Free Will—we all have it.  It’s our capacity to choose a course of action from various options.  But do we take responsibility for our actions?  Are we “moral agents?”  How does this relate to making your relationship healthy? Being a moral agent means we have the choice to do what is good or right or do what is bad or wrong, etc. For example, a common phrase you hear people say is, “I have a short temper.” The funny thing about this phrase is that it literally doesn’t make sense. This became essential to me in my relationship when I realized I was constantly using the excuse, “I’m really sensitive.” Though it’s true that I don’t respond to criticism well, it is something that I can have control over. In short, I blamed him for not remembering that I was sensitive and he was supposed to adjust his actions accordingly.

We are each responsible for our choices whether it be to love someone, to get angry, to be offended, or to be understanding. Instead, we need to understand that we have control of our emotions and our actions and our choices. Previously every time my husband and I would get into an argument, I would immediately get offended, blame my husband for hurting me, and tell myself it was his entire fault. Even though my husband probably could be nicer, a lot of times after I calmed down and we would discuss things rationally, I would realize that he was trying to be nice but I blew it out of proportion. Instead of putting the responsibility on yourself to control your temper, you tell others that you “have a short temper” and put the responsibility on them to not make you angry.

I chose to be offended by his words, got defensive, and didn’t listen to his side of the story.
How could I do better?” Of course, it’s probably a good idea to let our partners know that we have some weaknesses, but not so they can beware, but instead to let them know that we are aware and trying to do better.

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