts your repetitions and cheers you on with fully-voiced words of encouragement.
Repetitions are registered by resting your smartphone on your legs and touching the screen every time you bring your upper body forward.

Stick to your training every day and your charactera€™s attractiveness will increase, unlocking new, fully-voiced story events that bring you closer with Mayu.
The Creative Freaks official blog hints at two other love interests who will become available as trainers in future iterations of the application. Following her will be Marika Kugawa, a timid blonde airhead who belongs to the gymnastics club, though it is currently unclear what her app will be. The iPhone version of the application currently holds a high rating of 4.5 starts from 23 reviews. Whatever the incentive, ita€™s hard to criticize something that motivates people to improve their health. Creative Freaks has not mentioned any plans to localize the app, though there is a translated version of the site written in Engrish of the highest caliber that warrants a look. I could see this in other countries - think smokin' hot college coeds (or for fairness' sake, the ultra-toned captain of local college gymnastics team - you're welcome, ladies) helping you "get fit" and wearing ever more revealing brand name school gear. Whatever the incentive, it’s hard to criticize something that motivates people to improve their health. The way Japanese women view dating, love, marriage, and romantic relationships is completely different than that of Western cultures. It will directly influence whether or not your relationship will grow more loving or abruptly end with heart-ache and confusion. The Understanding Japanese Women E-Book isn't some silly book on how to date any Asian woman (let's be honest, all Asian cultures ARE NOT the same.) And it certainly ISN'T some ridiculous "3-step system" or otherwise designed to get any Japanese woman to sleep with you. It's a one-of-a-kind e-book that takes a serious look at the differences between the relationship culture of Japan and the West. These relationships will be long-lasting because they will be built upon a solid understanding of what Japanese women naturally desire deep in their hearts. This hard-to-find information comes from my 20+ years of experience (all right here in Japan) as an inter-racial relationship counselor, translator, and international consultant for companies both in Japan and overseas, including Japanese governmental agencies. In addition, countless interviews with Western men, Japanese women and Japanese men, and the advice generously given by my Japanese wife of over 16 years have GUARANTEED its accuracy. I'm thinking this e-book should be REQUIRED READING for all male JETs before they head over to Japan. There were sooooo many things I couldn't get (about my Japanese girlfriend), and after reading your book it was like turning a light on a very dark and gloomy room. When I downloaded your book, I was simply frustrated and was about to break up with this wonderful woman.
The information provided within those pages saved this relationship and the effect was almost immediate!
Once we eliminated these barriers, the real work of having a serious relationship began, and our future unfolded before us. I first thought I would share this eBook with the American guy I am seeing, but there were things in this eBook that I would rather keep a secret from him -- YOU REVEALED TOO MUCH. When she suggests something, he often says ‘sss’ to show his discontent without talking about it.
Even though the initial excitement of dating seems to have faded away, they manage to keep the fire alive.
But here’s something to consider: even when people look like they don’t care about anything, there are often a few things they truly care about.
When I asked her about the secret of attracting Japanese men, she said, ‘You just go for it.
When a Japanese man confesses his love, it usually means that he is asking you to be his girlfriend.
Every morning, she had to send him a ‘good morning’ message, and a ‘good night’ message before going to bed.
According to him, he was angry because she hadn’t texted him after she had gone back to the hotel the previous night. It was Tatsuya’s American friend who talked to her first, and then he introduced her to Tatsuya. Michelle was a bit sad because he seemed interested only in American culture and didn’t care much about Finland. I would extrapolate that his intense interest in the US came from his desire to escape from reality.
The problem is that when the implicit messages are not understood, men can be more non-verbally aggressive, which can cause more misunderstandings.
I have the impression that many Asian men believe that white women are not interested in them. What she didn’t know was that not bringing your date to a wedding is completely normal in Japan. Also, as they get older, people seem to do less kokuhaku, but there are always people who appreciate the practice.
All you have to do is say, ‘I like you; would you be my boyfriend (or girlfriend)?’ If the other person says yes, you are officially a couple. My current boyfriend and I have been together for over a year, and my experience with him isn’t at all like others before. I know many mixed couples of foreign women and Japanese men, it is really about being open minded.
