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20.06.2014
Vikki and her husband know a thing or two about nap frustrations – their daughter Lyla started out as a champion napper, but by the time Lyla was 10 months old, nap time had become a nightmare for the whole family. Fortunately, Vikki was able to change all that, thanks to a consultation with The Baby Sleep Site® Read on, and hear from Vikki herself about how her consultation completely changed her daughter’s naps! As Lyla got older and her objections to bedtime got worse and worse, her naps went to the dark side. My consultant Jen suggested we work on bedtime and overnights first, and then work on naps, as overnight sleep and nap sleep are controlled by different parts of the brain. Even though we were only about halfway through the nighttime part of the Personalized Sleep Plan™, I started working on naps. We still have sleep struggles, and I think we always will, as sleep is not high on Lyla’s list of priorities. Join over 300,000 parents around the world & sign up today to receive the guide and our Baby Sleep Newsletter absolutely FREE! Cry It Out, Ferberizing, Controlled Crying, or No Cry Sleep Training: What’s The Difference?
It’s important to remember that cry it out is NOT intended to be a replacement for parenting and caring for your baby. I should mention again that it is virtually impossible to sleep train without at least a little bit of fussing on your baby’s part. Cry It Out, Ferberizing, Controlled Crying, No Cry: Which Sleep Coaching Method Is Right For You? Gentle methods tend to take longer to produce meaningful results, so prepare to be patient if you opt for a gentle approach. Staying in the room at bedtime works great for some babies, but for others, having mom or dad nearby is actually more upsetting. Cry It Out, Controlled Crying, Ferberizing, No Cry Sleep Training….Let Us Help You Make Sense Of It All!
Once you make your choice and purchase, you will immediately receive an e-mail with your Helpdesk login information.
Our Members Area is packed with exclusive content and resources: e-Books, assessments, detailed case studies, expert advice, peer support, and more. For those persistent nighttime struggles, check out The 3 Step System to Help Your Baby Sleep. If you’re looking for ways to get your baby or toddler into a healthy sleeping routine during the day, I encourage you to explore Mastering Naps and Schedules, a comprehensive guide to napping routines, nap transitions, and all the other important “how-tos” of good baby sleep. For those persistent toddler sleep struggles, check out The 5 Step System to Help Your Toddler Sleep. A client e-mailed me not too long ago concerned about what a co-worker told her about her baby. This particular client has experience with two very different cultures, one being in the West and one in the East.
I obviously feel passionately that sleep is very important that it needs a whole website focused around it, complete with a support system to help you through it, but honestly, this might be one of the more absurd things I’ve heard in a long time. It makes more sense that there will be some non-sleep-trained babies that are spoiled and others who are not, just like there will be spoiled sleep trained babies and those who are not. One of the keys to navigating this crazy thing called parenting is to learn your baby’s temperament.
If you need help establishing healthy sleep habits in your baby or toddler, please be sure to pick up your FREE copy of 5 (tear-free) Ways to Help Your Child Sleep Through the Night, our e-Book with tear-free tips to help your baby sleep better. When clients update me on their sleep training progress, sometimes it is a little frustrating for them if their baby has a good night then a bad night and some back and forth. One of the biggest lessons I learned when I was struggling with my own son’s sleep problems is that when the books implied all of our problems would be gone by the third or fourth night, they lied. For some babies, sleep training is a linear progression where each day is better than the last much like the baby going up the stairs in the picture here.
Many babies, in my experience, don’t generally improve in this way during or after sleep training.
So, when you are sleep training your baby, please remember that they aren’t too different than you.
Babies aren’t always happy about changing habits much like the person with a heart problem who has to stop eating red meat.
As I mentioned in my recent post 7 Tips When Hiring a Sleep Consultant, part of my job is to help you stick with your sleep plan just like a personal trainer helps you stick with your exercise regimen.
Filed Under: Sleep Training Tagged With: babies cry it out, baby cry it out, baby cry to sleep, baby sleep trainer, baby sleep training, controlled crying, cry it out method, cry out method, crying it out method, ferber, infant cry it out, my baby wont sleep, no cry method, no cry sleep, no cry sleep method, no cry sleep solution, sleep through the night, Sleep Training, sleep training a baby, sleep training for baby, sleeping training babyCan You Mix Attachment Parenting With Sleep Training?
