But in general, it’s a good idea to give a relationship space after it goes through something like this. Pursuing looks like asking questions about his life, about your relationship, or about your break up (WHY? Let it be a mystery to him what your feelings are but let it be clear in your responses that you’re not mad at him. Here’s an example apology letter that an actual client of mine sent to her ex-boyfriend. Just remember that this letter and this conversation, IF you want a snowballs chance in hell of getting back together, needs to be about what YOU can do differently; not what HE can do differently.
The State of California doesn’t finalize divorce until the couple has been separated for 6 months. What happens during this break is that they become less dependent on each other, which takes away any feelings of blame and neediness. This period of time is helpful for him to find his love again so that he can release his blame.
It also can give you an opportunity to transform a part of you that is too dependent on him. Hi Lauren- I broke up with my ex the night before he was moving out of state (not cool, I know). Hi Lauren, i had recently bought the book men are from mars and women are from Venus, it has brought me to try and discover more wonderful information on your page. Lauren, I believe your advice about giving the ex space is on point and I wish I had given mine a lot of space.
Dear Lauren, My ex broke up with me about 3 weeks ago and I just started no contact about a week ago. HW (Helen), I'm so happy to hear those books and resources were helpful to you in a difficult time. When my boyfriend and I get into a fight he remains withdrawn for the rest of the day and isn’t as affectionate as he usually is. But when it comes to a woman, this phrase is slightly more nuanced and can mean more than one thing. My name is Kevin, and I am here to help you through this painful breakup and hopefully get your ex back.
I have seen people make these mistakes over and over again (in my two years three years of experience helping people with breakups).
I am glad you asked because the first part of this guide is precisely about these mistakes. Similarly, your instincts will also make you believe that if you just show your ex that you can’t live without them, they will take you back. Your instincts will tell you that if you just agree to everything your ex wants, they will come back. Your instincts tell you that if your ex just realizes how much you love them and how much you care about them, they will come back.
The truth is, they already know that you love them, how much you adore them and how much you care about them. If I don’t do anything right now, they’ll fall in love with this new person and forget about me forever. If you didn’t realize it by now, your instincts and your mind go into panic mode when you find out your ex is dating someone new.
The truth is, your ex is most probably in a rebound relationship (Read: Is Your Ex In a Rebound Relationship?
The most important thing for you to do while your ex is in a rebound relationship is be cool about it. If you’ve been searching about breakups and getting your ex back online, you’d know that there is a thing called no contact rule. Basically, the no contact period should be as long as it takes you to get yourself together and feel great about your life without your ex.
However, if your ex is currently calling you everyday or texting you everyday, then yes you should let them know that you don’t want them to contact you for a short period of time.
If you and your ex were in any type of serious relationship, then they will not be able to move on so quickly. So, you want to give your ex a couple days break from your avalanche of texts and then bombard them again after a couple of days?
It takes time for people to remove negative association after a breakup and start missing their ex. Being a happy and confident person is probably the most important thing when it comes to getting your ex back. Instead of sitting at home eating ice cream and watching TV, go out and do something to make yourself feel better. For example, even if your relationship with your ex was abusive, you might want to rekindle it just because you are missing. If you think with your heart, you will just hear that you love your ex and you want them back. You should actually bring a positive change in your life and become a confident, happy and attractive person.
If you have been following this guide till now, then you know how to go about the first point.
Before you contact your ex, here is a checklist of things you need to make sure you’ve done. You have accepted the breakup and you are OK with the fact that you may never get your ex back and this might never work for you. You have accepted the fact that even if you don’t get your ex back, you will be fine since there are endless opportunities in the world to find love and happiness. A hand written letter is a great way to contact your ex right after you’ve finished no contact.
Text messages should ideally be used after sending the hand written letter to build up attraction. It doesn’t matter where they are, your text will reach them and they will be excited to get a text from you.
If you’ve done your homework correctly, you will be oozing confidence and attractiveness out of every inch of your body. OK, even though this guide is quite long and covers most of what you need to know on this subject, there are a lot of topics that are not covered here. Since trying to get your ex back takes time and going through the no contact period is an everyday struggle, I’ve designed Part 5 of this guide to be an email series. More importantly, I reveal a lot of secret tactics and tricks that are not mentioned in this guide. So last week on Wednesday we decided to have a family day, just to spend it with our daughter and take her out. There was a moment when a guy came up to me and then left and then my ex came up to me and said be careful with that guy he’s weird. I did notice he was on his phone a lot like texting with someone but all I got to see was the area code he didn’t have the number saved. He had also mentioned to me earlier that day when he first picked us up that he wanted to take our daughter to Disneyland and I said he should that she would love it and then he said he had already asked his neighbor to get us tickets to go. I know he’s not lying about it because my friend (the girl) told me my ex told her bf about it.