Several people told me that sharing information with friends who are in similar situations helped a lot. I’m always looking for advice on dating Japanese men, and I love how you included a variety of women and many different situations in this article.
I think that the wedding situation has more to do with the general cultural attitude towards couples.
I actually heard about your book, and I think I’m going to buy it before my trip to Japan next month. And if you’ve ever been to a drug store in Japan you might have noticed the huge variety of awesome Japanese skin care products and make-up items that are available. She loves exploring things off the beaten path, so you'll find a lot of great travel inspiration here. Throw in some culture shock, the language barrier and a completely different set of rules and you have something like dating in Japan. But you don’t know if they’re interested in you as a person or because of your foreignness.
I invited this guy to my house and I think it was pretty clear what I wanted to happen, and at a certain point I started to kiss him and he said ‘No.
She was on a date with a guy and it was going well so at some point she went to kiss him, and he just didn’t move his mouth. I feel that Japanese men scare quite easily and as a foreigner you won’t know exactly what it was that freaked them out.
Even my boyfriend who is pretty confident had to wait for a friend of mine to set-up a dinner where we could meet before he could work up the courage to ask me out.
It seems that Japanese couples move quickly into relationships, and very early on they’ll talk about marriage and kids. Back home I’m at prime dating age but I wonder about the guys I date here and why they’re not married yet. I mean I think that people will go on lots and lots of dates, going in and out of relationships over their twenties and kind of assessing what they want before they settle down.
Not to say that’s true for every foreign guy here but you do see a lot more couples made up of Japanese girls and non-Japanese guys around.
With Japanese guys you don’t know how much of their behavior is cultural or is actually their personality. I don’t know if it’s true or not but I have heard that there are some Japanese girls who look to specifically date foreign guys because they’re seen as cool or ‘ikemen’.
On the way here I saw a couple on a train and the guy was just on his phone, he didn’t even look at his girlfriend once. They’re also very attentive day to day so I would say that men aren’t as chauvinistic as cultural stereotypes make them out to be. I think it’s a really wonderful chance to learn and grow when you have these cultural differences to share. That aside, I know tons of Philippina girls here who are married to or are currently dating Japanese men.
Despite being relatively fluent in Japanese, the chances of landing a date with Japanese people is low if you don’t live in the big cities.
Being a girl, I have a lot of Japanese friends but having male friends is much more difficult. They are not the same thing and you shouldn’t go about trying to get those 2 things in the same way. Japanese guys don’t seem interested in foreign women, and 95% of the foreign guys living here are either already in a long-term relationship or only interested in dating Japanese women.

I role my eyes at online blogs saying that how easy it is for white males to meet the female natives here.
I think that, because both of us are mature (age wise, anyway!) we were open and honest about our attraction to each other, and we have the patience for each others’ cultures and personal quirks. Huuum for the past months I have really grown to love this guy, now it’s awkward for me to ask him about his family or anything concerning him.
You happen to be placed in the same class as your childhood friend Mayu Uehara, and after exchanging pleasentreis, she tells you she is worried that youa€™ve put on too much weight since she last saw you and suggests you go on a diet.
Currently in development is a running applications featuring Yuki Hashio, a strong-minded track-and-field athlete who is one year your senior. One user writes: a€?I couldna€™t do any more than around 30 crunches before, but after starting this app I was in the triple digits before I knew it.
But, while ita€™s easy to see how an app like this could work in Japan, the land of moe, we wonder what it would do for people in countries without an established culture of high school dating simulators. But, while it’s easy to see how an app like this could work in Japan, the land of moe, we wonder what it would do for people in countries without an established culture of high school dating simulators. Their petit and slender figures, their slightly tan skin, and those mysterious eyes all make them extremely hard to resist.
This ingrained image will be the dominant force controlling their behavior all throughout any relationships they enter into -- especially ones with men from the West. From cover to cover its pages are packed with not only the hidden cultural secrets of Japanese relationships, but also filled with the best dating advice you'll ever need to win the heart of that special Japanese woman. It offers "no-holds-barred" advice to creating successful interracial relationships with Japanese women.