I would argue that my boys have still formed a healthy attachment to us, but I’m not here to debate the philosophies or theory of Attachment Parenting. But, what is a mom to do when she’s waking up 10 times a night with a breastfeeding, pacifier-demanding, or rocking-addicted baby? I received an e-mail one day from a woman named Rebecca and she wanted to know if she thought I could help her. I must have said something right to Rebecca because she bought an email package and another one once we were in full swing to keep our momentum going.
What transpired from that point on (we started our work together at the beginning of August) was nothing short of miraculous.
You don’t have to sacrifice your parenting philosophy in order to sleep train – there is a sleep training style to suite every parenting style!
Or, join our Members Area packed with exclusive content and resources: e-Books, assessments, detailed case studies, expert advice, peer support, and more. We receive emails on a regular basis from parents who tell us some version of the same story: they feel TERRIBLE because they have just read something on the internet (or heard something from a friend) that makes them feel terrible about their sleep coaching choices. So, how do you handle the judgmental tone of those around you unable to understand why you are sleep training your baby?
While the author of that article I mentioned earlier did explain later why she “flipped her lid”, the damage was done with the judgmental tone of her piece.
What is a mom or dad to do when your decision now could be speaking about your character even 15 years from now, according to other people?
First, recognize that just because another mom feels parents can be divided into one group or another, that does NOT mean you need to be a part of either of those groups.
While there are certain things babies need to grow into, such as sleeping through the night and being able to go 12 hours without eating, there are other things that we can generally agree are habits and behaviors that must be taught. What I’m trying to illustrate here is that sleep is kind of a cross between developmental behaviors and learned behaviors. Your maternity leave is a magical time – who wouldn’t want weeks of snuggly bliss with their adorable little newborn? For this reason, many moms are (understandably) focused on how they can help their babies start sleeping well before the transition back to work. Now, I should point out that it’s not advisable to do real sleep training with your newborn – most babies aren’t ready for that until around 4 months of age.
That said, you CAN gently and gradually teach your newborn healthy sleep habits during your maternity leave – habits that will form the foundation for sleeping through the night and long, regular, restorative naps once your baby is a bit older. If you want to work towards your baby falling asleep independently, try gradually fading out your child’s sleep associations. You don’t want to spend your entire maternity leave stressing over your newborn’s sleep, obviously – it’s so much better to simply enjoy your baby, and to savor those precious early weeks. Have questions or tips about how to improve your baby’s sleeping habits during maternity leave? Regardless of how you feel, however, about the book itself, there is a nugget of wisdom in its pages that can be useful for all parents, regardless of how you feel about cry it out sleep training. The particulars of this particular sleep and feeding schedule depend largely on unique factors. This schedule is a popular one for parents who are working on sleep training because you can scale it up or down, depending on your baby’s age. If you are unfortunate enough to consider letting baby cry it out (because let’s face it, none of us PLAN to let their baby cry it out when they are still in the womb or anything! Here at The Baby Sleep Site®, I understand that all situations are unique and what works for you might not work for others and what works for others might not work for YOU!
Cry it out is not replacement for feeding when baby can not comfortably sleep all night without food. Cry it out does not mean throwing your baby into a room, closing the door and ignoring baby forever and ever.
The act of crying does nothing to teach baby to sleep and it won’t change his personality. It is hard for many of us to break habits, but the longer you do it, the harder the habit is to break, right?
Having said all that, if your baby’s temperament is “easy”, sometimes all it takes is for you to just get out of the way a little bit and allow baby to fuss for 5 minutes or less. There are NUMEROUS variations to the cry it out method and it’s important to be responsible about it. Once you purchase, you will immediately receive access to the Helpdesk, and you can set up your account, fill out your Family Sleep History form, submit it to a consultant, and get started on the journey to better sleep! Below is a 10-point checklist designed to help you determine if you and your baby or toddler are ready for sleep training. I incorporated what my consultant outlined for an approach and actually utilized some of the overnight tactics for naps. Your sleep training solution needs to be fluid enough that you can augment it when necessary, and supported enough that when you do, you have help and feedback.
