Sometimes it can be difficult to know how to communicate our needs and desires, especially during a disagreement. Different people have different styles of communication, and different people and situations can require that we alter our styles in order to achieve our goals. People range in their communication styles between being unemotional to highly emotional, and between being very subtle and indirect, to being straightforward or event blunt. Individuals who are low on directness and low on emotion tend to have more passive communication styles, while individuals who are high on directness and high on emotion tend to have more aggressive communication styles. While we may have a tendency towards one of these styles, we can learn skills to move us towards moderate levels of emotion and directness, and to become assertive, constructive communicators.
Relationships of all kinds involve conflicts because different people have different needs and preferences, and these can sometimes interfere with others.
It is extremely important to learn to be an active listener when somebody else is speaking. You can listen actively by letting the other person speak, maintaining good eye contact, nodding to show that you are still paying attention, and saying things like “okay”, “mmm hmmm” or “I see”.
When you are describing your difficulties, it is important to be clear and precise about the problem, focus on the other person’s behaviour, and avoid making statements about their personality, which they cannot change as easily as their behaviour. During very difficult conflicts, it can be useful to use the formal structure of an “I statement”. This takes the form “When you (problem behaviour), I feel (your difficult emotion), and I usually (your unhelpful reaction). These more formal statements help you to organise your thoughts and get your message across about what is troubling you. There are a number of specific techniques you can learn that can help you to be assertive in difficult conflicts. With the Broken Record technique, for instance, you calmly repeat your message, sometimes using different words, but without justifying yourself or explaining any further, in order to stick with your message in the face of a clever or persistent person.
Learning assertiveness and communication skills can be empowering and extremely valuable in helping you to decrease the amount of conflict in your life, meet your goals in your relationships and at work, and make life overall more pleasant. Dr Catherine Hynes has a PhD in clinical psychology and neuropsychology from the University of Queensland and can provide expert help to people wanting to improve their assertiveness and communication skills. To make an appointment, you can book Dr Catherine Hynes online, or freecall Vision Psychology on 1800 877 924 today. Appointments AvailableAre you looking for a Brisbane Psychologist with Appointments Available Now?
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Research into fWHR was propelled by an anthropological study of human skulls indicating that fWHR was a size-independent sexually dimorphic feature of the human skull that arose around puberty coincident with the rise in pubertal testosterone (Weston et al., 2007). In summary, these findings in brown capuchin monkeys, along with work in humans (Goetz et al., 2013) highlight the importance of considering social status as a moderator of the relationship between fWHR and dominance related behaviors. The author declares that the research was conducted in the absence of any commercial or financial relationships that could be construed as a potential conflict of interest. I thank Steven Arnocky, Shawn Geniole, Michael Haselhuhn, Stefan Goetz, Cheryl McCormick, and Keith Welker for helpful comments on a previous draft.
Finding the middle ground between the two can be a tricky proposition, but with professional help from a psychologist you can achieve the right balance in your life. Assertiveness is relating or communicating with others in a way that is respectful of their rights and feelings, and not offensive; yet at the same time, allows you to openly communicate your thoughts, feelings and opinions.
If you are passive in the way you communicate, you are probably too afraid of what the other party might think or feel – thus you withhold certain thoughts, beliefs and feelings which you feel might make the other party upset.
If this occurs repeatedly over time, this can cause you to become depressed or anxious about relating to others. This might lead to others avoiding or not listening to you – which in turn affects your relationships and whether things get achieved at all.
It is highly probable that a lack of assertiveness has meant that you tend to go along with and agree with another’s thoughts and feelings. On the other hand, being too aggressive can lead to the loss of relationships, or the inability to make new friends.
A trained psychologist is able to help you work through the interpersonal difficulties which stem from lack of assertiveness. People find that being more assertive allows them to feel empowered in life – they are more comfortable with who they are and their personal relationships. Furthermore, studies have shown that an increase in assertiveness is associated with feeling less depressed, and lower levels of substance abuse.

