Trying to change anger or jealousy once you are in the emotion is like trying to control a car skidding on ice. 1) Recovering personal power so that you can get control of your emotions and refrain from the reactive behavior.
5) Develop control over your attention so you can consciously choose what story plays in your mind and what emotions you feel. By practicing a few simple exercises you can step back from the story your mind is projecting and refrain from the emotional reaction. One of the steps to changing a behavior is to see how we actually create the emotion of anger or jealousy from the images, beliefs, and assumptions, in our mind. If you are in a relationship with a jealous partner, and they want you to change your behavior to prevent the jealousy then they are not taking responsibility. In order to overcome the emotion generated from his Hidden False Image, he focuses on his perceived positive qualities. The Hidden Image beliefs become the triggers of unhappiness while the Projected Image triggers more pleasant emotions.
The man is operating from the false belief that he is happier because of a woman’s attention and love. The man attempts to get and control the woman’s attention so that the Projected Image beliefs are active.
One of the mechanisms we learn early in life is to control other people’s attention and behavior through the emotion of anger.
After a jealousy and anger incident, there is an opportunity to look at and analyze the events. The man has gone through an array of emotions and self images in his mind, usually very quickly. The principle problem in the analysis is that the man studies the events from the point of view of judgment.
He can not be in Emotional Integrity as long as he associates his identity with one or more conflicting images in his mind. When one looks at the behavior of jealousy and anger as a means to control and keep someone, the behavior doesn’t make sense. Changing beliefs, emotional reactions, and destructive behaviors is through mastering your point of view, attention, and dissolving the false beliefs in your mind.
If you have enough desire to change a jealous and angry behavior you will eventually have to do more than study the problem.
Overcoming Insecurity and Low Self Esteem - How the Image of perfection creates this emotion and simple beginning steps to change. This will give you a gap of time in which to refrain from a jealous or angry reaction and do something else. In order to eliminate the insecurity and low self esteem we don’t have to change, we just have to change our belief in the false self image.
With only this information the Inner Judge is likely to abuse us with criticism for what we are doing. This step not only allows us to take responsibility, but taking responsibility for our emotions also puts us in a position of power to change them.
If you are seeking to overcome jealousy it is likely that you already know the dynamics that I describe.
I refer to various images in the mind and you can use the diagram below for reference, or see the Relationship Matrix page for a more detailed description of these images. Often the qualities are considered positive as a result of the assumption that women are attracted to them.

It only appears this way because he is noticing the woman's relationship to his emotional state. When he imagines that her attention is on someone or something other than himself, he reacts with fear.
Anger also works as a punishment with the result of inflicting emotional pain on the woman. Accepting and believing this judgment, results in the man feeling unworthy, guilt, and shame.
Often the process happens so fast that he is not aware of what the mind and belief system has done.
Even when the man pulls off being the perfect Projected Image, the Hidden Image beliefs will have part of him feeling like a fraud. The man’s efforts at controlling his emotion will have him continually on guard against an outburst of jealousy and anger.
Building strong positive beliefs and a positive self image can help to diminish the reaction side, but to a limited extent. When you learn to shift your Point of View you can literally move your self out of a Belief and out of an emotion. While some people assume this may be hard, it is only challenging because most people have not learned the skills necessary to change a belief. The Inner Judge might use this information to take us on an emotional downward spiral to further insecurity.
This description may help fill in some gaps of how the mind twists knowledge into self judgment and reinforces low self esteem and insecurity.
With the belief that this false image is him, rather than an image in his mind, the man creates self rejection in his mind. These are only triggers that activate the man’s mind towards certain beliefs, self acceptance, and love.
Often the man doesn't realize that she is just an emotional trigger for his mind to express love. His emotion of unworthiness and unhappiness follows his paradigm of beliefs and point of view. By punishing the woman with anger the woman may change her behavior in order to avoid emotional punishment in the future. The woman will withdraw from him because of her tendency to avoid the emotionally unpleasant.
The Inner judge does not assess the role of the Belief System, False Images, or the Point of View. Also, the denial system pushes his mind toward not acknowledging the Hidden Image as that would be too painful emotionally. Being perfect may compensate at times, but the feeling of unworthiness will seep through until the Hidden image is dealt with.
It is a patch that can help for some but still bases identity in a false image and not in authenticity and integrity. The man in the situation can often look at his own behavior and see that it doesn’t make sense. For real lasting change you will need develop skills to dissolve the beliefs and false self images and gain control of what your mind projects. This intellectual understanding can help develop awareness to see these dynamics in the moment you are doing them. The emotional result of self rejection is a feeling of unworthiness, insecurity, fear, and unhappiness.

The emotional result of a positive self image is no self rejection and no feeling of unworthiness. The strengthened belief in the Projected Image results in more self acceptance, love, and happiness in his emotional state. He may not have formed other triggers for expressing his own acceptance and love so he is dependent on a woman for a trigger. The majority of the fear is about avoiding the emotional pain he creates in his mind with the Hidden Image. He is not aware that it is the expression of love and acceptance that is the means to change his emotional state.
The man is at the mercy of forces in his mind that he has not been trained to see and deal with.
Because of the multiple elements of the reaction it is easy to miss critical elements such as point of view and assumptions of how emotion is created. This point of view reinforces the Hidden Image, and the Projected Image beliefs which are part of the core cause. This feeling of fear not only wears on a person, but represses emotion and doesn’t allow for feeling authentic Love and Happiness. It does not do anything to address the emotions that come from the Hidden Images or beliefs of unworthiness that are at the core of the behavior. If we are to change our behavior, we must address these fundamental elements in a manner different than plain intellect and logic.
In this way we learned early in life to use anger as a means to control other people’s attention, and as a punishment to control behavior.
Based on the Projected Image standard he can only conclude he is a failure and not good enough. With awareness of these forces and some specific practice he can begin to get control over his emotional state. Missing these critical elements distorts our conclusions and makes our efforts to change ineffective. The very part of our mind that is doing the analysis is actually reinforcing the core causes. The more success and recognition he receives that fits the Projected Image, the more pronounced the Hidden Image push up doubts in his mind. These often become buried in the sub-conscious and resurface later during times of stress when they are most destructive, and we are least able to deal with them. Yet seeing the result and knowing this intellectually does not change the dynamics of his behavior. Session 1 and 2 are free sessions and should lend insight into how the mind works to create emotions. Notice that he has not changed, he is just holding on to a different image in his mind depending on the moment. The Inner Judge will use intellect and logic to create judgments and reinforce the existing false beliefs. Session 1 and 2 also give you excellent exercises to recover some personal power and begin shifting your emotions.

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