I've learned some things during my over 50 dating years, and hope some of those lessons are of help to people my age -- men AND women (and yes, next column will be advice for women, as foolish as that may seem to some readers coming from such an uncommitted cad as I).
Most of the critical comments zeroed in on how many dates I've had and not on the fact that I was being quite critical of men who are selfish and egotistical and not appreciative of women. When I finally started to date because I felt that at 16 and 13 the kids were old enough to deal with it, I put a toe in the water.
And yes, I discovered along the way that I love meeting new people, I love hearing life stories, I love women (I knew that before turning 50). I know what it's like to raise kids alone, I know that these women have sacrificed professional lives and friendships and social and financial benefits others have enjoyed. After all, the vast majority of men and women on these dating sites had been in long-term marriages. We used to aspire to and admire people who spent decades at one company until we realized that such a career might signal stagnancy more than achievement, and that such loyalty was rarely rewarded by their employers.


If you're "alone," you must be either a social pariah, (Ted Kaczynski, the Unabomber), or terribly, terribly pathetic and sad and unable to maintain a relationship. People over 50 seem to understand the need for private time, but are baffled by the concept that someone wouldn't want to be in a relationship.
Everything in our culture makes people, and women in particular, feel that after the age of 40, they're no longer sexually attractive, and this belief gets internalized.
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I got divorced 20 years ago and after a three-year, three-state child custody battle that cost more -- financially and emotionally -- than one can imagine, I got sole custody of my then 11- and 8-year-old children. As a single dad, and I mean a really single dad -- no child support, no au pairs (the whole concept of which is bizarre to me, and I couldn't afford a babysitter, much less an au pair!) -- I genuinely empathize with older women who feel they have being rowing the boat alone.


But researcher Gina Ogden, in conducting her famed Isis study (a national survey of sexuality and spirituality), found that women in their 60s and 70s were having the best sex of their lives -- people need to understand that the brain is the most important sex organ in the body! But please keep in mind that reporting images that are not abusive is against our terms of service and can get your account blocked. The South African beauty poses for Victor Demarchelier in the studio wearing a mix of swimwear and ready-to-wear separates styled by Katie Mossman.
I was busy raising these fabulous kids (the best thing I've ever done) and laser-focused on that and only that. I don't know that doing one thing for years or being with one person for years is necessarily for everyone.



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