Four words, four little words can be the difference between having a relationship or being in the friend zone forever. In my time here building Ex Boyfriend Recovery I have received close to 300 emails from different women, all with unique stories about their boyfriends and breakups.
There seems to be a common misunderstanding that getting out of the friend zone is essentially the same thing as getting a boyfriend back. If you are looking for something a little more in-depth that can give you the full steps to getting a boyfriend back then I would like to point you towards Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO, my ebook.
I am going to tell you something that almost everyone else out there is afraid to tell you. Why am I telling you this?Want to Know EXACTLY How Likely You Are to Get Your ExBoyfriend Back, in Only 2 Minutes? Because I want you to prepare yourself mentally for the possibility that you may not get him back. Make no mistake about it, I know what it is like to have feelings for someone and not be able to do anything about it.
Since we are talking about ex boyfriends here you do have a certain advantage on your side. If this is going to work there are a certain amount of sacrifices that you are going to have to make.
The following quotation is a comment I received yesterday from a woman who has been actively freezing her ex boyfriend out using the no contact rule! They have put their ex in an uncomfortable corner where he would no longer respond to their texts or calls.
You see, for three days I was on the edge of my seat waiting for the call or text, almost expecting it. IMPORTANT- In order for the methods below to work to their fullest extent you must have implemented a 30 day no contact rule. This section is extremely important because it is going to teach you how your conversations should go with your ex.
The nice way to end a conversation with your ex is to start the conversation with him, hook him in the conversation. My name is Chris, and I help millions of women per year improve themselves, and get back with their ex boyfriends to finally have the life they dreamed of. When I say that I am also planning a get away for few days then the immediate response I get is with whom.
I haven’t yet broken up with my boyfriend as he still has not given me enough ground to do that, hence not yet started with the no contact rule. As we do share a professional relationship as well should it be a good thing of agreeing to just a professional relationship rather than agreeing to being friends.
And I reply him “I finally bought a new jeans that we’ve talked about months ago!
Because he knows that I need new pants and he knows that the pants are expensive and months later,I can finally afford it. You have to start to build a new life apart from her to gain balance and also to have to have to attract her back.
I accepted a place at a university in a different city and through Facebook was able to find my roommates for the coming September. Recently I was talking with someone who was like a broken woman consumed with thoughts of her ex morning, noon, and night. No Contact is initially about not making or accepting contact, but it also provides the space to not only grieve the loss of the relationship, but to focus your energy elsewhere and begin rebuilding your life. Experience has taught me that the more you try not to think about something, is the more likely you are to, and then you’ll stress yourself further about the fact that you are in fact thinking about it and what you think thinking about it means, and then often react off the back of it.
Back in October 2010, when I was told to cut out wheat in an effort to reduce tinnitus and vertigo, after initially thinking it was going to be fine and then discovering that wheat is in many things, I went on a serious moan-a-thon. After a while, mostly because I was wearing down my own last nerve and probably those of the boyf, I began putting effort into finding alternatives, discovering places to eat with varied menus, and making myself food that I enjoy. Yes I had to avoid wheat, but I was making my life about avoiding wheat instead of focusing on improving my health. To go to the trouble of devoting your energies and attention to not thinking about someone and then obsessing about the fact that you’re thinking about them, is actually just another convoluted way of giving them more attention and remaining invested. 3) If you have thoughts but you’re still active in the conscious, life will happen to gradually replace them. One other thing that has helped me was to sit and make a list of any one who hurt me through my life. Yep that was me at one time, he was my only thought every waking moment of my life and it WAS exhausting, my head felt like a bee buzzing in it all the time. Yes I still think of him every so often but now a days the anxiety producing thoughts have been replaced with remembering the better years we had.
I remember in the early weeks of him disappearing on me when I could not sleep until I became so exhausted I couldn’t get up on time for work, I had headaches due to over thinking and lack of sleep. On a positive note each day I think less and I think about different things in different ways.
With me, the amount of time appears to be inversely proportional to the time spent getting over them.
We replay and replay the relationship, looking for clues that we meant something to him, that he really is a nice guy under it all, he didn’t know what he was doing etc etc.
