Realizing and accepting this may be a very hard pill to swallow, but is essential for ones happiness. Our goal is to help you by delivering amazing quotes to bring inspiration, personal growth, love and happiness to your everyday life.
I grew up in Northern Idaho, where IQs are generally room temperature and it's socially acceptable to drink whiskey mixed with cough syrup for breakfast. We owned a stud named Toby (I say "stud" meaning a male horse meant for breeding - I'm not professing a repressed attraction to him or anything). Toby was a lonely horse; we had to keep him separate from the rest of the animals because he was always trying to have steamy horse sex with them.
One afternoon, I wound up inside of Toby's pen, probably doing some bullshit chore for my parents like sweeping up sticks or sawing something in half.
Looking into those big brown eyes that day, I saw a pure, unfiltered desire to get his rape on.
Now, as I mentioned earlier these horse pens were thick with feces, so it was difficult to run. Luckily I was in the part of the pen where the mud wasn't deep, so I could at least manage a fumbling jog.
I tried to climb through but in my panic I touched one of the tension coils on the fence that kept the wire taught along the property line.
This fence was electric and set at a voltage that could knock down an elephant, so when I grounded myself I got blasted with a shock that rendered me temporarily stunned. Fortunately I was jolted forward into the electric fence rather than backwards into the horse boner that was surging forward at 100 miles per hour. After a few more 20,000 volt shocks I managed to stumble into the opposing pen, half electrocuted but thankfully still a virgin to trans-species sex.


As for Toby, he continued to stare at me from his side of the fence, his aircraft-carrier-sized boner twinkling in the morning sun. I could see an undercurrent of sadness in his eyes, trickling somewhere below that massive desire to do some raping. This meant they would run at full speed into the fence, break through, and then go roaming around the forest all night. I was on top of PorkBag sitting in the saddle, lightly "encouraging" the horse to move by prodding, pulling, screaming, and flailing the reins. We didn't ride the horses often so they were overweight, not to mention being arrogant little assholes who didn't respond to direction. Approximately ten feet later, PorkBag stopped, leaned against the trunk of a large tree, and stood motionless. Crushing my leg between her fat thighs and the tree, this was how she planned to get me off her back. We sat there together, me in terrible pain and PorkBag quite content with not having to move. If you imagine a horse as a giant steak with hair, they're actually kind of pleasant to look at.
Eyes wide open, its limbs had been chopped off and his gaping mouth produced a twisted tongue which dangled on the side of his face. The result was a bleeding, horrific stump of a creature who stared wide-eyed outward, frozen in the final moments of its demise. Despite incurring a bit of childhood trauma, seeing that animal in stump form made me aware of the sheer volume of meat on a horse.
It's a large, muscular animal ripe for being turned into an enchanting HorseLoaf sandwich or McHorse with cheese.


We're talking about at an entirely untapped market of delicious protein available for the taking. Buy some shirts, posters, or mugs from my shop so I can afford to wear pants made entirely out of rubies and koala meat. Don't bother reserving a space in your heart for someone who doesn't make an effort to stay. If you are one of many of us in the world, and havent found or ever been in what you may consider true love, do not worry because you are not alone. As we grow older, some of us may notice that people that we thought would be in our lives forever arent there anymore, and as different newcomers enter into our lives the people that we once knew dont seem to be around. My family moved there from California when I was seven and decided to buy a couple horses in order to embrace the Idahoan lifestyle.
So much, in fact, that after a few years I started referring to them as "the pigs." They consumed hay, mostly, which comes in bale form and weighs anywhere from 50-100 lbs per bale.
Missing someone, especially someone that we love dearly but cant be with like we would like to, is a difficult part of life that we all have to deal with. In order for a relationship to be excessively great it is important to find someone that gives you the confidence and support to succeed in life. Awesome in the "big bang exploding outward in universally cosmic proportions" way, not awesome in the "fuck yeah scented candles are awesome" kind of way.



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