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Despite what your mother-in-law or great-aunt tells you, children vary in the ages at which they gain bowel and bladder control.
The majority of children achieve the ability to go to the toi­let between the ages of two and three. By the age of three, most children have full bowel and blad­der control during the day, and 75 percent are trained at night, too. In order for you to help your child achieve the goal of toi­let training, you will have to ensure that he is ready, willing, and able. A baby of one year cannot possibly be toilet trained because the nerves and muscles involved are too immature for him to control his bladder and bowel. Capitalize on your child’s natural curiosity by taking him into the bathroom with you and allowing your child to observe how an adult correctly uses the toilet. At some point your child will begin to show increasing dis­comfort with a wet or soiled diaper.
If you are beginning training in inclement weather, let your child run around the house without diapers. This alone doesn’t mean your child has the necessary muscle control for toilet training, but his interest is a positive sign. Once your child can draw your attention to the fact that he has used his diaper—either by gesture or words—he is probably ready to start toilet training.

When your child deliberately indicates to you that he’s filling his diaper, then he has a level of awareness that means toilet training can begin. There is no doubt your child is ready to learn bowel and bladder con­trol when he is mature enough to let you know he needs the toilet—at this stage, muscle control is well developed. If your child’s diaper is still dry late in the morning, even though you put it on first thing, then he has some muscle control. You require your child’s cooperation, so remind yourself that you have to be encourag­ing (use much praise and many hugs) and never punish acci­dents. For girls, wipe from front to back, and teach her that she always wipes herself this way (this discourages yeast infections). Your child will be outside much of the time, and you can use this as a good opportunity to remove the diaper and bring out the potty.
Preferably, keep the dia-perless child in family living areas with easily-washed tile or linoleum floors. By eighteen months a toddler may know when he wets or soils his diaper, but may still not have the necessary physical control to train. The same applies if you find your child’s dia­per is consistently dry after being worn during a short nap. Usually, younger siblings are trained earlier, simply because they want to do what big sister or brother does.

Encourage your child to try wiping him- or herself, although some children don’t want to do this, quite yet. You will have setbacks, possibly caused by starting training too early, or by family stressors such as the birth of a sibling. It is also one of your child’s first steps toward independence, and a major part of his social development. You may also need to buy a child-sized insert for the regular toilet seat for the child who prefers this to the potty. At twenty-one months, toilet training may or may not have started, but remember, there is no need to rush.
And if toilet training is begun too early, it can lead to frustration for all concerned, leading to low self-confidence in your child. Others will use a potty as a toy, as a hat, as a place for teddy to pretend to poo, but not him.

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