I get it, it took me decades to accept that the way I was treated by my mother was cruel and abusive. When you are stuck, sometimes the only way forward is to accept what you really don’t want to accept. He was a very subtle person, with perfect manners, and there wasnt any obvious outrageous behaviour.
All this to say, one year later I RARELY think of him and when I do, I feel a great sense of relief that it is over. Sympathy, though, dreams are the worst ever – they are the unkindest and most unhelpful thing that my body has ever done to me and I seriously fell out with my subconscious at various points because I couldn’t believe it could be so MEAN!!!
Natalie, this is amazing that this came in just today when I had such a bad day after feeling that I had been doing better than expected.I wondered why suddenly today I felt so bad and it was so reassuring to read in your article that that does not mean I am going backwards but is a way the brain is processing.
What does help me is to plan out things to do in my free time., and I like to remind myself at end of day the things that I accomplished during the day and that makes me feel good because I am assuring myself that I did not have a lonely depressed do-nothing day. In the mornings when I drive to work I like to say aloud the many things that I am thankful for… makes me feel good.
It came to a point where it was almost impossible to focus on doing anything, which was sapping all my energy. I eventually bought an iPod music player and started listening to music all day to override my thoughts and squeeze out the silence which facilitated this mega-over-thinking and analysing the crapola out of everything.
I’ve been involved with unavailables before, but this was my first assclown and hopefully my last!
Imagine a bible that is full of text messages deconstructing everything you need to say through texts to get your ex boyfriend back. If you are an avid reader of this site then you have probably already realized that there is a certain framework that I use for getting your ex back. No face to face confrontations for 30 days becomes minimal face to face contact for 30 days.
So, I am going to take a moment to dissect the changes we just made to the no contact rule. The original no contact rule clearly states that you should have no contact with your ex at all for at least 30 days. The ONLY time that you should initiate a texting conversation or call is if there is an important discussion that has to happen because of your kids.
If he steers the conversation towards you or your relationship after asking about the children do not fall into that trap. Originally in the no contact rule there is to be no face to face contact for at least 30 days. When you have to talk to your ex make sure that you smile and are as attractive as possible. You get too overemotional so when it is time to finally make your move things don’t tend to go well. A confident man who is charming, has good posture and can string a sentence together without shaking? Social proof is a concept that I learned from probably the sleaziest of men, pickup artists. The best way I could describe social proof would be to take the example of that waitress going around talking to other guys in the bar.
If you can find a way to get social proof from other men and show it to your ex in a non confrontational way then you can bet that your value will raise in his eyes. Alright, so lets do a quick recap of what we have discussed so far so that we make sure we are all on the same page here.
The mistake I see time and time again when it comes to opening the conversation with an ex boyfriend is the temptation to use your kids to do so. Another common mistake I see is the failure to realize that just getting a response from an ex at the beginning isn’t good enough.
There are a lot of factors that go into getting a positive response from a text message you send. Usually, (though not all the time) if your ex is responding in a positive way to all of your text messages that means he is very interested in what you are saying and it could be a way of determining that he is thinking about reuniting with you or the idea is at least in his mind. If you are getting too many of these types of responses I want you to STOP EVERYTHING FOR A MINUTE. I think you really need to talk since it’s for your daughter, then it depends on that talk what your next actions would be.
He is also picking and choosing when he sees his son and it’s making me feel rubbish!
Being physically attractive depends on how you carry yourself and what you feel about yourself.. My boyfriend and i were going out for 2 and a half years i have 3 kids that are not his but who consider him dad and he still consider them his.
So, this new version of the page is going to focus a lot about how YOU can get out of the friend zone if you have been placed there by an ex.
It’s a place that we have all put someone in the past and a place that we never want to be. You see, in the example I gave above (where I asked the girl to the dance) I was at a disadvantage because the girl had no romantic feelings for me at all. These sacrifices won’t be easy and even as I write these words I am sure that 90% of the people reading this page will fail to do them. You know, that little rule that says you can’t talk to your ex in any way shape or form for 30 days? It was exciting to be left in suspense like that but all the excitement left the moment my hypothesis was confirmed and she texted. I actually wrote an entire section in The Texting Bible outlining the benefits of texting vs. One method will be for women whose ex boyfriends have contacted them during the no contact period and the other method is for women whose boyfriends didn’t. Anyways, the point of all this is that it probably won’t take a lot to get your ex to respond to your first contact text. Your text needs to have substance and it needs to force him to reach back in his mind and think of something positive.


