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Dear Sarah, I am in my early thirties and have been together with a wonderful man (also in his thirties) for just over three years now.
You could find yourself rationalizing this situation by thinking it may be you can’t get pregnant anyway. Unfortunately almost all of us go through it at some point in life and we know how it sucks. When I want him back, I don’t bother playing games and instead just ask him to meet me.
When we first started dating, we talked fairly early on about our general views on marriage and children, and we both agreed that we wanted to get married and have kids one day (although we weren’t saying we would marry each other at that stage!).
For some of us, this awful situation can get a little more awkward when that dilemma starts looming in front of us: what if my ex boyfriend wants me back? True he may just want to be checking up on you, but even this is a sign that he is not over you.
If your friends, his friends, family, or others come talking to you on his behalf it’s a good sign that he wants you back.


When our former can’t stop bringing up past memories, he really is looking at all the good things he wants back.
It was important for me to know that I was going into a relationship with someone who has similar values and desires in life.
He likely can’t see himself with anyone but you and is still having difficulty accepting the breakup. If you are still interacting with your ex, pay particular attention to the way he acts around you. If your ex keeps fondly bringing up some of the good times you’ve had, it usually means he misses you.
I like to talk about all the ways we are still trying to interact as a couple, why we miss each other, and what we should do to patch things up. In many instances, the ex boyfriend might want or need to resolve why the breakup happened in the first place. When this happens, you need to realize it’s almost as big as if your ex told you directly that he misses you!
This is a good indicator that there is still a chance between the two of you, given the right circumstances. They may have had little experience looking after children so are unaware what parenting might be like, and fear the worst.


Sometimes in situations like yours, a partner believes their loved one will change their mind given enough time, attention and love.
I have to say that I don't find this funny and I want to know if I am waiting for something that is never going to happen. I am assuming from your question that you want children, but it may be worth thinking about how much you do want a family and whether you would be genuinely happy with him in a childless relationship. Some people don’t and then a few years down the line they discover that they have very different expectations. Friends, family and counseling (arranged via your GP or yourself through British Association for Counselling & Psychotherapy (BACP) could help you if this is the route you decide to take.
Would it help to see a couple’s therapist together, to take some time apart or for the two of you to talk frankly about what marriage and children would mean for your relationship?
If there really is no shift – there will come a time when you may need to take action yourself. When that day comes you could try proposing yourself or ending the relationship – either action will bring the situation to a head and you will then know for certain where you stand.



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