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16.01.2015
While going through the emails what surprised me the most was just how consistent some of the advice was. The most common piece of advice—so common that almost every single email said at least something about it—was to start getting your financial house in order and to start saving for retirement… today.
Keep an “emergency fund”—there were tons of horror stories about people getting financially ruined by health issues, lawsuits, divorces, bad business deals, etc.
Stash away a portion of every paycheck, preferably into a 401k, an IRA or at the least, a savings account. One reader said, “If you are in debt more than 10 percent of your gross annual salary this is a huge red flag. And then there were the readers who were just completely screwed by their inability to save in their 30s. People typically struggle with boundaries because they find it difficult to hurt someone else’s feelings, or they get caught up in the desire to change the other person or make them treat them the way they want to be treated. When we’re in our 20s, the world is so open to opportunity and we’re so short on experience that we cling to the people we meet, even if they’ve done nothing to earn our clingage. Conversely, while enforcing stricter boundaries on who we let into our lives, many readers advised to make the time for those friends and family that we do decide to keep close.
A few readers noted that most people arbitrarily choose their careers in their late teens or early 20s, and as with many of our choices at those ages, they are often wrong choices.
Multiple readers related making major career changes in their 30s and being better off for doing so.
It follows that if one can still change in their 30s—and should continue to change in their 30s—then one must continue to work to improve and grow. As Warren Buffett once said, the greatest investment a young person can make is in their own education, in their own mind. In my article about what I learned in my 20s, one of my lessons was “Nobody Knows What They’re Doing,” and that this was good news.
Pretty much everybody agreed to get over whatever problems you have with your parents and find a way to make it work with them. But then there’s the question that plagues every single 30-year-old: To baby or not to baby? The consensus about marriage seemed to be that it was worth it, assuming you had a healthy relationship with the right person. This one was rarely the central focus of any email, but it was present in some capacity in almost all of them: treat yourself better. April 7, 2014 2 CommentsIt has been a hope of mine for a while to start adding weekly Family Home Evening Lesson Plans to the site, and I really inspired by General Conference to just do it!
If you are not LDS and are unfamiliar with Family Home Evening, members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints hold a Family Home Evening every Monday evening with their own family members. When Maximino Hoz presented his case asking for relief from deportation, he submitted letters from his children’s teachers, therapists and friends saying his family would suffer extreme hardship if he were removed from the country.
As President Barack Obama and members of Congress on both sides of the aisle pledge to take on comprehensive immigration reform following the election, the heart-wrenching, one-paragraph letter from Anthony Hoz highlights the pain of family separation that has become a common by-product of the current U.S. Dear Rex Ford, please I beg you with all my heart to leave my dad with us Because we need him so he can pay the bills of the house, and we love him so much.


The letter was first uploaded to the Facebook account of DREAM Activist, an advocacy group. The Hoz family arrived from Mexico in 1993, according to Reyna, who says immigration officers detained her husband Maximino 11 months ago and sent him to Broward Detention Center in Florida. Maximino's case file contains letters from concerned teachers, friends, and colleagues, all pleading for leniency in Hoz’s deportation case.
Since their father’s detention, Hoz’s five children have struggled with depression, according to a teacher and a therapist.
Rex Ford, the judge to whom his son addressed the letter, has a reputation for tough rulings. Jiang had no criminal record and was seeking asylum in the United States after being forcibly sterilized in China at age 20, according to the New York Times. Hoz also has a criminal record, including two DUIs and driving without a license, that will make his case hard to win, according to Aliseris.
Estrella Manuel, 2, holds an American flag in her mouth during a news conference in Miami Wednesday, June 17, 2009.
I sent an email out to my subscribers (subscribe here) and asked readers age 37 and older what advice they would give their 30-year-old selves. The same 5-6 pieces of advice came up over and over and over again in different forms across literally 100s of emails. Quit spending, pay off your debt and start saving.” Another wrote, “I would have saved more money in an emergency fund because unexpected expenses really killed my budget.
One woman emailed me saying that she had worked low-wage jobs with two kids in her 30s and still managed to sock away some money in a retirement fund each year. These were emails from cancer survivors, heart attack survivors, stroke survivors, people with diabetes and blood pressure problems, joint issues and chronic pain. After calls to take care of your health and your finances, the most common piece of advice from people looking back at their 30-year-old selves was an interesting one: they would go back and enforce stronger boundaries in their lives and dedicate their time to better people.
But by our 30s we’ve learned that good relationships are hard to come by, that there’s no shortage of people to meet and friends to be made, and that there’s no reason to waste our time with people who don’t help us on our life’s path.
It may mean ditching a career they spent a decade building and giving up money they worked hard for and became accustomed to. Many readers related the choice of going back to school and getting their degrees in their 30s as one of the most useful things they had ever done.
Well, according to the 40+ crowd, this continues to be true in one’s 30s and, well, forever it seems; and it continues to be good news forever as well. Family is the big new relevant topic for this decade for me, because you get it on both ends. One reader wrote, “You’re too old to blame your parents for any of your own short-comings now. The Huffington Post obtained the file from a Dream Act activist, who obtained the file from Reyna. He once ordered a Chinese woman deported for answering questions before the court interpreter had translated them.
The idea was that I would crowdsource the life experience from my older readership and create another article based on their collective wisdom.


It took me a solid three days to read through them all and I was floored by the quality of insight people sent. It seems that there really are a few core pieces of advice that are particularly relevant to this decade of your life.
Her career took a turn for the worst and now she’s stuck at 57, still living paycheck to paycheck. Because she started early and invested wisely, she is now in her 50s and financially stable for the first time in her life. But just as with the retirement savings, the response from the older readers was loud and unanimous: get healthy and stay healthy now.
They all said the same thing: “If I could go back, I would start eating better and exercising and I would not stop. But it’s better to focus on our primary strengths and maximize them over the course of lifetime than to half-ass something else. And, in fact, dozens and dozens of readers implored to not let these social expectations of “being an adult” deter you from taking some major risks and starting over.
Your parents are old and you need to start considering how your relationship with them is going to function as a self-sufficient adult.
The letter, begging judge Rex Ford not to deport his father, is just one compelling case among the nearly 400,000 people deported every year. We beg you not to send my dad to Mexico, Because we don’t want him to be killed over in Mexico.
Immigration and Customs Enforcement's name for the facility, did not return a phone message asking for comment. When I asked my mom this question, her answer was, “I wish I had been willing to think outside the box a bit more. Please I beg you with all my heart to leave my dad with us and I promise you I will be a good student and I will be somebody in life to help this country.
The director of a community organization said Hoz contributed hundreds of hours volunteering at a food distribution center in his free time. They later got divorced and she soon ran into health problems, draining all of the money she received in the divorce settlement. And now that I’m competent and have a major advantage and love what I do, why would I ever trade that in for another career? She, too, now lives paycheck to paycheck, slowly waiting for the day social security kicks in. Another man related a story of having to be supported by his son because he didn’t save and unexpectedly lost his job in the 2008 crash.



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