So, how do you get him to respond to a text message when deep down you have a feeling that he wants nothing to do with you.
However, our main objective is just to get him to engage in a text messaging conversation with you because it is a sign that he is interested in what you have to say. However, the probability that you will get a response is very high so make sure you have something prepared.
I would actually wait one hour from the moment that he responds before you respond to his text messages. While I plan on going as indepth as I can here nothing will ever compare to the detail that I use in the bible here. The thing about men is that a certain part of their attraction towards women is very predictable.
You just become something that he can’t have by dominating every texting conversation you have with him.
You get engaged in a conversation with your ex, you get to the hooking point of the conversation and then you end the conversation abruptly making him want more.
For one, he is going to be checking his phone multiple times, which will reinforce to him that you are important. I have stopped calling and messaging myself, instead I get calls from him everyday to which I talk normally. How do I myself not become insecure and instead start with the chase game and be a mental challenge to him, as, if I am not wrong then men need that mental challenge.
Its like as if he is saying I want to try someone else to know your value and he is asking permission from me for that so that he is never termed as a cheater.
It feels like he wants to move out and try and be with the other girl but also wants to keep me as a backup option. Should i go ahead and say that ” i cant negate my feelings from being in a relationship to being just friends? Will behaving like i dont give a damn and dont care for you at all will leave an impression that I am egoistic mean and the care i used to show previously was fake to my ex boyfriend? Lately he has started feeling we cannot have a future together as I am not single as I have a kid from first marriage and there will be a strong resistance from people who are his family. We got together when he was graduating from university and he wanted to take a break before looking into a job in his field. DO no contact and build your own life to give you chance that he may see you in a new light. So I have read through these pages and I feel as though my situation deviates slightly from the examples given. What it isn’t, is cutting contact and then sitting around trying to not have anymore thoughts about them. As I’d felt the health benefits after a week (seriously), tempting as it was to, for example, snaffle down a mince pie, I accepted that uncomfortable as it had been, overall I felt happier and better. It’s also part of the grieving and healing process to feel your feelings and process your thoughts so that you can draw conclusions, accept and move on. Equally, I found that I made great strides in being happy when I stopped making my life about maintaining NC and instead made it about having a better life…while keeping my ex at bay.
If a thought pops into your head, for all you know, it’s just your unconscious processing away and throwing something out. Baggage Reclaim is a guide to learning to live and love with self-esteem by breaking the patterns that stand in your way.
I may have a moment here and there due to something I read, or a song I hear, but its only now moments out of my day. This helped me take responsibility for my actions and not fall into victim mode, I was also grieving the loss as you (Natalie) talk about and was doing pretty well but not as well as I thought as the AC managed to worm his way back into my life and affections after about 3 months only to drop me from a great height and move on swiftly to another er victim, I mean lady!
For many months serious brain wattage was being burned up, and I thought it would never end. I had a bonafide LTR, title and everything that was just fantastic to be in, and our breakup was the best break up ever! So much damage was done, my sense of self and self esteem was reduced to ashes and I needed to start again from scratch.
Its hard to lose the one you love, for me it was like a death and I needed to grieve as I would the death of any loved one. I could take the easy way out and give you a general outlook of how to get an ex back who is the father of your children. Above I talked about how out of everyone who visits this site you are the ones who I most want to see win out in the end. You know, the one where you are supposed to essentially freeze your ex out for around 30 days. Successfully completing a MCP (Minimal Contact Period) like I explained above probably won’t be enough to get your ex boyfriend to come back.
While each person has a unique story I am starting to see an alarming trend, and it’s not good.
I am a big believer in the fact that if a relationship you were in failed before you need to change something in order to ensure success in the future. It’s a pretty popular place around where I live and the two of us usually meet up there when we want to catch up. It was the way she carried herself, the way she would play hard to get and the way she could confidently look any man in the eye and make HIM go weak in the knees.
