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BUT i read things about people in relationships with their walks by the river and long talks etc and i want that. So my quesiton is should i try and date with one of them just for that, even though i know i would break up with them in a few months and never kiss them or anything, or would that just be cruel and fake. I want to have a real friendship with someone - as in you meet up outside of school, go round to each others house to play games, etc - but i'm not very good at forcing things like that on people. If you know you're not going to invest yourself into the relationship, then don't get in a damn relationship. I didn't really care about it since my profession does not need a college degree, just good knowledge.
I didn't think about the fact that you could still love her or have feelings for her or even still think about her.
I know I've told you that I have hope that we can all be together and hopefully you'll get over her.

But I keep having my feelings change, and if I keep staying in your house, looking at you while you sleep and thinking about it, I end up saying fuck it and choose to stay with you instead of go home and have time to think.
I can't say I will be able to think better if I'm at my house away from you, but I have to try. It's crazy to think that before I found that note you wrote about her, I already had this gut feeling something was wrong in our relationship and it had to do with her.
No matter how much I try to believe the things you told me about why you wrote that note, in my mind it's still apparent that you really can't let go. You wrote that note because you still miss her, you're still hurt, you can't get over her, and you can't accept that it's truly over.
I can't be happy knowing that if the circumstances that made her leave you changed, and she spoke to you again, you'd go back to her. I had a really great time & I still think about all the cute things you've done for me, how much you care about me, all the laughs and dates we've had.

Maybe enough that for a moment you thought I was the one that would make you forget about her entirely.
Now you know that your feelings for her aren't gonna change no matter how perfect we are for eachother and everything we've been through.
The nights we spent at the park drinking, or the nights we spent at your house drinking and having laughs and listening to music, our movie dates, our vidya dates, getting our first Pokemon cards, all the things we have in common, it's not enough. I want to give you time and space to think about all of this, but you just want to move away to your home state or completely go invisible.
Heartbreak is like being in a moving car, and suddenly it goes off the road and into the water.

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