Disclaimer: Ladies, this list is written for the fellas, but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t still read it.
Valentine’s Day is right around the corner, and if you have a girl, usually that means you’ll have to watch some bullshit piece-of-shit movie with her after dinner while waiting for your food to go down so you can fuck. This is most likely suitable for a girl who considers herself a fan of ‘dark, interesting indie films’.
This will become her favorite movie for a little while, and you’ll have been the guy who caused that.
Eva Green has one of those beautiful bodies that feels completely real and not at all ‘Hollywood’—a body you might remember from an ex or something.
Michael Pitt and Louis Garrel look like male models or whatever, and ordinarily that might make you feel disappointed about your own body (or make her feel disappointed in your body) but they spend the whole damn movie walking around with small, limp dicks, so it doesn’t matter. The only problem with this movie is that it’s gonna make your girl want to fuck you on her period even more than she probably already does. This would also be good to watch with a girl who always demands to watch ‘something recent’. Speaking of old stuff that is good, this is one of the best god damn foreign comedies ever.
This entry was posted in All Posts, Cody's Lists and tagged 3-iron, 3-iron (2004), 3-iron movie, actually good romance movies, aki kaurismaki, best films to watch on valentine's day, buffalo 66, cabin boy, cody clarke, dreamers, films to watch on valentine's day, good films to watch on valentine's day, good romance movies, marriage italian style, marriage italian style 1964, marriage italian style movie, movies to watch on valentine's day, movies to watch on valentine's day list, movies to watch on valentine's day with your boyfriend, my boyfriend's back, my boyfriends back movie, never again, never again movie, never again movie review, romance, romantic, shadows in paradise, shadows in paradise 1986, smug film, smugfilm, the dreamers 2003, the dreamers movie, top films to watch on valentine's day, valentine's day, valentine's day movies, valentine's day movies list, vincent gallo, wanderlust, wanderlust movie, wanderlust movie review, wedding singer. If there’s anyone out there ridiculous enough to get Kevin Dillon (Entourage) confused with Steve McQueen, who starred in the original 1958 version of this film, then they deserve to get turned into goop by the scariest pink thing in cinema. The Weinstein Company’s Escape From Planet Earth could have been a really great movie, had more than the base amount of attention been paid to the animation, the script, the jokes, the acting, or the plot in general. The Reelz miniseries Delete imagines a world that has been taken over by the same evil faceless electronic singularity that has been coming after humans since HAL 9000, and probably before.
This Terranoa documentary series focuses on animals that have been or are currently endangered. Stomping the latest in sci-fi and real science, Giant Freakin Robot is the place to be for everyone with an eye on the future.
Totally still read it, and basically just choose whatever movie on here seems most up your alley, and make your guy procure it. The apostrophes are there because honestly, if she’s truly a fan of that sorta thing, she’s definitely already seen this one. A girl who delights in the flatly delivered non-jokes in Wes Anderson movies (not knocking him, I swear—I’m a big fan of all his work except Moonrise Kingdom) and loves the original, British version of The Office and not the horrible, ‘Noah’s Arcade presents Wayne’s World’-esque American version.
When you bust out your very hard and very real cock later, she’ll forgive you for not being as thin or attractive as them.
It kinda never found its proper home, because 90‘s campy horror hasn’t yet received a resurgence quite like 80‘s campy horror did.
Especially since although so much about it is corny and fun to both laugh at and laugh with, it really does have a strong emotional core.
Bill Duke (from Predator!) Peter Dinklage (from Game of Thrones!) and Michael McKean (from everything ever!) all make appearances. One of those chicks with some weird-ass wall up in her heart, preventing movies from ever causing her to really feel some shit, other than laughter.
If you have a girl who appreciates foreign stuff, and funny stuff, and older stuff, y’all lovebirds owe it to yourselves to watch this movie together. What I mean is, this is for if your girl absolutely insists you and her watch something she’s already seen a million times already. Brendan Fraser plays an alien sent to Earth on a dangerous mission, and his brother Gary (Rob Corddry) is sent to save him after he gets captured by an evil Area 51 general, Shanker (William Shatner). Essentially a cross between a good Syfy movie and a bad feature, this flick sports a whole slew of smart people who can’t figure out why technology is literally blowing up in their hands, but one reporter and one hacker are definitely the people who are going to save the world.


