It seems they always had a sense of humor, and it seems they’ve kept that tradition alive, which just tickles my knickers.
Case in point: the top of my box says, “open here, but don’t get mouthy with me!” Get it? I’m not sure exactly what a Zonker is, but these little guys are certainly Screaming Yellow.
Considering I hadn’t viewed those commercials before I ate Zonkers for the first time, I was surprised to find that there was quite a bit of sweetness to them.
They also taste remarkably similar; take out the nuts and exchange caramel coating for butter coating, and there you have it.
The taste combination of butter and sugar is disconcerting at first, and yet I found that I kept eating them. While I didn’t like the sugar, I have to give props to the Zonkers marketing team for their excellent sense of humor. Required disclosure: my box of Screaming Yellow Zonkers was provided to me as a free sample by ConAgra Foods.
Last night I was out on a date with a young lady and we were discussing what our favorite appetizers are. Wapsi Grizzly Zonker Strips - Chinchilla Zonkers Strips are available in natural and dyed over natural chinchilla rabbit.
Screaming Yellow Zonkers will not be in stores until May 15, so don’t run out looking for them until that date! Popcorn is something I seem to remember from my childhood (like Pop Qwiz), but don’t recall ever trying (probably because I was too busy eating Pop Qwiz). Instead of pasting the entire Wikipedia article here, get off your Internet ass and read it yourself. These days, food packaging is either THIS IS HEALTHY AND A SERIOUS MATTER or THIS PRODUCT IS SO FUCKING EXXTREEEEEME IT WILL LITERALLY BLOW YOUR MIND STRAIGHT OUT THE BACK OF YOUR HEAD.


Given that “Screaming Yellow Zonkers” gives you zero clue as to what the actual product is, the box goes on to describe the product as “crispy butter-glazed popcorn snack!” Zonkers loves exclamation marks. After my mouth accepted the combination, I actually started liking them, until my sugar limits kicked in. It’s not going to make me like the popcorn any more than I did, but I appreciate their efforts nonetheless.
I came home from the store, and she was just sitting there, staring into space, thinking about goddamned appetizers. Chips and salsa – It may sound shockingly pedestrian, but a great fresh salsa with a made-in-house, thin, crispy, salty, somewhat greasy tortilla chip is the perfect thing to shove in your face while waiting for your main order. She, like Kelley, stated that the SPINACH ARTICHOKE DIP is her favorite – a lofty status for the lowly, humble artichoke, in my opinion. You haven’t failed us, but the brave pigs who gave so much, who paid the ultimate price for our pre entree hunger. It’s been over a year since they were promised and I have yet to find them online or at Walgreen’s!! According to Wikipedia, which is the only real source of information I could find, so take all this with a grain of salt, Zonkers (I am dropping the exclamation point from now on since it’s annoying to have every word after that get auto-capitalized) were first introduced in the late 1960s. I like popcorn, and I like butter, but I don’t have much of a sweet tooth, and Screaming Yellow Zonkers are pretty damn sweet.
It’s hard to believe, but there are gaps in my encyclopedic knowledge of snack foods! We were at California Pizza Kitchen and decided that we should get the Spinach & Artichoke Thin Crust Pizza – and it was delicious! I like a lighter, flaky blanket myself with a good solid minidog (nathans are great, the snap when you bite into it is great). Enjoy these commercials from the 1970s(?) and 1980s(?)  I especially like the latter; when was the last time you saw someone convulsing on the ground to advertise for a product?


It feels like one of those snacks you sit down with in front of the tv, and before you know it, you’ve eaten the entire box and consumed 360 calories.
While I accepted the combination of butter and sugar surprisingly easily, I can see how it would not sit well with others. I had them cook it just a tad bit extra (I like my thin crust pizza to have a snap to it), which proved to be a great decision. Then, in the middle of the thing, was a popcorn chicken sized bite of bar-b-q fried sparrow. Then, late at night, as I’m watching a rerun of Golden Girls, it suddenly bursts through my front door, eyes wild. I’ll take it with tortilla chips, but if a restaurant offers something like garlic bread or pita wedges, even better.
The top became a dark golden brown, which brought out the nuttiness of the parmesan cheese, creating a flavor profile that contrasted and complemented the richness of the Spinach Artichoke Dip.
I love garlic as much as the next man (unless the next man is dracula) but it was just a hint too much.
Also, the desired crunch of the crust was achieved, adding a much needed textural element to the creaminess of the toppings. No restaurants in my current area make this, or even know what i’m talking about when i describe it.



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