Secret of My Success taught us that a farmboy can move to New York, convince his uncle to give him a job, have sex with his aunt, arrange a hostile takeover of his uncle's company and still come off smelling like roses. Secret of My Success is the kind of song that plays when you're remodeling an old house or building a laser or mastering karate. The baby turtles were adorable, and my favorite mutant -- Raphael, because he was Red -- wound up being the kind of sulking anti-hero Hugh Jackman only dreams of. Granted, Vanilla Ice's Ninja Rap from Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II: Secrets of the Ooze was more popular, only because of Vanilla's infectious Go-Ninja-Go-Ninja-Go chorus.
These days Donald Gibb, the actor who played beer-loving Ogre, has his own line of Ogre beer.* And Curtis Armstrong, who played Booger, is the voice of the American Dad character Snot.
Revenge of the Nerds sounds like a Weird Al Yankovic tribute band comprised of ex-Devo members. Since there is no known soundtrack and since this is one of the geatest songs to grace this miserable rock of a planet, I'm risking litigation to post the entire song. Graveyard Shift is what happens when you set out to adapt every Stephen King story to film.
In Graveyard Shift, or Shifty McGraves as it was known in Europe, a drifter takes a job in a creepy old mill, where he and his coworkers are ordered into the sprawling basement to handle a little rat problem.
Alternating between a deep Maine drawl and just about everything else, Warwick's accent has fascinated viewers for generations. There was just one problem: Graveyard Shift had six songs, and it could be any one of them. Scott Reeder is one of the nicest guys to ever reply to one of my creepy, out-of-nowhere emails.
Weird Science is about a couple of randy teenagers create the perfect woman so they can take showers in their underwear with her.
During the 80s, America was under pressure from an island country no bigger than Florida ("America's Genitals™"). Ironically, the beer swilling truckers this movie ostensibly targeted were outraged at the sight of all them damn Asians. Big Trouble in Little China is performed by John Carpenter's band, and he actually sings on this one. Howard the Duck is sung by leading lady Lee Thompson, who some of you may remember as Marty McFly's mother in Back to Future.


These weren't random hits chosen to sell soundtracks -- these were titular theme songs -- the title of the film was in the lyrics!
This particular montage shows Fox and his yuppie girlfriend doing research and talking low blood sugar. But the best part, at least judging from audience reaction, was when Kasey Jones sent Shredder's right hand man flying with a golf club. It taught us how to laugh like a nerd, how to love like a nerd, and that if you trick a cheerleader into having sex by stealing her boyfriend's Darth Vader costume, she will fall in love with you.
I was such a big fan that I used to wrap myself up in a blanket and eat apples while watching it.
While the short story fed everyone to a hoard of dog-sized rodents, Graveyard Shift makes do with a single giant bat-rat hybrid. The ending theme is a chunky, funky, clanky, laid back tribal-industrial song laced with sound clips from the movie. So I did the only rational thing I could do: Pick the creepiest title -- They're Gone by Scott Reeder -- track him down and send him an email. For going above and beyond the call of duty, and for making instruments out of bones, I'm going to plug his new album.
In the Phantom Edit of my mind's eye, the movie jumps straight from the mall scene, with its touching tribute to Carrie, to the big finale, when Frankenstein's Babe turns Bill Paxton into Pizza the Hutt. If you were surprised by Charlie and the Chocolate Factory's hidey-hidey-ho music, it can be traced back to Oingo Boingo. John Carpenter tapped into America's psyche and gave us what we needed the most: A beer swilling trucker-philosopher who could bring down a 3000 year old Chinese warlock with nothing more than wisecracks and swift reflexes. It's not as bad as you think -- Carpenter sounds a little like Hewie Lewis, and other rockers I'm too young to remember.
If my parents hadn't dragged me away from the television, I'd have never gone to the movies. From the Duck Noir opening to the first signs that Jeffery Jones was a pedophile -- er, Dark Overlord -- right up to the Ghostbusters-style finale that pit laser-wielding duck against the Stygian hood rat Cthulhu keeps on the down low, we loved every quackin' second of it. She does a commendable job, but part of me wonders what it would have sounded like performed by Tori Amos, who auditioned for the part. I tried to spare you three thousand words on why Ghostbusters is the best movie ever, but you gone and asked for it.


I will however try to post new covers when i can and update collections where possible as well. Fox, the only man who could bounce a puppy off a brick wall and somehow make it seem charming. And even though the song I'll always associate with the movie is Oh Yeah by Yello (which plays while Fox's aunt seduces him in the backseat of a limo), this film isn't called Oh Yeah, it's called Secret of My Success. But the REAL monster of this film is Warwick, the perverse, sadistic headmaster of the mill -- or rather, his accent. While most titular themes are so upbeat they can drive you mad (try looping Howard the Duck for twenty minutes), Graveyard Shift is strangely addictive. I didn't get permission to print his email, so hopefully all this mad respect will keep him from turning my elbows into drumsticks. Then some mutant bikers show up, and there's a Cuban missile crisis, and -- though I'm not completely sure about this -- I believe the Care Bears play an important role in rescuing Princess Toadstool. However, the music video is pure atrocity, and I've have dedicated an entire page just to it. Volume Two is coming soon, featuring more of my favorite -- and a few not so favorite -- titular movie themes.
I sent him three short clips and -- because I have emotional problems -- asked him to rate Warrick's Maine accent on a scale of one to ten, from Brad Pitt in Snatch to Pure Moxy. I heard it five minutes ago and the only lyrics I can remember is something about "pots and pans." Pots and pans? And all because people were too stupid to realize that John Carpenter was tapping their psyches.
I also used to dress up like the Childlike Empress and ride around on a tricycle while eating rocks.



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