Arras is a WordPress theme designed for news or review sites with lots of customisable features. I WAS SO EXCITED (this is me yelling again) FOR SPEED DATING, and then, like all of sudden, I was kind of nervous about it as the actual speed dating day came.
My buddy Vic also wanted to try out speed dating, and there’s safety in numbers so we both show up 30 minutes early to BJ’s Brewery in Mission Valley.
And I don’t even know what the word vomit I’m going to write yet, so this apology might be all for not. I wondered the outside patio looking like a lost puppy, as I read the name tags with note cards placed on each chair until I finally found my name tag, and sat down.
I don’t play video games, not really, I might play 30 minutes of Call of Duty a week, since I have to multitask at every moment because I have ADD,  it’s usually when I’m cooking something and have to “do something” while things are cooking. Conversation continues despite me feeling like her un-cool dad that doesn’t play video games.
Yes this is a 40 Year Old Virgin movie reference, and yes I think this is an accurate description. Her body posture said “I HATE BEING HERE AND TALKING TO YOU”, and the physical words out of her mouth said “I HATE BEING HERE AND TALKING YOU”.  I don’t understand what this person was doing here, like at all.
And then there’s the blogger that stands on a mountain and lets everyone know they’re a blogger within the first 15 seconds of speaking to them. I have no idea what they thought of me, but I selected them as I would like to match with them, since they were “the prettiest ones there” just out of curiosity, but they didn’t match with me. After reading what I just wrote about these two girls, I’ve come to the conclusion I either hate other bloggers, or that I hate “That girl that has the I’m so pretty complex”. There were actually 6 more people I met during the speed dating hour, but this blog is getting long and I think you get the point. There was not a single person I met that I thought to myself “Wow, I hope she matches with me!”. When it was all said and done I “selected” 5 people to match with and 4 people matched with me.
And what is probably common in these speed dating experiences, I probably won’t be following up with the  people I matched with, as they probably won’t be following up with me. I haven’t tried speed dating yet, it seems like something interesting and maybe Hilarious? You get to meet 10 to 15 new females, on these 5-7 minute mini dates, and at the end you pick which ones you want to be your soul mate? Your initially seating is your “first date”, and there was already somebody sitting across from me. Anyways, it’s fucking trap when she ask because I assume she’s asking in the “OMG, are you like one of those grown ass men that just sits around and plays video games all day”. We had great banter, decent conversation, but in the end I don’t want to be with anyone that makes me feel like I’m the delicate flower in the relationship. She was dressed like she was going on Millionaire Maker, which is fine, but do you think Millionaire Match maker guys are coming to speed dating at BJ’s Brewery in Mission Valley? It was like a word association, except it wasn’t with another word, it was based on how they were dressed and how they presented themselves.
All of them could have been a character in a movie that had a hilarious speed dating scene. I mean the romantic in me, loves the idea of potentially meeting my forever person, in this fun, unique, we have a great origin story, kind of way.