But when I think of how we went from a baby who couldn’t calm down enough to sleep day or night to a little lady who lies down and goes right to sleep most of the time, I get teary (read: I sob with joy). You’ll have the expert help and caring support you need to finally get your baby or toddler napping peacefully and consistently.
However, while a very small percentage of parents are okay with nonstop crying, the vast majority aren’t. True cry it out, also known as extinction, involves laying your baby down at bedtime and then letting him cry himself to sleep.
You shouldn’t leave your baby to cry it out in his crib if he has a wet or dirty diaper, if he is ill, is in pain, etc. You can keep the crying very minimal using gentle methods, but if your goal is zero crying, know that may not be achievable.
The choice about how to approach sleep training is a deeply personal one, and requires you to understand and account for your baby’s temperament as well as your own parenting style.


If you plan to stay in the room during sleep training, try it for a few nights, but be flexible: if your presence is more upsetting than soothing, it may be better to stay outside the door.
You can even buy a bundle package that includes the e-book AND a Personalized Sleep Plan™ PLUS a follow-up email to use for further support! Using the same unique approach and practical tools for success, this e-book helps you and your baby sleep through the night. With over 45 sample sleep schedules and planning worksheets, Mastering Naps and Schedules is a hands-on tool ideal for any parenting style. Using the same unique approach and practical tools for success, this e-book helps you and your toddler sleep through the night and enjoy a better daytime schedule.
Her co-worker told her that if she didn’t sleep train and let her baby cry it out, her baby would grow up to be spoiled.
In the West (where she lives now) she feels tremendous pressure to let her baby cry it out. Your 8-month old twins are not conspiring to keep you awake at night (as much as it might feel that way).
As much as my five year old says he doesn’t like to sleep, he still sleeps through the night every night (unless he has a nightmare). Children need limits in order to feel secure, but they also need confidence and to know they can go to their parents when they need them just the same. For those persistent nighttime struggles, check out The 3-Step System to Help Your Baby Sleep (babies) or The 5-Step System to Better Toddler Sleep (toddlers). I don’t think it was intentional, but they must lump a small minority of babies into a group who may be taught to sleep and then sleep well for the rest of their childhood (gross exaggeration there). Most of the time that might look like two really rough nights followed by an okay night, then the next night and most nights after those first three are decent.
Don’t expect too much more from them as you expect from yourself in terms of breaking or making habits.
If I can help you stick with it long enough, I believe many (not all) babies will make large strides in a relatively short amount of time.
I tuned in to what my children needed and responded appropriately, but we did work on self-soothing.
I did not stay home with the kids, though I worked from home, so I did breastfeed during the day, at least.
We practice positive discipline, but not completely and use time out, too, along with loss of privileges. Anything that promotes healthy and positive relationships is a great thing in my book and, as I always say, you need to find what works for your family. And, I take it very seriously when someone shares with me they practice AP in their communication with me, because I do know how passionate AP parents are. Sleep training does NOT have to mean controlled crying or cry it out or any other variation of it. I will say that she was so nervous about this process that she gave me permission to give up on them in her first e-mail.
I wasn’t looking for it, but I stumbled across it while searching for websites that addressed sleep issues.
Our consultants at The Baby Sleep Site® specialize in creating Personalized Sleep Plans™ that are customized to your own parenting philosophy, and that will NEVER make you feel guilty or pressured to give up your unique parenting style.
Here you can find much information about Baby Sleep Training manufacturers, suppliers and wholesalers.
The tone of the article implies that it’s cruel to help your baby learn to sleep in any way that involves any crying. No one would suggest that a child “outgrows” being rude at the dinner table or not using their manners. Development matters with sleep; we can’t expect a newborn to sleep through the night without feeding, right? Additionally, it’s key to remember that newborns simply are not capable of sleeping 8-10 hours straight at night, so you definitely don’t want to strive for that.
No newborn is ready for a rigid by-the-clock schedule, but you can build routines that will help shape your baby’s day (and better-prepare him for daycare once you go back to work).
