In fact, my heart sinks when a new female client tells me her a€?friends have been wonderfula€™ because time and time again, while she thinks theya€™ve been helping her save her relationship, theya€™ve been fanning the flames or even throwing petrol on the fire. Charlotte, 48, who chairs the board of governors at a school in Kent, sought my help when her husband David, 47, announced out of the blue that he didna€™t love her any more, saw no future in their marriage and wanted to rent a flat in the next town, away from her and their three children. Her friends hadna€™t been so understanding: they just matched her initial outrage and told her she should return the shoes.
One problem with confiding in friends about your marital problems is that you often give them a very one-sided account of the situation a€” and thus get a skewed response.
This does not excuse Mikea€™s behaviour, but it makes the situation less black and white a€” and soaking up so much feminine sympathy was making it harder for Katie to consider her husbanda€™s feelings. When Katie was having a trial separation from Mike, her friends encouraged her to a€?get out morea€™ and when she met someone online a€?to go for ita€™.
The views expressed in the contents above are those of our users and do not necessarily reflect the views of MailOnline. Here are some important safety tips and dating online advice to help you stay safe as you pursue true love online. Always Listen to Your GutThe very top tip when it comes to dating online advice that you must remember is to always, always, always, listen to your gut.Your body makes you have gut feelings for a reason - it's the way you were made and it is a natural survival instinct that you have to protect yourself. Meet for the First Time in Public and Away from Your HomeAnother important tip for safety when you're looking for true love online is to meet for the first time in public and away from your home. Avoid Drinking AlcoholAvoid drinking alcohol when you go out with someone from the web for the very first time. Let a Few People Know Where You'll Be and Who You'll Be WithLast of all, it's a good idea to let a few people know where you'll be and who you'll be with.
She hadna€™t yet done that, and as we talked she admitted that it would escalate the problem, so instead she decided to discuss it with her husband.Thata€™s what she did, he apologised and they were beginning to communicate better. That was the case with Katie, 32, a teaching assistant from Berkshire, who came to see me with her husband Mike, 36, as they tried to rebuild their relationship after she discovered he was having an affair.
Whether you are a guy or a gal, this is an important piece of dating online advice you need to keep in mind.


Give them the exact address of where you'll be and consider setting up a time where you call them and check in with them so that they know you are safe. However, after almost 30 years working as a marital therapist, Ia€™ve become convinced that, while men dona€™t have enough friends or emotional support, women can have far too many and too much. One of the main problems of off-loading our problems on to friends is they love you and want the best for you. I also dona€™t have to pick up the pieces after a a€?well-meaninga€™ friend has criticised their attempts to keep their marriage together or, conversely, told them they were not fighting hard enough to save it. When your gut tells you something is wrong, pay attention and, depending on what the red flag is telling you, make an immediate adjustment.
Before you get to know them in person, you should choose a public place where there are other people so you feel safe and comfortable.
Take this piece of dating online advice and make sure you just avoid the alcohol altogether for the first date with someone you've met on the web.Don't Just Assume the Person is SafeYou should never just assume the person is safe. He knows I dona€™t approve and hea€™d have been the first to complain if I got her a small top or anything else he considered inappropriate, but since wea€™ve separated, hea€™ll do anything to curry favour.a€™When Charlotte finished cataloguing the ways her husband had let her down, I asked her to reflect on why he might have behaved like this. However, a few weeks later, she discovered her husband was using their temporary separation not to a€?get his head straighta€™, as he had told her, but to date another woman.
What Katie had omitted to mention to her friends is that, since her second child was born three years ago, she and Mike had had sex only twice. So if youa€™re in a lot of pain, theya€™ll try to make you feel better quickly.A  So they promote a€?silver-bulleta€™ solutions (which will magic the problem away) or create a sense that a€?something must be donea€™ when often youa€™d be better off doing nothing. Soon ita€™s become a race to the bottom.Just for a second, put your feelings to one side and step in your partnera€™s shoes. But, while there are countless times when Ia€™m tempted to advise female clients to speak less to their friends, I hold my tongue, as my job is to support people and hold up a mirror to their choices, rather than tell them what to do.All the same, there are times when I want to put my head in my hands a€” like when I met Samantha, 48, who lives in London and is a legal assistant. Even if you already feel extremely connected to that person and you feel pretty smitten, you can't just assume that the person is safe, man or woman. How does your relationship look now and what would you like to do differently?Make a full apology.


When she and her husband, Terry, 49, wanted different things in the bedroom, she had confided in a woman whom she thought was a friend. Later you can share your address when you feel more comfortable with the person and know more about them. If you want to find that special person in your life, keep these safety tips in mind to find true love in a safe way. When her internet trawl discovered new evidence about her rival, she would call friends at all hours.
By the time Ia€™d put them to bed and tidied, the last thing I had wanted was sex,a€™ she said. First, acknowledge any behaviour that you regret; next, identify how this might have made him feel, and then apologise.
Unfortunately, going over all the minutiae with your friends is more likely to pump up your distress, make you feel angrier and betrayed, and more likely to fire off a late-night text or email a€” as it did with Charlotte. Please dona€™t explain why you acted as you did a€” thata€™s for another day a€” because it can sound like an excuse and lessen the power of your apology.Be the big one.
Not long afterwards, I discovered that she and Terry were having an affair and Ia€™d inadvertently given her the keys to turn his head.a€™Unsurprisingly, Samantha fell out with her once-close friend a€” but it didna€™t stop her confiding in others to get her through the difficult months. If you love your husband a€” and if not, why are you spending hours talking about him to your girlfriends a€” do you love him enough to give without any expectation (in the short term) of getting anything back?
She valued their support and turned to them when Terry decided hea€™d made a mistake and begged for a second chance.
Thata€™s when she realised that even though we think friends will give independent advice and a€?tell it like it isa€™, they often have their own agendas, too.




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