Like 2 days later my friend told me that my ex told him that same day we had the family day like just out of no where that his gf was stalking me on facebook.
But what if, i uploaded a pic to insta yesterday and wrote that i’m going to get a new tattoo soon, which is true! If you are unsure, you can just tell him clearly that you don’t want to speak to him for a while and you need space and time. Kevin should i tell him to don’t talk to me for awhile or should i ignore and keep doing NC? Next day after we spoke she send an emoticon in facebook and said that was a mistake,my response was ok ,happens.The next day she removed our pictures.
Do you think she still has feelings.Why did she even call in first place.Why did she remove the pictures now?
It just makes me so sad to think that he stopped caring so quickly and here I am still wanting him in my life. One of my friend’s told me” You know what sucks is that I know he loves you but he knows you love him and your willing to stick around and that’s why I feel he isn’t scared to lose you” and its true I’m sure he thinks that, that’s why he’s not scared but he doesn’t want to see guys talking to me either.
I also feel like the major issue here is that frankly I don’t want to move on and that I believe it was a really good relationship when we were together and letting it go is a mistake.
In your case, this tiny little flaw is that you couldn’t make it work with long distance. I know there’s a big difference between a drinking problem and not moving on from a long distance breakup. So if he is not willing to fix the problem that’s causing you distress, shouldn’t you move on? How To Get Your Ex-Boyfriend Back: The Proven Step-By-Step System to Restore Your Relationship!
These notes will build the foundation for your secret weapon and ultimate persuasion tactic for winning your ex back.


This is because the majority of couples change their minds and get back together within 4-6 months. This is the time to connect with your self-sufficiency, and your ability to make yourself happy. If you believe in your heart that he has to change in order for you to be happy in this relationship, it will never work. A call to learn more about successful relationship skills so that you can have more loving, supportive and successful relationships in your life. What is one lesson you’ve learned in a past relationship that you’ve applied to a current one or will apply to a future one? Currently I am trying the no contact rule, but it's impossible for me not to see him due to the fact we attend the same workplace.
My boyfriend of three years had recently just left me about a month an a half ago, we had just moved in together and were only living at our apartment for 2 months before he decided to lay the break up on me.
I am from the Philippines and I bumped on this site trying to find out advises for my current relationship.
I'd have to know more about the relationship to give you a more confident answer but if you feel like there was a big enough bond between you in the first place, then you could always try sending this letter. He tells me he loves me and we’ll be fine, but can I trust that what he’s saying is truly how he feels? Why would I imply such a detestable thing when I’m a lover of love and I teach relationships for a living?
I have done so because this way you have a step by step plan that you can follow to get your ex back. In fact,  every time you call or text your ex, you are showing them you are a needy person and you are miserable without them. This neediness is unattractive and pushes your ex further away.
Your instincts will tell you that your needs, your values, your desires, your goals don’t matter. You just need to make them believe that no one in the world will ever love them the way you do.
Don’t worry, even the wisest monks in the Himalayas and masters of psychology from Harvard usually end up making these mistakes after a breakup. Your ex needs some space and time to remove all the negative associations from the breakup and start missing you.
In fact, no contact is only going to make them miss you more and remember the good things about you.
No contact will be of no use unless you try to make a positive change in your life during this time.
You don’t want to make any physical changes right now that you might regret for the rest of your life (like getting a tattoo of a broken heart).
You need to realize that happiness and confidence is something that you can get by working on yourself. And the only way you can do it is by realizing your purpose and your goals in life and pursuing them. They thought of you as a needy, clingy and desperate person with little to no self-respect. An empty message is something that doesn’t say anything and doesn’t give your ex anything to talk about.
The guy later came back up to me and was talking to me and then my ex saw that from a far and walked up to us and stood right next to me and gave the guy a look I then said something to my ex about leaving to not make this situation big or anything.
I was walking to the store alone with my daughter and he was going to go somewhere wit my friend’s bf which is also his friend but then saw me walking alone and decided to walk with me to the store.
That he went through her phone & saw she stayed on my page & that he confronted her about it saying why are you on her page? Like I said before, work on your communication skills and try to figure out what caused all the issues in the relationship.