For example, if you usually rock your baby all the way to sleep, try rocking her for 5 minutes less tonight; then, next week, make it 10. A ‘fixed point’ is simply an activity that happens at roughly the same time (give or take 30 minutes) each day. But putting forth even a little effort to help your baby establish healthy sleep habits can pay big dividends down the road, and can set your whole family up for great sleep. The length of the feeding, the length and type of play, the timing of the nap (and the length of the nap) all depend on your baby’s age and temperament. Your bedtime routine should be different (although you would still, ideally, end the bedtime routine with your child awake and falling asleep without the help of sleep associations). This is a schedule that can work for newborns on up through older babies, which makes it adaptable (something that we busy, modern parents love, right?). A sick child needs comfort and soothing, and when your child is ill, it’s perfectly fine to suspend your usual schedule in favor of soothing your child to sleep. If you are in the midst of a big life transition (like moving to a new house, or having a new baby, then you’ll need to cut your child some slack and be ready to offer more soothing and sleep help than usual. During a growth spurt (especially a newborn growth spurt), your child will feed for what feels like forever! While the eat play sleep schedule can be scaled to work for newborns, it’s usually not a great schedule to use in the first 4-6 weeks after birth. I am here to help you develop the plan that will be most likely to succeed based on your baby’s temperament and personality and your parenting style and philosophy. Sometimes it’s just about setting limits that you will not nurse all night or replace a pacifier 10 times per night or rock your baby in the rocking chair for 3 hours and then every 2 hours after that (like my son wanted me to do).
Many will agree that a 6 month old can learn to self-soothe, but does that mean it wouldn’t be better for YOUR family to wait until she’s more like 12 months?
There is a big difference between hearing your 16-week old or 6-month old fussing or crying versus hearing your 11-month old.
One thing that’s difficult about my job is setting appropriate expectations about how long sleep training will take.
Whether it’s one of our personalized sleep plans or you make on your own, have a plan. What you may need at this point is an expert to help you through the sleep training process. With our strategy guide, we can assist you with your sleep preparation, so you and your new baby one can sleep better. I knew I needed to make a change, and my consultant Jen worked with me to figure out how to implement it. Today, Lyla is fifteen months old, and I have a (still) chubby baby girl who has retuned to her previous title as the best napper in town. It wasn’t until she received her Personalized Sleep Plan™, and worked closely with Jen, her consultant, that Vikki finally saw meaningful results. Most of the parents with whom we work accept that there will be some fussing during sleep coaching (even the gentlest methods may produce a bit of fussing), but they want to minimize crying and offer their babies soothing and comfort during the sleep coaching process.
In other words, parents who use cry it out responsibly allow their babies to cry at the start of and during sleep, in order to learn how to fall asleep independently, but they also make sure their babies are well-cared for and nurtured. Keep in mind, when choosing a sleep training method, that the best method is one that works for your baby AND FOR YOU. One of the easiest and fastest ways to solve even the toughest baby sleep problems is to try a personalized consultation from The Baby Sleep Site®. In the East, in her experience, this is unheard of and co-sleeping until the age of three is the norm. Your toddler is not planning his night-wakings to correspond with that work deadline the next day.
Using a unique approach and practical tools for success, our e-books help you and your baby sleep through the night and nap better.
The baby may have an off night due to teething, illness, or sleep regression, but jump right back into the swing of things afterward.
You might start to go up, then come down, and then go through some twists and turns (especially during teething or after illness). My older brother even quit for a whole year and then one cigarette led to another and another. What drives us to break a habit is different for everyone and our ability to stick with it varies, too. None are better or worse, just different (believe me they all have their own challenging aspects!).
When you have a persistent and strong-willed son, these tactics just didn’t always work for us. I’m pretty sure that attachment parenting parents potty train (baby led mostly), so why can’t you sleep train? At the time, I had a 10-month old son who was sleeping in a sidecar arrangement (crib up against my bed with one side missing) and waking 4-6 times every night. Even better, once you have your Personalized Sleep Plan™, your consultant will walk you through each step of implementing it at home. That reminds me of those people who said cry-it-out would lead to Prozac, or that cry it out sleep training will change your baby’s personality irrevocably. Don’t let someone else lump you into an arbitrary group meant to divide rather than to unite. Your newborn will need to wake every few hours and feed in order to grow and thrive and be healthy. The Eat-Play-Sleep routine is a great one, as it allows opportunities for your baby to go into the crib awake for naps at least some of the time (although you shouldn’t strive for that all the time – it’s perfectly fine for you to nurse or rock or hold your baby to sleep most of the time in those first weeks after birth!). Eventually, you will be able to fade out the movement altogether, and just hold your baby until she falls asleep. Slowly introducing fixed points into your newborn’s day is a great way to lay the foundation for a more predictable, clock-based schedule down the road. The book On Becoming Babywise is one of those controversial volumes that some parents love and swear by but that other parents loathe. In addition, if you are vacationing, and your child is in a new and unfamiliar sleep environment, eat play sleep may not work as well as it does at home. In the midst of all these feedings, it may not be practical to do an eat play sleep schedule every time your child wakes to eat.


