The second step involves managing and regulating those emotions that lead to aggressiveness when they appear, so that they do more good than harm.
For instance, anger is calling attention to the idea that something is wrong, an injustice has occurred or a conflict needs to be resolved.
Rule #1: The brain does not want to feel an emotion that is inconsistent with the physiology of the body.
Rule #2: When you are feeling a disruptive emotion, ask yourself what emotion you want to feel and then behave consistently with that emotion.
One word of caution: this strategy doesn’t solve the issue or threat that caused the aggressive response, whether past or present. Simply controlling your reactions and your communication of information to others opens up a new avenue to present your ideas and thoughts.
Learn 7 valuable leadership lessons and organizational “survival” tactics through the eyes of one of the world’s most industrious and successful creatures, the honey bee. Who We AreAn innovative training and employee development firm located in southern Vermont since 1984, we specialize in helping organizations get the most out of their people by raising the bar, inspiring potential and partnering with organizations to build a people-centered, high-engagement culture. Few things have a greater impact on your level of success in life than your ability to communicate well.
They used to call Ronald Reagan “The Great Communicator,” but the one who truly deserves that title is God. Even if you’ve never been good at expressing yourself… even if it doesn’t come naturally to you, you still have the capacity to become an excellent communicator.
Mac Hammond is senior pastor of Living Word Christian Center, a non-denominational church located in Brooklyn Park, MN. Tolerated for years, it was only when the organization moved towards teams that her behavior was addressed.
Through a 360 survey, she began by getting feedback on her body language, tone of voice and word choices in meetings and interactions. On the chart across from each emotion, they list what situations prompt a certain emotion (their personal triggers).

Self regulation helps us to act intentionally rather than reactively.  It helps us to think clearly and stay focused. Use behavioral strategies as a short-term remedy when you can’t fully process your emotions in the present. Set guiding principles for behavior and design your own value system.  Having clear boundaries and a filter for what you say and do will assist you to make better choices. Get the focus off from you and your needs.  Start listening to others and uncovering their true feelings and motivation.
It affects your happiness in marriage, your effectiveness as a parent, your upward mobility on the job, and prosperity in the marketplace. He created language and it shouldn’t come as a surprise that His Word contains some keys that will help you master the uncommon art of communication. Or were you one to condemn him for his lack of control on the job?  Do you think that he woke up that morning and said, “Today I’m going to yell obscenities at a passenger, fly down the escape chute, and have my 3 minutes of fame on YouTube?” I’m guessing – probably not. Over twenty years on the job – I bet if you asked his coworkers, they’d say that he has tremendous wisdom in how to do his job and how to deal with airline customers. It took a tremendous amount of work and commitment, from both her and her manager to change.
In other words, “fake it ‘til you make it.” According to Jeff Feldman and Karl Mulle in Put Emotional Intelligence to Work, there are two rules that will help you manage difficult emotions when you are in a situation where you can’t process through them. While our defense mechanism was designed to help us during “real” danger to our lives, it kicks in today more often when we perceive danger.  What situations really produce a “danger” to us? Having to engage the rational part of the brain to work through decision making and consider alternatives will bring the emotional state back into balance. Don’t mirror the aggressiveness of others or let their heightened sense of alarm trigger yours. He can probably speak to the current airline customer climate today versus yesterday and if asked to, could detail all types of strategies that can be used to calm and diffuse difficult situations.  However, that’s not the message he’ll be famous for. After time however, she learned to communicate in a new and more influential manner, and gained the respect of others by doing so.

She isolated those messages that would flood her with negative feelings from the past and she became better aware of what messages triggered an exaggerated response.
Not surprising, many individuals find it extremely hard to do this piece and have to go to others for insights and help.  Finally, they reflect on how their actions or decisions are affected by that emotion, isolating what is positive and what is destructive to their success. Excuse yourself to the bathroom, vent to a friend or family member, write in a journal or see a therapist. Anxiety lets us know that more caution and care are needed to manage the situation effectively. Others helped her when they would see the signs of escalated communication so that she could stop and re-assess her actions. For this topic, gaining a better understanding of what situations trigger aggressive behavior, what it looks like and how it affects actions and decisions is the first step.
Insecurity points to a need to develop a skill set, find out what makes your life significant or connect with what you are passionate about.
Recognizing and developing an ability to cope with changes and difficulties redefines what you perceive as dangerous and lessens the instinctual response.
She spent hours on personal reflection, journaling and using discussions with others and our coaching sessions to understand her own emotions and control herself when faced with a familiar and natural response.
Look beyond anger to see if what is fueling the fire is actually fear, deep concern, worry, guilt or hurt.
Embarrassment suggests that you need to be more discreet, learn how to laugh at yourself or be less of a perfectionist. Embracing emotions, rather than fearing them or dismissing them, will allow you to understand yourself better.

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