For example, I got the vibe that nothing I could have said would have been able to seduce her. If you have gained wait since you had your child and were too lazy to get your body back to tip top shape then you are on my bad side. I would see these men hit on her and knew that if other men found her attractive than she is definitely attractive. On the flipside though, if you are constantly getting a lot of neutral, negative or no responses from him it does not bode well for your chances. Getting a positive response from an ex boyfriend who is probably very angry with you is not going to be the easiest thing to do in the world. Rebuild your own life first whether you lose that weight or not, the more important thing is you have a life apart from him whether you get back together or not.
January 2024, after getting back together for the THIRD time, three months into our relationship, I found out I was pregnant. The park, the mall, or stay with him in the house but do something else while close by so that he can see you’re busy. I was with my ex for 21 years, although we broke up twice for a year or 2 during that time. We were happy than out of no were right befor christmas he dumps me and says he we need a seperation than in january he got with another girl. We had been together for 5 years and he broke up with me in Feb 2015 due to me being needy and clingy. I was charged for secret peeping and plead guilty to it under some bad advice from my public defender. Now, since you are on this page I am assuming that your ultimate goal is to get your ex boyfriend back. Ultimately, the decision on whether he should take you back or not is up to him, not me or you. The ones that I see fail time and time again are the ones that are overly emotional and can’t accept that life may have to go on without their ex significant other. Your case is a little different because your ex boyfriend has already demonstrated that he does have romantic feelings towards you.
If you look through my site you will see that almost on every page I mention it’s significance.
Now, can you imagine how different that situation would have gone if she would have just waited a full 30 days before texting me? Secondly, technically you never ended the conversation so you can always start back up whenever you want and it won’t be weird! But the growing friendship with the other girl and the ongoing parties and hanging out at odd timings with her though in groups bothers me.
I feel as if i am the backup option where he is trying his luck with that girl and at the same time does not want to lose me as well as if nothing is gained over there then he atleast has me besides him. We had been talking afterwards because he wanted to be friends but I still had feelings for him so I started NC almost a month ago. The first few months were really great and then he betrayed my trust siginificantly (not by cheating with anyone but rather lying to me about some stuff).
My girlfriend broke up with me 5 months ago because she wasn’t sure about our relationship anymore.
What positives can you say to yourself to affirm the decisions and actions you’re undertaking?
It would be better to focus on returning to what you were being and doing before the panic arrived. Whether it’s figuring out what’s going on in a troubling relationship, understanding you and self-care, or being more assertive, I’m here to help you guide you. It didn’t work out but that is no reason to deny its exsistance or not to remember the good times. This evening I was feeling fed up because even though I will never try and make contact with him I still think about him everyday. It saddens me sometimes because we only dated for 2 months but I was caught up in such a whirlwind of extreme highs to an almighty low and to be still thinking about someone for this length of time considering the actual time we spent together is too long in my opinion. Then I had to get over the fact that before, during and after me they were sleeping around!
I’m so glad I found BR because it would have taken 10x longer to get over it without BR. It helps to read this because often all of the combined thoughts of saddness, anger, confusion, frusteration, longing, (longing for answers, for comfort, for revenge) it all gets so hard to deal with at once. I have been doing better during the day, and working on not talking about him to friends (to bring down the power I give him). My heart really goes out to all the single mothers out there because you really have to be strong for yourself and for your children.
I am a big believer in this for a very long list of reasons that I frankly don’t have the patience to list here. This is one of those rare cases where no contact cannot be done so you have to modify the rules a little bit.
Usually with regular, kidless couples, I get inquiries about what to do if you have to pick up your stuff from your exes place. Anyways, the waitress who waited on us this particular day was one of those girls who both my buddy and I found very attractive. Anyways, it became evident to me that this waitress held a spell over every single man in that bar after watching her interact with other customers. It is going to require you to make sacrifices you don’t want to make and do things that are way outside the box.
If you don’t feel you are drop dead gorgeous or feel like there is no way that you can become that you can make up for it with the other qualities. So, if you want any chance of reuniting your family then you need to make sure you display it in spades. The UG (ungettable girl) dangles herself in front of a man tempting him to take a chance on her. However, before you send anything we need to set up some parameters to give you the best chance of success.


