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About ten years ago, a woman I know gave up a high paying job in Connecticut because she felt that she could not handle the stress. If we look back at history, the idea of elderly parents taking care of the financial needs of adult children is quite new. Adult children who are not disabled should not be supported by their parents and parents should not support their adult children. Given our current economic climate, there is no justification for an adult child to live off of a parent’s largesse. If you are a parent supporting an adult child, you cannot show junior to the door without a transition period, of course.
From my own experience I do not have children but I had parents and know that they said no when I needed help to pay my bills and no when I wanted to move back home. Velvet — According to the Pew Research Center, 40% of adult children are receiving some support from their parents.
All that being said, I agree with you that parents aren’t doing their grown children any favors by enabling their entitlement. My dear roomie’s adult kids sucked her DRY of all her savings and left her drowning in debt. And the little I saw of how they spent money showed a lack of financial maturity that made me angry.
The really pathetic part is that this all too frequently happens with older people who really don’t have the means to support grown kids. In this culture my parents would be labeled barbarians because they expected me to be rather self-sufficient at 18. When I moved to Tennessee for school…I borrowed a large amount of money from my father to pay for the first year, with the understanding that I was responsible for the rest of it. I know another woman in her 70’s who lived with her mother until her mother passed away. It is just not healthy for adults to live with other adult family members — other than their spouses. I live with my parents, but I pay them some rent, am licensed in my field, and have a well paying job. I completely understand all of the objections to deadbeat children who can’t earn a living and have no desire to. Don’t forget that for much of history, parents and children and grandchildren living together was NORMAL.
What have I done,my 25 yr old son has totally devastated & broken our mother and offspring bond. I do not have any respect for capable adult children who essentially bleed their parents dry – but the parents who allow them to do so play their own part in all of this.
However, it seems like few people want to speak frankly about the parents’ role in these situations.

I know an older couple who are trying to disentangle themselves from a dependent adult child (over 40!!).
Maybe the parents can try to find local support groups that can help them with suggestions and support with their situation. One of the first things I would do in their situation is to either be very honest with myself or get outside help to determine if the daughter is really incapable of helping herself. If the daughter is truly incapable of taking care of herself then they might just have to resign themselves to taking care of her and doing their best to leave a trust for her care after they are gone. Renee — If the children are living in your home, you still make the rules no matter how old they may be.
If you have trouble doing this, I suggest you seek out a therapist who can help you through this process. Renee — Even if it does not immediately solve your problem, you should seek professional counseling to help you to deal with it. These are some of the images that we found for within the public domain for your "Good Parenting" keyword. I did a quick search of other Pew studies that touch on the topic and find that they consider an adult child age 18+. When they pass, the self sufficient children will get minimal and the sad lonely daughter will get everything. My parents benefit from me being here financially as well as in practical ways (such as I can help out with work around the house or give them a ride (in a car that I paid for) when their car needs to go into the shop.) I also have lived completely on my own for years before moving in back in with them. That, however, does not directly correspond to whether or not someone lives in the same household as their parents, especially when you are talking about people in my generation.
As adults, these children are certainly capable of comprehending the harm they are doing to their parents and the blame is clearly theirs for asking and taking assistance they do not or should not need. Aside from those criminal cases where the children actually steal from the parents (pawnable items, identity theft, etc), it is also the parents’ fault for indulging their children.
It is frustrating to watch and saddens me because I’ve seen how their relationships have suffered.
The older couple has spent over $50,000 supoorting their daughter after she made a series of costly mistakes (primarily due to getting involved with an irresponsible man). If she does, then I would suggest that her parents suggest she look into any EPA programs that might be available to get some help with the costs of counseling.
I’m going to forward your comment to the couple having the difficulties with their daughter. Most of these programs have a lot of different services that they offer in conjunction with or in addition to their standard health insurance.
You are no better than the rest of these wimpy parents; just more self rigteous and hyp·o·crit·i·cal. Based on your rather brief note, you seem overwhelmed, a good therapist can help you to feel better about yourself and the steps that you are taking to resolve your problems with your kids.

What would they do if their parents were in a state where they needed to the kids to step up and help with their care? It is possible for parents to love their children without supporting them through money once they are adults. Once the parents are gone, the daughter will no doubt go through the rest of their assets, assuming there is anything left. This is a very responsible thing to do, and ultimately enables one to financially care for parents (if it’s needed) as the parents grow older and need help. The parents are enabling them to become dependent and studies have shown that grown-ups who receive this kind of support end up being on the lower end of the scale of wealth creation.
Although DH never lived with his grandparents, and he left his parent’s home at college, he wants our daughter and our future grandkids to live with us. The parents keep saying yes, they keep falling for the sob stories and the manipulation – they keep on giving when they should start practicing a tougher kind of love. The daughter (and her dysfunctional pets) are now living with the couple and making their life miserable. My company’s program has a number that we can call to find a mental health professional or to find a lawyer. I was in a relationship with a mom who was still washing her 27 year old son’s underwear. Additionally this type of behavior is extremely detrimental to them when something does happen to the parent such as them not being able to support their grown child anymore or death. They are doing NO favors for their children or for themselves by keeping the Bank of Mom & Dad open. They won’t force her to leave because she seems to have emotional problems, but at least they are no longer paying her bills anymore (other than her housing costs). If you’re calling for legal advice, many programs even have an option where initial legal consultation is free or discounted. He’s taken $$ out of an account used for over 7 yrs specifically for mortgage payments nothing else.
Adding salt to the wounds has threatened to have me arrested if I go to my house to finish up what’s left before an open house. After 210 days they had a car and enough money to pay first month rent and security deposit. Within the job seeking 30 days I took the cable boxes, phone, internet cable and laptop to work with me. You just have to make them want to move, want to eat McDonalds, want a new shirt, want to go to the movies, want to have independence.

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