Here, Missy’s (Traci Lind) boyfriend Johnny (Andrew Lowery) dies and then comes back and has a hell of a time coping with it, and much of it has to do with trying not to look like a leper. In it, he referred to a plethora of horror and sci-fi films from the genres’ beginnings, including appearances from each of his past (and planned) films, including Mimic and Hellboy. And the only reason she wants to watch one of those is because at certain points, they make her feel warm and fuzzy. The only girls who haven’t are the ones who only think they like that kind of stuff, and actually haven’t delved too far into it at all. She likes reading, whether it be books or the New York Times or subtitles, and will love the fact that she’s watching a foreign film on Valentine’s Day—not to mention one from a country (Finland) that doesn’t export too many films, to boot. So if you’re vehemently against the idea of a period sex, don’t watch this movie with her, because she’ll definitely hound you next time she’s on the rag. But if your girl is one of those girls that loves cheesy 80’s movies or whatever, she’ll definitely like this. Is that all she fucking ever wants to fucking watch, despite y’all having re-watched it like a million times already? This is a hell of a romantic comedy that unfortunately slipped through the cracks, due to the fact that it is about grown folks falling in love and not ‘hot’ young people.
This one is laughs-a-plenty, and although it’s about a married couple, and is technically kind of a romantic story, there’s really nothing particularly ‘romantic’ about them. When you suggest this movie to her, she’ll definitely not have seen it, because for some weird reason, absolutely no one has seen this hilarious movie. So Spencer puts it on and gets some superpowers, only to realize there are more bad guys to fight than just a bully (named Turbo).
Matt Frewer (Orphan Black) and Seth Green (Robot Chicken) can’t even save this one from the instantly forgotten pile. Believe it or not, this is arguably the most enjoyable film listed so far, and not only because one has so few expectations going into it. Early roles for Philip Seymour Hoffman and Matthew Fox are to be enjoyed, even if they’re the main attractions. She overlooks all the poisonous, vapid aspects simply because it hits a few notes she wants hit. So you’ll have to read my descriptions for each and see if the girl I describe as one who might like it sounds similar to the girl you are currently faithful to. If that sounds like your girl, Buffalo ’66 is probably the best possible gateway movie for her, because it has a hard outer shell but a sweet, romantic center. It helps them forget for a brief moment that you are a man, and as such, given the opportunity, would fuck anyone from Diane Sawyer to Ke$ha.
It will make her feel worldly and aware, and you’ll have caused this ego boost, which will make her think a little more highly of you as well.
Here’s a beautiful romance that you and her can be genuinely affected by, and maybe even cry together over, before you have tender sexytimes. She’s so gorgeous that people just assume she’s a bad actress, since they’ve never seen her in anything and just have heard her name and seen her lovely face and cartoonish body or whatever.
Sure most of the jokes fall flat, but Sandler and Barrymore have great chemistry, and honestly, the third act is insanely well-constructed.
It alternates between sharp and slow, but excels in carving an original story out of the genre inspirations that came before it. It takes you unusual places you’ve never been before, but gets you home in one piece and feeling happy. Her confidence boost will pay off well for you in the bedroom later, because she’ll treat it like a performance—like she’s the star of her own NC-17 movie.
It’s extremely unpredictable, and doesn’t rely on any tear-jerker romance cliches, and will truly remind you how much y’all love each other—that is, if you do love each other. If this is just some ‘for now’ chick you’re with, don’t you dare show her this movie, because if you do, she’s gonna start thinking you have real feelings for her, dude.


But seriously dude, I’d watch it when it comes to crying around your little underage runaway live-in whore. However, I should warn you that the opening song is pretty annoying, and some of the other music in it is annoying as well.
By the way, if you have any other ideas of good Valentine’s Day movies, leave them in the comments section. Plus, it has what would nowadays be considered an Instagram-y look to it, which your fake-dark girl will probably like, since she probably uses that fucking shit. It’ll soon pass, and before you know it, she’ll be back to wetting her side of the couch over Magic Mike.
Because if this girl is anything like I think she is, she’s probably perpetually thinking about breaking up with you.
You know better than I do if she’s a freak or not, but basically, I’d say a good rule of thumb is that if she truly loves to sixty-nine, and y’all do that shit very regularly, she’ll very much dig this movie.
Ignore that shit, because other than that, it’s really quite solid, and definitely relatable no matter your age. By the way, if your girl loves the movie Moonstruck (all the good ones do) she’ll definitely dig this one. And he plays opposite the late great Jill Clayburgh, a tremendous actress that is so insanely charming here that you will want to have sex with a 50-year-old woman immediately.
I love Jennifer Aniston!” and then you’ll watch it, and you’ll both enjoy it, and then afterwards you’ll have what for you will be empty sex, because you know deep down you can never respect someone so fucking dismissive of anything that isn’t current. Same kinda ‘Italian families are crazy and lovely’ vibe, but the storytelling is way better. And the last thing you need to see as you’re about to bring your axe down upon her neck is a look of genuine heartache.
You’ve got enough on your plate without having those soul-broken eyes tattooed in your mind, you know?
And if she’s this dismissive to romance in movies, just think how dismissive this bitch is gonna be when you start having real conversations about how you feel about each other? It’ll feel great because for one thing, you’ll be having pleasure she’s not in control of, and two, because you know she’d hate the fact that the porn was so old, and would totally make fun of their body hair and styles and not at all realize that the composition and lighting and vibe is fantastic. She knows her pussy is average at best, so she’s a bitch when not fucking you in order to make her pussy seem of a higher quality than it is. Dump her and go out with fake-dark chick instead, who for the record has a great pussy, and sucks a mean dick. So if you’re gonna cry during this movie, excuse yourself to the bathroom and do it with the faucet on. But dump her only after you’ve turned her onto this movie (and its filmmaker, Aki Kaurismaki) because that way, after you’ve split, she’ll have regrets and think that maybe she was wrong about you, and that maybe you were smarter and more knowledgable than she gave you credit for, and this realization might possibly one day cause her to wake up and realize that the reason her life sucks is because she makes it suck, and that if she wants a better life she should probably stop being so sucky all the goddamn time. But seriously, just break up with her and date a girl who already loves this film and already loves all sorts of other great films and doesn’t use Instagram.
Girls who already have immaculate taste before they meet you are pretty rare, and are almost always crazy. Search the names of top-tier indie or foreign movies, or their directors, on OkCupid, and see the kind of psycho chicks that come up.
It’s best to just stick with your non-crazy girl with lackluster film knowledge, and properly educate her over time.



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Comments to «My boyfriends back 2013 results»

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