While it is almost 100% guaranteed to get a response talking about your children does nothing for repairing YOUR relationship with your boyfriend.
I do think it is important to mention that the way your ex responds to you via text message is a way of determining how good you are doing in your quest to get him, you and the kids back together. While it may be hard the only thing that can help you in this case is giving him some more time to calm down a little bit and get less angry with you. I am absolutely devastated and have begged and pleaded and done all that humiliating stuff over and over. We stayed together and we were fine but two months later, he got drunk and he was mean and verbally abusive and it was not like him at all.
He did it again today, by leaving me a voicemail regarding his things & we also share a joint bank account.
Should I keep rejecting his calls & if he leaves me a voicemail or text regarding baby, is that more appropriate to respond.
I can do my best to do minimal contact with kids…but the whole ungettable girl thing? Now, he may have lost his feelings towards you which is why he broke up but don’t worry because I am going to give you the tools you need to reignite his feelings for you. If that doesn’t tell you how important I think it is then perhaps a few website visitors can convince you. This morning at 7am I received a text from him that said “do not respond to this, but I miss you”. I am not saying this behavior is bad I am just saying that you can’t expect to get back on your ex boyfriends radar doing this. It will take amazing discipline but it might increase the chances of him engaging you in a conversation.
For example, if you are a Republican and he is a Democrat do not dominate him in the conversation to the point where he changes party affiliations, that’s just scary.
The breakup was because of his school, he’s very stressed a lot of the time and said he felt guilty for not spending time with me. Then began working on a website to show on job interviews and well in the 2-3 weeks before he broke up with me our relationship was a little strained because he spent so much time working on it. We met a few months ago, flirted with each other, and then sort of became FWB (terrible idea, I know…) At the time he was just a crush, but of course I developed feelings for him. In the begining of the break up we argued all the time so after a few months we did a few weeks of no contact but I couldn’t resist it to text her after 20 days of not hearing her.
It has been nearly three months since he disappeared without any explanation and I just keep thinking about him and the whole situation.
Now, I don’t want you to get too disappointed because the framework you see above will still work to a certain extent but there are bits and pieces that have to be modified.
Below I am going to list the major changes that you have to implement with regards to the NC rule.
Maybe the kids will get sick while they are with him and he doesn’t know what to do so he calls you. However, with couples that had children I get inquiries about what to do if you have to see your ex while exchanging kids.
So, while all the other guys were picturing themselves with her I began to think about this site! However, there is something incredibly appealing about the woman who can’t be seduced.
I use to send him text messages everyday saying how much i love him, how much hes hurting me, and knowing him for so long this girl is not good for him” etc…But now i decided to do the MC rule am i doing the right thing? We broke up and because of all the fighting we had and a lot of it was mostly about him but some of it was about our son, and I just didn’t want to fight anymore and because my ex was drinking and getting angry, I decided to seek out a lawyer and go about official custody and child support help. I want him back but im afraid if i do the minimal contact thing he will think he is better off with out us and he is happy with her. Everything was going great but then he would stay out after work and drink wouldn’t come home till around 7 pm or 8pm and he got off work at 3pm.
Then he came out and told me he loves me but is in love with some one else he’s been knowing since high school. I didn't have to register as an offender nor did I really receive any type of punishment for this charge, besides the fact that it is hurting my chances at finding a decent job or home. However, three days later she texted and in my mind at that moment she lost her value to me. Don’t worry though, I am going to do my best to lay out this method in the simplest manner possible so you can understand exactly what you need to do. However, if you really stop to think about it, while the writing is great and the plot twists come out of nowhere, it is really the shows ability to keep you coming back for more that makes it so interesting. One day he basically ignored me the entire day and worked on his computer (I lived at his place). He kept saying he liked me but wasn’t in love with me and eventually I decided to stop having sex with him. The rest of our relationship resulted in several fights of me questioning his intentions and needing a constant reassurance from him that he wanted to be with me.
