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Dear God, please give us back Michael Jackson and in exchange we’ll give you Justin Bieber, Miley Cyrus and the Jonas Bros. Facebook should expand their relationship status field to include: One Night Stand, Friends With Benefits and Do it Yourself.
The only reason why 30 guys liked your picture is because they can see right down your shirt.


Because of Facebook I never miss an argument, know when there’s gonna be a fight and when people break up.
Twitter makes me like people I’ve never met and because of Facebook I hate people I know in real life. Who else wakes up in the morning and checks their Facebook like it’s the morning paper?
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Where liars tell more lies, enemies are Facebook friends, weak people turn into Facebook gangsters, haters complain about haters and every person who talks about money ain’t got none.
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