A happy, loving, strong and secure relationship that only gets better and better over time? I've spent years helping Western men just like you find love and build the right kind of relationship with that special Japanese woman. It is only the first read though and I am sure I am going to read it over and over to really take it all in. Now she proudly announces that we are back as a couple, and wants us to be that way for the rest of her life.
I have used other E-books in the past but they either were overly too simplistic or were way off base and unrealistic. One day, she was practising speaking Japanese with her study group when she saw a guy with an awesome hairstyle. He had been a host and had a lot of money, but he treated her as if she were his possession.
They would usually see whatever Sabina wanted to see, but that time she had chosen an action film that he liked. I am not a big fan of expressing negative emotions either, although I try to be open about them when it’s necessary. This is sad, but when women show their interest, it can overcome Asian men’s fear of rejection. In fact, not introducing your partner to your friends and family is also common when you are not engaged. If you think your Japanese boyfriend is not acting the way you think a boyfriend is supposed to act, I suggest you ask him about it. He has never been to America, but he has an independent attitude and is open about his opinions. He was kind , helpful, very dedicated to helping family, hard working, his parents have stayed together.
So, now you wonder how would anyone who managed to come and live here want to ever leave again?
I’ve noticed that if I show a little too much enthusiasm or come across as too independent, that will trigger silence. And at the same time it’s hard to know, like we were saying earlier, if the guy is interested in you mostly because you’re foreign and the kind of status that that brings with it. I see that often, these really attractive couples who don’t have much in common and they maybe go on to get married and have a family because of the social pressure. As a person from a west Asian country, they really don’t even go beyond aquaintance stage.
So, they are not at all acclimatized with things beyond their daily experience and I can’t blame them. Also, if you are a male foreigner, you stand a better change of landing a significant other.
Don’t take my questions as rude, because that’s not my intention, but are you putting yourself in situations that increase your chances of meeting someone? They seem to have tunnel vision and have zero interest in getting to know the foreign women in their area. Most people have no idea how life really is in Japan and how secluded and isolated the people have become. When you’re young and inexperienced, everything is magnified and more dramatic and sometimes scary. There was another Japanese guy who had approached her in a club, and she had been thinking about him a lot.
But after they said goodbye and he messaged her saying he wanted to see her again so there’s obviously some kind of cultural dislocate there.
That is unless you’re interested in hanging out in gaijin bars and talking to the same 20 or so English speaking girls that hang out there every month. Despite Philipines being in South East Asia, they look completely different from Indians or Pakistani people and this region is abundant with diversity.
When she broke up with the host guy, she called the new guy and started going out with him. That was when she learnt about zainich Korean, who have permanent legal status in Japan while maintaining their Korean identity. Of course, you don’t have to do everything the Japanese way, but understanding the Japanese way helps.
I even noticed loving looks on his face full of respect and pride like you mentioned in your article.
30,000yen (or 50,000 if you’re a couple) is not an amount I want to have to shell out too many times in a year. The only reason if a Japanese guy asked me or a few of my friends to even hang out was only because he wanted to learn English. Guys in smaller cities aren’t accustomed to interacting with foreigners so are more likely to be scared of us and avoid us completely. Honestly, most Japanese girls enjoy living with their families and don’t have a strong desire to move out and even do things for themselves like cook. So I dated a lot of foreign guys, but my relationships didn’t work out for various reasons. At first, I thought it would be boring to have a Japanese boyfriend because they have this poker face on them. Most of my foreign female friends are in the same boat, the few who do have Japanese boyfriends are fluent in Japanese which seems to make a big difference.
And I really thought it would be tiring to date a Japanese guy because I have to constantly guessing what is he thinking about. You’re competing with every other asian girl living in the country and so the conversation aspect becomes far more important. Unspoken language is just as important, if not more so, than spoken language in theses situations. It’s pretty sad when you come to Japan to have your dreams crushed once you are faced with the realization of how life and their people really are here.
But as soon as you get into more intimate relationship with Japanese boyfriend, you’ll understand their way of thinking and acting. I guess they’re not used to women taking the lead when it comes to kissing, holding hands, etc.
According to your article, you said that Japanese guy won’t introduce his girlfriend to family if they are not engage. Well,my boyfriend has introduced me to his family, so I suppose he’s about to propose me, am I right?

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