But the more we learn about each other, the more we learn we are inherently and culturally different.
I think one of the most rewarding aspects about being in a cross-cultural or interracial relationship is the fact that I am forced to examine my own culture (and values).
I wanted to make a mini-series about all the things Ryosuke and I seem to disagree with culturally.
Im so glad that i found ur blog and read down the comments and finds some peoples who in similar situation. So i don’t know what happend to my japanese husband this 6month of marriage that he changed.
Why he became workaholic, he work 6days a week and a day 14hours he spent in work place from 6am to 8pm (coffee shop) he’s so busy.
Your husband and you definitely seem in love – but what he is doing to you (slapping, violence, etc) is actually abuse. And thankyou once again i really appreciate it, i hope we could meet in person someday and became friend in real life.
I do not know the laws about this kind of violence in Japan or your home country (but I *hear* men in Japanese society seem to have less concern and regard towards women than might be found elsewhere. If my wife had hit me I might let it go and forgive her and talk about it with her the FIRST time, but if it happened a second time I would immediately go to a trusted neighbor or friend, have them take pictures of the injuries and bruises while telling them about it, then I would immediately CALL THE POLICE from their house and HAVE HER ARRESTED!!
Depending on the laws there, I think you should call the police and have him arrested at the very LEAST. I have SEVERAL female nurse friends that work the emergency room at hospitals here and they see situations JUST LIKE YOURS too often.
Afterall to just knowing tht someone is listening is make me glad cuz i never really could share my story since i don’t have friend here in japan.
I have done some research and put together a little information for you to read, the first link is to actual services I believe and the others are general information to educate you He IS breaking several laws.
Information about questions and answers to problems and issues with marrying a Japanese spouse.
I was about to list off some of the crimes I think he’s committing but you will know after reading all this.
Just wanted to say that you have a great Heart, Mike; thanks for reaching out to someone in need.
Saya juga dulu korban penganiayaan mbak, saya juga pernah berharap orang yang melakukan itu bisa berubah. And then my boyfriend-now-fiance came to visit, for three weeks, and I guess I was excited. And, yes, I’ve only recently gotten over this who expirience enough to talk about it. And I tell you this because I got my happy “ending.” I want you (whether it be with your current husband or another man that makes you happy) to get yours, too. Well, its either I get that or he wakes me up in the middle of the night, digging up stories which I always thought settled plus blames, accusations and everything.
I am not avoiding fights, sometimes I even know this fight happened because I wanted it to haha but I hate how I see hubby differently for the first few days or hours after a fight. However, breaching two distinct cultures only adds another, complicated layer to the relationship schematics.
We knew each other a couple months before we started dating; less than a month after we made our relationship “Facebook Official,” he unofficially proposed and we started planning our lives together.