And not nervous because I’m nervous about talking to another human being face to face, but nervous because what if it sucks. As we walked in, we saw the patio outside where they were setting up for what looked like the battle arena of where the speed dating was going to be taking place.
And this is where it begins, as the next part of the blog is going to be a breakdown of the different types of people I would meet over the next hour, or at least the ones I remember, and the memorable conversations we had. She starts talking about her upcoming calculus final, which then leads the conversation down the path of derivatives and integrals.
She told me that she has been on a navy ship for almost 10 years, and she was a little out of the loop. It turns out there were more girls that guys that signed up for speed dating, so a few girls had to date in pairs. To be fair, I’ve never actually seen the movie, but I imagine had I actually watched it, I would still totally agree with my first initial impression.
I mean, maybe not literally, but they both had on bright colors, short skirts and other “blingy” accessories, I just remember thinking, that’s a little bit much for this event, no?
Well let me clarify, there are bloggers that blog kind of quietly and anonymously, and don’t really care if people know they have a blog or not. It was great for the first hour talking to people but after that it got pretty repetitive and we became bored.
I say some clever opening line, she laughs and for the next 6 minutes and 56 seconds we proceed to have the best conversation anyone on planet Earth has ever had.
We walked to the bar, ordered a drink and proceeded to speculate about every girl and guy that then walked into the bar, sizing them up as either competition or potential speed date partners. I know, I know, some of you clowns are going to be like “My parents are 10 years apart, blah blah blah, counter example, blah blah blah”. It was probably at the moment when we were discussing solving integrals of spherical volumes that I knew this wasn’t going to be my person. I asked her in what areas of San Diego she likes to go out in, she replied with “I don’t really go out in San Diego, I’m more of an L.A.
Since most girls came in pairs, this wasn’t too weird for them to be paired up with the friend they came with.
I will tweet,facebook and snapchat pictures of my junk until my face is blue promoting this blog. I don’t know anyone that’s actually done speed dating, so all of my knowledge about speed dating comes from super cliche movies, likes 40 Year Old Virgin and Hitch. And at the end of the 7 minutes, we take one last lingering look deep into each other eyes, and we just know. What if I’m not as funny, charming, modest, smart, strong, witty and modest as I think I am. Which was actually, a very interesting thought experiment, you know, watching every guy that walked in and making analyses, judgments and assumption about what that guy was all about and if he would be a competitive threat.
As we started talking , I got a closer look at the person sitting across from me and noticed, she looked “young”. But maybe she’s would like a math tutor or someone to play pokemon with, or whatever the fuck kids are into these days.
Like no joke, she brought it up to my attention, in case I didn’t know, that you can now “online date” on “computers”. I actually found it easier to talk to two girls, as I enjoy talking more to crowd rather than one on one.


We start chatting, and within the first 42 seconds of conversation they mentioned “Oh we’re bloggers”. I also mentioned I had a blog, I think they wrote it down?  They’re the kind of girls that know they’re pretty, and have been told they’re pretty their whole lives, and can act accordingly.
It shouldn’t be, “meh, she was okay and didn’t stab me in those 6 minutes, I guess I could take her out on a date”.
And if movies have taught me anything, it’s that they’re always true to real life, just like that time Will Smith and Jeff Goldblum fought a race of aliens and saved the earth on the 4th of July, yeah, just like that. It turns out, I have very high self esteem and can talk down almost every guy that walked into the bar.
Considering the weekend before I was at a dive that resides between a fast food Mexican restaurant and laundry mat called the Cherrybomb , I don’t think it was going to work out for me and Ms. I felt like she was Tom Hanks in Cast Away when he first comes back to society after being stuck on the island for all those years. The first thing I thought when I sat down in front of these two was “Romy and Michele’s High School Reunion”.
I know this is probably a gross generalization of them based on my 6 minute interaction, but I’m entitled to my first impression. But really, what if I am unable to have a decent conversation with these ladies for 7 minutes. Or like in Jumanji when Robin Williams comes back from being stuck inside the board game for 30 years.
But I’m willing to bet that 90 percent of the time people who get matches do not contact the other person.
Either way I felt pretty good about judging Hipster Harry, Muscles Mcgee and East County Flat Brimmed Barry.
So if you’re going to get offended and comment “How could you write those things about those people, you don’t even know them, you’re an asshole”, please stop reading now. Everyone I interacted with said it was their first time doing speed dating, and I’m sure they were doing it for the same reasons I was. And look, ask anyone that knows me in real life, I’m funny, like real world funny and a pretty good conversationalist and not shy, like at all. As it turns out, all the guys my friend and I assessed and judged in our 30 minutes predrink at the bar, weren’t even involved with speed dating. But you’re not going to, you’re going to continue to read on, and still think I’m an asshole.
I guess that might be the problem, I’m embarrassed this blog is about not having sex vs OMG everyone come read how fabulous my life is. Except after 11 drinks, my words get a little slurry, I don’t recommend talking to me after that many drinks, or even pretending to know me, but I digress.
Nervous that I would forget how to speak English and be forced to communicate with the person across the table from me with a series of awkward eye blinks.



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