Those are all sleep associations that sometimes need to be broken (and not replaced with a new one). We have helped thousands of families around the world with their babies’ sleep challenges, and we can help you, too! The guide is available to download instantly, which means you can start using the techniques in it as early as tonight.
Below is a lovely infographic about 5 strategies assisting you with sleep training your baby. As I mentioned last time, it took about a week to see progress at bedtime, and a little longer on overnights, but things did start to get better.
But believe, my fellow sleepy mommies, that there is a solution to helping your baby sleep during naps. What’s nice about this one is that it gives your child plenty of space to practice self-soothing, but it also allows you to provide soothing and comfort, and to reassure your child. It has not been a perfect road, nor a short road, and sometimes I feel like we never quite ever get off the road, but when I think back to the baby I once had, I know just how far he’s come. For those looking for a more customized solution for your unique situation with support along the way, please consider one-on-one baby and toddler sleep consultations, where you will receive a Personalized Sleep Plan™ you can feel good about! I will say that a large minority will have great success (maybe not perfection) in 1-2 weeks. Part of the thrill of a roller coaster is not knowing what’s coming next, but when you are sleep training, this leads to frustration and the feeling that you might be doing something wrong.
My father-in-law had triple by-pass surgery, but still can’t seem to give up yummy-too-rich-for-heart-problem foods. Perhaps you aren’t as persistent as your friend or your daily stresses are too insurmountable. My daily responsibilities have completely overwhelmed my daily schedule that I can’t seem to fit in the time consistently. Well, yeah, you potty train a toddler, not a baby (unless you practice Elimination Communication).
He went through a bad time early on: he had reflux for the first 9 months of his life, plus around month 5-6 he had a bad reaction to an antibiotic treatment and wound up with serious gastrointestinal issues (waking every 2-3 hours with diarrhea).
Bouncing and rocking your child to sleep establishes a pattern and makes the infant less able to soothe himself to sleep. But on the flip side, you can find pro-CIO articles that suggest babies who are never sleep trained grow into spoiled, selfish adults.
So, if your 2 or 3 year old is still expecting milk or food at night, perhaps you simply haven’t taught her the rule that you eat in the morning at breakfast, not in the middle of the night? Note that you don’t have to do this for every nap and every night waking, especially in the beginning. At first, start with just one fixed point: the start of your baby’s first nap is a great one.
And this is easy to understand, once you know the jist of the book: essentially, Babywise advocates for letting your baby cry it out from a pretty young age. The beauty of this schedule is that it ensures your baby is awake after feedings; what happens before the next nap (and how awake your baby is going into the crib) is up to you.
Additionally, babies this age tend to naturally fall asleep during feeding, so it can feel fruitless to try and wake them for play time. If baby cried being in the car seat, would you take him out while driving because he was crying?
So download now, and learn why your baby is waking at night – and what you can do about it. The key here is whether you believe that your baby has the ability to learn a new way to sleep. It depends on the baby, their temperament, what they’re going through and a whole host of other factors. Similarly, some clients experience more health problems, difficulty functioning, or post-postpartum depression.
Because we were getting into a rhythm at night, Lyla understood better what we were asking her to do during the day. Even better, since you set the intervals of consoling, you can offer comfort as often as you’d like.
Even if you are positive that a gentle sleep training method is what your baby needs, if you can’t sustain that approach and stay consistent, your sleep training plan is bound to fail.
Your consultant will craft a Personalized Sleep Plan™ just for your family, walk you through each step of implementing the plan at home, and then will support you throughout the process. Have you ever tried to break a habit such as smoking, eating a whole bag of chips at a time, or biting your fingernails?
I did know I didn’t want to co-sleep (though we did anyway out of necessity for a short time).