Since it’s been 8 months, and you have pretty much tried everything to move on, I think there are deeper issues at play here than just this guy and your relationship with him. But, I will recommend you don’t focus on that and use it as an excuse to continue having hope etc. I mean if he truly wanted her out he’d be straight up with her, supposedly he doesn’t cause she has nowhere to go and doesn’t want to leave her out in the streets but I don’t know. If he had a drinking problem or he was abusive (which are both fixable problems), what would you have done? Enabling JavaScript in your browser will allow you to experience all the features of our site. I mean every situation requires it’s own solution, which can primarily come from your heart. I’m very interested in learning lessons on how I can do it better next time, whether it be with you or someone else in my future. Also we share the same close friends, so sometimes when out with friends he's there and at parties, but we never speak at all during them. He says he needs to find himself and his happiness, this term is still so confusing for me when things for the past three years were going so well. I did try all this what you recommend here: waited, wrote the apology letter, asked him if we could talk about what could I have done better.
This is the technique my dad, John Gray, has been teaching with success for over 30 years helping couples reunite.
There are no guarantees but this IS the best way to encourage him to connect with his love and desire for you.
You let him know what kind of dates you liked going on and then he became more confident in how to please you, that's when he started taking charge.
I'm on my 4th Mars Venus book - Mars and Venus on a Date - and I noticed that this is a huge theme in the book.
I can, however, guarantee that if you follow this plan, your chances of getting your ex boyfriend or ex girlfriend back will increase significantly. It’s important to have a plan to follow, because after a breakup you are hurt, emotionally drained and most of all, confused. A plan will give you something to look forward to when you are feeling down and unsure about yourself. So whenever you go out drinking, have a friend with you who can stop you from making this mistake. We will get into that but before that that let’s take a look at how your instincts react when you find out your ex is dating someone else.
Including begging, using pity, telling them how much I love them, agreeing to all their conditions (be a doormat).
It’s just in the nature of human beings to try and hold on to something that is precious to them. People have a common misconception that if you don’t contact your ex, they will forget about you. The only exception to this is if you are close to ending your no contact and you are already feeling great about your life.
Besides, you have to prove to yourself that you can live without your ex for at least 30 days. If you just want to stay at home and just be miserable for the next one month, things are not going to change even after no contact period. This is also great for your mental health as working out releases endorphins which make you happy. This is absolutely essential and if you are reading this, then I will recommend that you definitely go out on a few dates before ending no contact with your ex. You need to analyze what went wrong and realize whether or not it’s a good idea to get back together. After not being in contact with you for a while, they must be wondering what the heck happened to you. You can also call your ex but I recommend you first build up some attraction using text messages and letter  before calling them.
You know your situation and your ex better than anyone, so it’s your decision whether or not you want to use just text messages, just the letter, or both. If used correctly, you can condition your ex to light up in excitement whenever they see a message from you. The reason why these everyday emails are so effective is because you get a small dose of inspiration, motivation and useful information every day.The no contact period is the most important part of the plan and with Part 5, you will get support during the no contact period. We use to hang out a lot together with this couple they have a daughter our daughter’s age.
Let him know that you think it’s best for you to not communicate with him as it will help the healing process and give you two the much needed space. Remember, ignoring him and doing no contact will be of no use if you don’t use the time to work on the issues that caused the breakup.
Talk therapy can help you uncover them and discover the true reasons for your unhappiness and inability to move on. He needs some time to himself and even if he was to leave her and come back to me he’d have to prove himself to me.
My friend was telling me the one that we use to hang out with as a couple she said he’s gone over her house to hang out with her bf and that when he see her daughter that’s our daughter’s age that he stares at her like he misses our daughter. But I know it’s hard since all the signs and everyone around you is saying that it will happen.


You would have asked him to fix the problem and you would have supported him in fixing the issue. A few days after the break up, I wrote him a letter appolising and asking if we could be friends (I think this was a bad idea to do this and I got no reply or anything from him). It's not going to work for every relationship - but this is the step I recommend people take if you want your ex back. The more confident a man feels that he can make you happy, the more take charge he'll become. And during this state of confusion, you are bound to make a lot of mistakes that will actually hurt your chances of getting back together.
I really love him and want to be with him, but I don’t understand why he is acting like this. Your instincts tell you that if you stay in contact with your ex, they will not forget about you and hopefully come back. And even if your ex came back because of this, do you really want them to be with you just because of pity?
And even if they do come back, they will leave shortly realizing they have no respect for you as a person. They have a huge hole in their life after breaking up with you which they are trying to fill with someone new. But in reality, if you don’t contact your ex, you will give them time to miss you more and they will be wondering all the time why you are not contacting them. If you think that talking to your ex will have you obsessing about them again, don’t answer their call. The alternative to no contact is being a creep and texting and stalking your ex all the time, which will probably lead to a restraining order against you. Yes, you need to grieve after a breakup and yes, there’s some benefit in spending some time alone, grieving and analyzing your relationship. Writing is therapeutic and it’s probably going to help you release all those emotions from inside.
Your friends and family are the people who are always there for you and who always love to spend time with you.
