One of the presuppositions of NLP is that the meaning of a communication is in the way it is received.
This presupposition is a simple way of saying that we must take responsibility for how we attempt to communicate a message. Fundamentally, the reason for the conflict and misunderstanding that comes from “miscommunication,” indeed, the reason for miscommunication itself, is typically because empathy is lacking in both the transmitter and the receiver of the message. When we communicate without empathy, we are transmitting without any regard or consideration to the needs of our intended receiver.
I’ve just said that lack of empathy on both sides of a communication is the reason why misunderstandings and the resulting conflicts happen. Furthermore, if the sender places his own need to validate himself, or to “be direct,” or “tell it like it is,” over the way a message is received or how it is interpreted, there can be no empathy conveyed, and the message will more than likely generate a violent (not in the physical sense… hopefully) reaction.
It is also necessary that the sender understand “why” he wants to send the message in the first place.
By replacing “but” with “and,” you imply that both conditions can be met; you just don’t know how…. Even if they cannot do what we are asking, they will most likely work with us to find another way to meet our needs. You hopefully noticed that empathy is the key ingredient of successful communications, and that empathy must be present from the very beginning, in the message being communicated.

A message delivered with empathy will show concern for the needs of the recipients as well as the senders.
I posted a guest post from Dianne Lowther of Brilliant Minds on this presupposition back in June of this year, but think it is worth visiting again.
When we wish to convey a particular message and it is misinterpreted, we often blame the recipient for misunderstanding. Often times people will try and justify this lack of empathy by saying they prefer to “tell it like it is,” or to “be direct.” The true motive behind this desire to “be direct” is to force our message on somebody else, with little regard to how they may interpret or receive it. That being the case, you may be wondering why it is that the sender has the responsibility for ensuring his or her message is accurately received. The sender starts the cycle, and understands (hopefully) the meaning of the message being conveyed. The sender is the only person who can know the meaning of any communication before it is sent.
It is best to be honest about your needs while you can also be empathic and sensitive to your recipient’s needs as well. A simple yet powerful way to make your language more positive is by replacing any “but” statements with “and” statements.
Given this, it should also be obvious that the sender is the only person that can be responsible for the way his or her message is received.

It is simply not possibly to engage in active listening – to give somebody your total attention, and show genuine interest in what the other is trying to say, without empathy. If the sender does not know what meaning she wants to convey, then how can the receiver possibly understand it? What avoiding vague language means is to speak plainly, but with empathy, and in a way your receiver can understand and accept.
By doing this you will find it much easier to convey empathy, and frame your message in a nonviolent manner. However, when we request something from somebody else with empathy, we usually generate a genuine desire within them to help. And the sender will clarify understanding, and if necessary, change the way the message is crafted to ensure understanding. In fact, a fundamental part of active listening is to connect with the sender, and repeat back his or her message in our own words to confirm our own understanding. It is possible to communicate anger in ways that actually achieve positive results and get your needs met.

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Comments to Ways to communicate respectfully


20.12.2015 at 22:58:38

That lay at the core of the most potent philosophies.


20.12.2015 at 14:20:10

Heart, and prepares us for divine service in a way the time you started the activity.