After the breakup, we still talked and saw each other regularly in a platonic setting… basically on a weekly basis. Unless you’re living in on another planet, even after a few minutes, you should become aware of the passage of time. I keep asking myself why is it that in the past I have dated and had relationships and have been able to get over them easily in a short space of time and move on? Out of everyone who visits my site it is the women who have children that I cheer for the most.
The possibilities are endless when there are kids involved so the no contact rules have to change. While facial beauty is genetic and there is nothing you can do about it, there is something you can do about having a sexy body.
What you need to do is send him a text that is so interesting or intriguing that he would have no choice but to respond to it in a positive way.
He did feel bad but he just didn’t want to have the same thing to happen again if we just got back together.
My girlfriend and I have had our first kid this year and I really need a job that can turn into a place that I can be at for the next decade or two. And after the break up he admitted to a mutual friend that he is spending all of his time with friends and not taking the time alone to come to terms with the break up.
Whether you recognise that you’re going off on a thinking track after one or twenty thoughts, pull yourself back to reality instead of saying “Ah shag it! I will try not to use it as an excuse to dwell longer, because I’m just oh so good at that uncomfortable comfort zone, but again, thanks for being able to put it down on paper so well. The page that you see here today is going to be one of the best resources ever created for getting your ex boyfriend back if you have kids together.
Yes, this will require some outside the box thinking and maybe some inspiration from around the internet.
He bought a house next door from my family, I moved in with his older child from a previous marriage.
He still calls and ask how i’m doing but i keep the convo very short and don’t contact him am i doing whats right? I’ve since moved onto the minimal contact rule as we have two children together and I see him nearly everyday. He never cheated on me with her and for 3 months I tried really hard to work on myself and fix things with him and asked him to stop seeing her but he was really resentful about that and eventually would lie to me and sneak off to hang out with her.
I am not asking for pity, nor am I trying to tell you a sob story, I really just need some help finding some a job that is promising for myself and my family.
Hold on with the the NC ladies, it’s one of the hardest things, but after three days I already had him admitting that he misses me! I wasn’t expecting him to ignore me the whole entire day, so I got upset with him at night.
No, it’s because I want them to succeed so their kids have a father figure in their lives, a father figure that is actually their father. So I’m really confused about how to get back together by making him want me when I need him to actually deal with what happened with me.
I hope to hear back from you as soon as possible, and would like to thank you in advance for any tips or advice. He comforted me and told me how important it is for him to finish because he really wants to have a job in his field.
Now he just treats me like a friend and I have the feeling that he kinda takes me for granted because I keep doing things for him and never ask him for anything.
I put out the olive branch on 3 separate occasions that I am open and wanting to start SLOWLY trying to work on us. I really hoped he would realise how much he’d hurt me and screwed up and want to work on things but he was just angry and got his own place. During the year of our break we never contacted each other unless it was strictly about the kids. He says he loves me and still wants to be with me but he doesn’t think it should be right now. Days went by and he continued working on it like crazy and rarely spent time with me, but I didn’t complain.
Then he became friends with a guy we work with (my ex and I work together) and he started texting this guy all the time, hanging out at work with him all the time, going to the gym together, and then he started wanting to go out with him on his nights off.
During that year I dated a few guys, but the relationships never worked because I never felt a strong connection.
It was too painful to be friends, and if he didn’t want to put in the effort to save us, I needed to take a break from him to move on.
He told me this past year he has done nothing with his life (geez thanks!) and needs to be alone and start fresh and get his life into gear. Is it okay to tell him in advance I won’t be responding to his messages or should I simply ignore them if I receive them?
He cried and said he understood it was unfair to me, but he didn’t want to not have me in his life.
He said i needed to change things meaning I needed to go out on more dates with him and show him that i cared.
I told him he was trying to keep all of the positive parts of our relationship without facing the challenges.
I want our relationship back but not how it was and there are big trust issues that would need to be addressed. He even called my friends and stated he loves me but doesnt want to try then never even mention the new girl to my friends.
Should I move out get my life situated for the baby and work on getting him back like that. I told him it’s because he has been so busy and we rarely spend any time just us two.
He is hanging out with his friends constantly (he used to hang out with them max once a week when he was with me.
So after I dropped the kids to school, i did my usual house work and then i just started thinking about him.



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