It’s absolutely imperative for you to get some perspective right now and meeting new people is the best way to do it. They will slowly start to forget that image of yours (the needy desperate one) and start remembering the things they liked about you. But I highly recommend you use either one or both of these before actually calling your ex. Anyways he said he asked his neighbor for 4 tickets (me,him and the couple) he said we should all go together and that sometimes this month.
I’ll suggest you continue no contact and send an apology text next week for being rude. I wouldn’t just take him back like nothing ever happened cause it did and there’s no denying that. In fact, it’s making you confused, draining your emotional and mental energy, and keeping you from moving on and growing in your life. Also I wrote in the letter that I was okay with his decision to break up, but I wasn't. Did they get back together, or do you know about anybody else who have used this with success?
When I first met my ex, I felt like I was pursuing him a bit because this is the way he approached me. It will be even better to tell my ex how this new person is totally wrong for them and what a big mistake they are making by being in a relationship with this _______(INSERT DEROGATORY REMARK). They will soon realize that a rebound relationship can not fill the emptiness and they will end the relationship. The most important thing for you to do right now is to realize that these mistakes will not help you get him or her back and stop doing them right away. And you need to calm down and analyze your relationship thoroughly to realize whether or not being with your ex is in your best interest. I didn’t sleep properly, didn’t eat properly, and I was just thinking about my ex girlfriend all day. That relationships is over and if you two do get back together, it will be a new relationship. Keep it short and let her know that you need time to deal with the breakup and maybe you can catch up with her sometime later.
If you told him to fix his drinking problem, and eight months later, he still comes home drunk and starts abusing you, would you still wait for him? Then we continued in email, I asked him again about what has gone wrong between us, to which he responded that it was mainly about HIM: he was too stressed about certain things in his life that had nothing to do with me. Since than i tried everything includinf suggesting to be friends and told him im over the break up and want my friend back.
And if you want to learn more about this, make sure you're signed up for email updates. We met working on a project, but to build off of our newfound friendship I attempted to flirt and create the opportunity for him to pursue me. So, just because they are in a rebound relationship doesn’t mean they will forget about you and move on. Move on to the next step of the plan which is going to repair all the damage you’ve caused till now. When you start being happy in life without your ex, you will realize whether or not getting your ex back is the right decision.
Not to mention, he didn’t have any time after the breakup just for himself, to learn more about himself and figure out what he really wants. I would prefer to do this via text as he ignores every call, and as soon as he sees me in person he gets as far away as possible. I have no idea really what to take from all this, i know that i may have smothered him to much in the relationship but at the time i did not know what i had been doing i do know that i some how contributed to this traumatic event. We dated for about a year and I thought he could have been the one - until recently when we hit a wall in communicating that I felt I had to end it (since then I've been educating myself through therapy and Mars Venus books!). And that is extremely important before you move on to the next step, which is contacting your ex. They will be thinking about what’s happening in your life and will want to call or text you to talk about it.
And I don’t suppose he has shown any guilt or remorse about cheating during the relationship.
Keep it light initially and if she is responding well, ask her out after a couple of days of texting. I just don't know want to say to him after this no contact period, or how to get him to want to talk to me. Then HE suggested that we should meet and discuss it, he will be happy to see me - but another month passed by and he didn't seem to be able to fit me in his extremely busy work schedule and stress and I indeed knew that they had something going on in the company. I'm pretty sure she slept with a guy she had been casually seeing from work the night before she never came home.
So after the friendship speech, he panicked and ended the conversation by saying lets keep it simple and move on. It means that they are having a hard time moving on and as long as they are in this rebound relationship, they can’t work on moving on with their life. So i decided to start a true limited contact ( since i hv to work with him daily), since than he called once for work purpose (i think) but didnt answer him, he asked once how i was doing ( i replied im gd only) he tried a few jokes, and we met at a friends wedding so he invited me to dance with our other friends but i declined. Maybe you’ll still WANT them, but there is a big difference between needing something and wanting something. I said to him, you can write to me whenever you want, but i think we have to move on first a bit and then we can maybe talk again, and maybe find eachother again..
What happened was, like I said, he gave me his number (without me asking for it) and said to contact him. Shall I pretend that I don't know anything and wait till he brings up that he already has somebody else, or shall I confront him? Then for our first date, from what I remember, I suggested that it would be nice to get to know eachother more. I pushed back this time and insisted that he should be the one asking me out, but he refused. Now I am close to 50 and I have never been so happy with a man than with him, in fact, he was the first one I could have imagined to grow old with, and he used to be also very happy and planning a wonderful life together. After that he became much more assertive and started asking me out and presenting me with ideas.
He later told me he wanted to ask me out but was just very nervous, so I decided not to dwell on it and just appreciate that it worked out despite how it happened.



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