Joey Tai is an endorsed Clinical Psychologist, with a passion for helping clients to develop and maintain positive relationships. Please call 1800 877 924 to make an appointment or book Clinical Psychologist Joey Toey online.
In the cognitive behavioral model cognition is typically addressed at three levels: automatic thoughts, conditional assumptions, and core beliefs (schemas).
This book lays out an empirical research that investigates the effectiveness of assertiveness training and cognitive restructuring techniques in increasing self-esteem of children from divorced parents. Learning skills for communication can help us to reduce conflict in our lives, and to get our needs met more often. These two dimensions of communication vary depending on your personality, your learning history, your culture, and the situation in which you are communicating. Individuals who are low on directness and high on emotion tend to have passive aggressive communication styles. When trying to resolve differences, there are some guidelines that can assist in keeping the conversation calm and reasonable, and help to reach a solution. By showing interest in the other person’s point of view, you will develop a deeper understanding of where the problem is for the other person, and that will help you to find possible solutions.
You can also show that you have understood the other person by repeating back to them their central message, or paraphrasing what they have said to make sure you have understood. It is also helpful to avoid language of extremes, like “you always” or “you never”, because such statements are rarely completely true, and invite the other person to argue with you by coming up with counter examples.
She uses evidence-based therapies, and works with her clients in a warm and supportive way to help them decide what therapy and what strategies are most suitable to their personal tastes and circumstances. This means that you will not need to remember your user name and password in the future and you will be able to login with the account you choose to sync, with the click of a button. This page doesn't support Internet Explorer 6, 7 and 8.Please upgrade your browser or activate Google Chrome Frame to improve your experience. To the extent that variation in the fWHR is under the influence of pubertal testosterone, and that pubertal testosterone organizes the neural circuitry underlying sexually dimorphic behaviors, we tested the hypothesis that this metric would map onto human aggression. Ozener (2012) first reported that fWHR was not sexually dimorphic and did not predict aggression as assessed using a self-report measure.
Alpha status moderates the relationship between facial width-to-height ratio and assertiveness in capuchin monkeys. This is an open-access article distributed under the terms of the Creative Commons Attribution License (CC BY).
What happens as a result of this is that your own personal communicative needs are not met, and this could lead to you feeling frustrated, disappointed or angry with yourself. Once again, this might lead to feelings of frustration and disappointment, and over time, develop into depression and general anxiety when relating to others.
Once again, this could have a detrimental effect on self-esteem, as there is a tendency for the individual to blame themselves in these situations. If you are tired of not being able to communicate effectively and need some help in being more assertive, now is the time to make a change! Some therapists talk about the mind trying to attain a state of equilibrium - it doesn't like change. Jane Anulika Akponye (nee Ehieze-Okeke) works with the Riverside County Child Protective Services in California. Appointments with our Brisbane psychologists are available from 8am to 8pm; including Saturday and Sunday. Our reception hours are usually 9am to 8pm Monday to Friday, and 9am to 4pm Saturday and Sunday. Specifically, variation in the facial width-to-height ratio (fWHR) was positively correlated with alpha status and a composite measure of assertiveness. This is a novel finding, documenting for the first time a link between fWHR and complex social behavior in a non-human primate. In contrast, under poor social circumstances, fWHR is positively correlated with assertiveness. This contrasts human work indicating that associations between fWHR, social status, and aggression are only found in men (Goetz et al., 2013).
Facial width-to-height ratio in a Turkish population is not sexually dimorphic and is unrelated to aggressive behavior. The use, distribution or reproduction in other forums is permitted, provided the original author(s) or licensor are credited and that the original publication in this journal is cited, in accordance with accepted academic practice. You might focus on pleasing others, to the extent that you feel unfulfilled in your own life.

To this end, core beliefs can be resistant to change – they can bias the way information in perceived. This novel finding adds to a growing body of evidence indicating that variation in facial structure reliably maps onto individual differences in dominance-related phenotypes. Since this publication, several studies have found that this metric maps onto other conceptually similar phenotypes. Although the authors reported that alpha status did not significantly moderate the relationship between fWHR and assertiveness (p = 0.09), a careful examination of Figure 4 from Lefevre et al.
However, the lack of statistical significance is almost certainly due to a lack of statistical power given the small sample size (n = 43). Here, low-ranking monkeys are relatively submissive (or unassertive), but only to the extent that they have low fWHRs. Lack of support for the association between facial shape and aggression: a reappraisal based on a worldwide population genetics perspective. Male facial width is associated with death by contact violence: narrow-faced males are more likely to die from contact violence. Worst of all, this inability to relate to significant others may well have a detrimental effect on your personal relationships. Schema Bias is a CBT worksheet graphically illustrating how core beliefs (schemas) are maintained.
University of Ibadan was an affiliate of the University of London and became a full-fledged university in 1962.
Because previous work has found that the relationship between fWHR and aggressive behavior is specific to individuals with relatively low social status (Goetz et al., 2013), I further probed the marginal interaction with simple slopes analyses. Note: the blue regression line represents the relationship between facial width-to-height ratio and assertiveness in alpha monkeys and the red regression line represents the relationship between facial width-to-height ratio and assertiveness in non-alpha monkeys.
In contrast, low-ranking monkeys with large fWHRs are just as assertive as high-ranking monkeys. In your face: facial metrics predict aggressive behaviour in the laboratory and in varsity and professional hockey players. It can be used to help clients understand about how their mind can shape and distort information prior to the use of schema-change interventions. Her research interests include pre and post marital counseling, stress management, emotional intelligence, sex, marriage, family, and children of divorced parents. Self-fulfilling prophecies as a link between men's facial width-to-height ratio and behavior. These experiences led her to create some awareness and author an empirical research work to make a difference and enhance the self-esteem of children of divorced parents. Fearless dominance mediates the relationship between the facial width-to-height ratio and cheating. No evidence for sexual dimorphism of facial width-to-height ratio in four large adult samples. In contrast, low-ranking monkeys with relatively small fWHRs, who are presumably weaker, may be less likely to successfully implement assertive behavioral strategies.
Thus, it remains unclear which factor(s) most closely mapped onto fWHR and alpha status, and whether such links were specific to males or females.
Facial width-to-height ratio relates to alpha status and assertive personality in capuchin monkeys.
I believe this is an unlikely explanation given that several independent laboratories have found associations between fWHR and traits that are conceptually linked to dominance and aggression (see above). One important limitation of this work is the small number of capuchin monkeys used, which renders significant moderation effects difficult to detect. Another possibility is that the link between fWHR and dominance behavior is moderated by social context.
Consistent with this idea, we recently reported that the relationship between fWHR and aggressive behavior in men was moderated by subjective and objective measures of social status (Goetz et al., 2013). Here, fWHR was positively correlated with aggression, but only among relatively low status men (Goetz et al., 2013). Thus, future work will require a larger sample to verify the extent to which fWHR maps onto dominance-related traits, whether such effects are moderated by social status, and whether relationships between fWHR, social status, and assertiveness hold across males and females.

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