She wrote such a nice letter to YOU, that it seemed better to share it here (you can also hear her at the end of my Basics of Toddler Sleep Tele-Seminar saying thank you). Nursing was always a method of deep relaxation leading to sleep and had now become a necessity to get my son to sleep even after all the physical issues were over. Focus instead on your unique parenting goals and style, your unique living situation, and your baby’s unique temperament and personality.
Or, perhaps your 12 month old waking up for the 10th time for you to grab the pacifier that is right next to him needs to learn how to maneuver the pacifier himself (or learn to sleep without it). What’s more, this kind of schedule works well with just about any kind of sleep coaching method. At some point you know that your baby is very capable of putting herself to sleep, but prefers you to rock, bounce, nurse, etc.
Also, you should ensure your baby does not have any health problems by visiting her pediatrician before starting any formal sleep training method such as cry-it-out.
They instinctively learn to cry to get a clean diaper or be held, if they need the comfort. I recently had a client tell me she didn’t understand how sleep deprivation could be used as a form of torture until she had a baby. For some babies and toddlers, sleep training means you are changing habits as long as two or three years old!
Lyla’s objection to naptime was so severe that we’d skip naps because she fought so hard for so long at each one. Most parents start with relatively short intervals at first (going into the room every 5 or 6 minutes, for example) and then gradually extend the intervals as sleep training progresses. Have you ever tried to develop a new habit such as exercise 3-4 times per week or floss every day? So, it doesn’t surprise me that my instincts led to some attachment parenting principles and not others. Or you are a Baby Sleep Training manufacturer, click here to publish your product information now.
Have a routine that supports good sleep, so that when things are quiet and the lights go out everyone is in charge of their own sleep…even the baby. You can find a middle ground between extreme CIO and extreme sleep deprivation that works for your family.
And, maybe a 6 month old baby actually can learn to nap in his crib rather than your arms 3-4 times a day with some direction from you. Your baby eats, and then plays (which prevents your baby from falling asleep during the feeding); then, after playtime, your baby is awake as he or she goes into bed for sleep.
If your baby changes sleep patterns abruptly, it can be an ear infection or reflux or another issue, so those should be ruled out, first. And, keep in mind that you can always try, take a break, and try again, if you doubt your timing after you start.
Once you lower your expectations and stop comparing your baby to your neighbor’s, it does wonders for your outlook. As you’ve probably experienced, skipping naps can lead to an overtired baby and really tough bedtimes. I have recently taken steps to help me with this by recently announcing two jobs for assistants to help me with my daily responsibilities here at The Baby Sleep Site.
I doubt I would have done anything differently had I researched attachment parenting more than I have to date. Once you understand the mechanics of sleep associations, you don’t necessarily want to wait two, three, or four plus years later for baby-led, though, in my opinion. Face-rubbing, wriggling, and getting cozy and comfy before dozing off comes naturally to a baby when parents stay out of the way. When you find it, hold on to it, and don’t let anyone else make you feel bad about your decision.
And you’ll be that much closer to having the confidence and security about your choices that you need in order to combat the mom guilt!
There is not going to be a magic age, but one day you will realize what baby once NEEDED to fall asleep, now she simply WANTS it. Your newborn will likely have limited self-soothing abilities or she will be great at sleeping, but then has her 4 month old sleep regression and suddenly has sleep problems.
Granted, most will have at least some success within 1-2 weeks that helps give you the boost you need for the long haul. I explained how babies cry to communicate, just like my son cried when he wet his underwear when he was first learning to use the potty. At some point you will be convinced your every-two-hour-eater is genuinely hungry or needs the comfort. We were getting to a really good place at bedtime and Lyla even started sleeping through the night a few nights a week. What one person must work at, others work double to achieve the same results (remember that friend who could eat a whole bag of chips and NOT gain weight? She started as a blogger for a diverse group of businesses, and now writes for a number of digital publications for companies stationed in her hometown in the Rocky Mountains, and provides advertising copy and media buys for national and regional clients. Especially because, as you may remember from my last post about sticking with sleep training, Lyla brawled with sleep like a prizefighter, so we were getting no sleep overnight. I didn’t want to risk losing the progress we made at night so I knew I had to make a change at naptime.



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