My dad always told me to marry someone with a very high ability to “change” or adapt to a new environment; both Ryosuke and I have done a great deal of changing for each other. Every time Ryosuke and I disagree about an aspect of our relationship, we are forced to confront why exactly we believe we are right (and I’m not allowed to say “Because I’m a woman, therefore I’m always right!”).
I wanted to do this partially for reflection, partially because I thought it might interest people who have no experience with Japanese culture, partially because I thought it might interest or align with what people with a great deal of Japanese cultural experience have noticed, and partially because I wanted to help future foreign women dating Japanese men.
Or, I don’t actually like to fight, per say, but I think constructive fighting and arguing has a very vital role in any healthy relationship. When he’s sad, mad, frustrated, or angry with me, he will kind of shut down, and I have to awkwardly sit across from him for the next half an hour or so, waiting for him to compose himself and gather his thoughts. She was bragging to me how not once, in their two years together, had they ever gotten into even a simple argument.
Now I live in the countryside near Tokyo with my husband, Ryosuke, where I draw comics, blog, and make videos about our daily life. He was never been like that, before we married, i live with him 1year he was totally adorable japanese guy. When just simple arguing it will end with He SLAP me in the face hardly with his man power, and grabbing hard my neck, really trust me i got some brush from his hand work.
Do u think becuz of the weight of my dreamy wedding party that he became tired and start to loosing his self? I would IMMEDIATELY leave him and move back to my own country, I would not talk to him about it or let him know at all, I would get my passport, get money out of the bank to travel with and just GO! Possibly find a job, I’m not sure how difficult this is over there or if he will have issue with it but it could give you opportunity to hide more. Though he was abusive from around the two-month mark, American (like me), and we never married (though for five months, he was my fiance). He had some intense leverage on me, and he made me believe it was my fault (it’s never your fault, I now know). I made heaps of friends, including this great guy called Aoto Mizushima, who was sweet, funny, cute, smart, helpful; the whole package. What I had done, you see, was written a letter, left it next to sleeping head so he would be sure to see it, and left. But him keeping quiet when I am basically with fire coming out of my ears is not a good combination. I do talk but only after a few hours when I calmed down and figured out my thoughts and what I want to say to him. It’s like he is not 100% the same person than before, do you guys know that feeling?! While most of the guys I dated before I met Ryosuke came from a different country (three from Mexico, one from South Africa, one from France), I never really had any idea I was going to enter an interracial marriage.
Despite the fact we have been married for a while now, we’re still finding new things out about each other each month. I believe both sides should be able to safely confront the other about behavior that bothers them, issues they’ve been holding in, or other concerns without bottling it up.
While he is one of the most confrontational Japanese people I know, sometimes he will shy away from conflict.
We have very few problems in our relationship, but this is one thing that has always stood out. Tapi karena memang sudah menyangkut keamanan nyawa, terpaksa suatu malam saya lari dan ngga balik lagi sampai sekarang.


He started off as this sweet, lovable, funny guy, who treated me nicely and liked a lot of the same things I did. I was also excited because I was going to tell him I was going to break up with him on his last day, then seek refuge at one of my best friends’ homes until he left. But I came back, and there he was, on my couch, and then the bloodbath began; he began to tell at me, telling me that I was making the biggest mistake if my life, and I was a piece of trash and I was lucky to have ever landed someone like him, and that he would kill me before he let me leave. He would just leave the room and shut up and I got angry that he was just steaming without talking about the problem. In a perfect world, we would be able to sit down once a month or so and just talk about the things that were bothering us – and such a conversation would rarely lead to actual yelling. Especially when said conflict seems to be rocking an otherwise stable boat (hint – the boat is our relationship). It seems like most Japanese boyfriends have inherent problems with effectively communicating their feelings.
Mbak, pertama yang harus dilakukan untuk berjaga-jaga, spot kantor polisi terdekat kemana pun mbak pergi.
And though you two seem very much in love (Like Miss Grace said), I can’t believe he would hurt you like this. And he was interested in me, and I him, though we were both too shy to do anything except for go out as friends. But as much as I try, words won’t come out of my mouth during or right after a fight. But it takes him quite a bit longer – sometimes hours or even 1-2 days to FULLY recover after a huge fight.
I can count on one hand the number of times we’ve actually yelled at each other during a “fight” in the last year and a half. This also isn’t a uniquely Ryosuke aspect, most of my friend who have dated a Japanese man or have Japanese boyfriends have complained about this: Japanese men don’t like to fight. Nice, kind and polite while at your home and now verbally and physically ABUSIVE committing ASSULT against you in HIS home… Are you two living by yourselves now or still living with his mom?
So that time i couldn’t go out cuz if i go i cant do anything outside in the foreign country, the most important of all he teared my visa from my passport so i would have problem with the immigration if i really leave.
I was bleeding and bruised by the time there was a knock at the door, and I was shouting for Aoto to leave. Paspor baru dikeluarkan, bahkan universitas tempat saya bersekolah juga mau mengeluarkan kutipan ijasah. Kalo ada apa-apa langsung pergi ke kantor polisi terdekat itu dan minta dihubungkan dengan kbri.
My neighbor, a kind older lady named Gina, had heard the noise, and the fact the girl who dropped by to give her chocolate chip cookies every week was in trouble did not make her happy. Stiker visa yang di paspor itu nggaada juga ngga masalah harusnya, karena sistem di jepang sudah online toh. Selain itu, kalau memang paspor sudah rusak, mbak wajib melaporkan ke kbri dengan menyebutkan alasannya.



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