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Author: admin | 11.03.2015 | Category: Relieve Tinnitus

Station log: A man with an eyepatch, who is called Falcon, goes flying through a plate glass window.
The smooching is interrupted by Garak, who is also wearing a tux, and who is intrigued by this program of Bashir’s. Back in the real world, Sisko, Kira, Dax, Worf, and O’Brien are returning from a conference in the Orinoco. On the holosuite, a secret chamber with a bed behind the bar has an unexpected occupant: Kira. Odo and Eddington get Quark and Rom to open up the holosuite controls, and Eddington confirms that all five images are there. Back in their tuxedoes, Bashir and Garak, joined by Komananov enter Club Ingenue, which has gambling, drinking, and go-go dancers. Noah also knows that Bashir isn’t really a geologist, because his chief of security is Falcon, who blew his cover.
Bashir and Garak burst into the sitting room and free Komananov (Noah’s keeping her alive as breeding stock)—but then Duchamps comes in and gets the drop on Bashir and Garak. Which he does by capitulating, by saying that he has no place in Noah’s new world, and then he uses the same words Garak used on him to Noah about cutting his losses (while an appreciative Garak looks on). Odo transfers the neural patterns to the Defiant and Rom is able to beam the physical patterns off the holosuite and reintegrate everyone.
Back on the holosuite, Bashir and Garak head out, but Bashir assures Garak that Julian Bashir, secret agent, will return….
Don’t ask my opinion next time: Kira’s image is used for Komananov, who’s a Soviet agent, but still sleeps with Bashir, an enemy agent.
The slug in your belly: Dax’s image is used for Honey Bear, the seismologist who hides her beauty behind a pair of glasses and pinned-up hair.
There is no honor in being pummeled: Worf’s image is used for Duchamps, Noah’s associate who gets to suavely kidnap scientists while wearing a white tuxedo and smoking cigars. Preservation of mass and energy is for wimps: Odo, along with Eddington, has to try to save the five trapped crew. Rules of Acquisition: It’s Quark, oddly, who figures out that the neural patterns of the crew are stored in the station computer, after Rom reminds everyone that holosuites can’t store stuff at the quantum level and so can’t store the neural energy, just the physical forms. Plain, simple: Garak pretty much forces his way into the program—starting by cockblocking Bashir with the blonde in the red dress—and is disdainful of the entire exercise, making copious snide commentary along the way about the lack of realism compared to the real life of a spy (something Bashir throws back in his face right before he shoots him), not to mention the sexism and the awful decor.
What happens on the holosuite stays on the holosuite: You gotta be grateful that Bashir wasn’t running, say, the program of Nog’s that Dax gave him before he left for the Academy.
No sex, please, we’re Starfleet: In the program, Bashir is sleeping with Komananov, tries to sleep with the blonde in the red dress, probably is sleeping with Luvsitt (because if he’s not sleeping with his cleavage-y, leggy valet, it would violate the tenets of the program, honestly), and seduces Bear in a manner that could only be accomplished by a male in 1960s fiction.
The episode took nine days to film; a typical DS9 episode took seven, but several of the stunts and sets took a lot longer than usual to set up. While the program will be mentioned—in “A Simple Investigation,” “Change of Heart,” “His Way,” and “It’s Only a Paper Moon”—it won’t be seen again, mainly because the studio got a sternly worded letter from MGM, the owners of the James Bond movie franchise.
This episode got two Emmy nominations, for Outstanding Hairstyling and Outstanding Music Composition. Even the technobabble, which is so incredibly contrived, is at least ameliorated by the hilariousness of Rom’s homespun engineering (I don’t think I’ve ever laughed so hard at any line in Star Trek as I did at Rom’s “behind the spatula” line).
Not much to say here: it’s a romp, and even though it gets serious for half a second when Garak lectures Bashir about how real spies are supposed to behave, it never ceases to be a fun romp that lets the actors play around a bit. Rewatcher’s note: Keith is in the home stretch of his Kickstarter for a new story in the Dragon Precinct universe, featuring the characters of Gan Brightblade and his friends from that novel.

Since he got it, he’s spent all his spare time in the holosuite, and he won’t tell anyone about it. Garak realizes that he probably scared her off, and apologizes, saying that Bashir has every right to be so angry with Garak that he should take a champagne bottle and shoot him.
Except it quickly becomes apparent that it’s not Kira, it’s Colonel Anastasia Komananov, one of the characters in the program—but she now looks like Kira, with the computer insisting that this is the proper image for Komananov. There have been several artificial earthquakes all across the globe, which all happened after a seismologist named Honey Bear disappeared. Real spies sometimes have to make life-or-death decisions, but Bashir will cross that bridge when he comes to it.
They just have to figure out how to reintegrate their neural patterns with their physical forms. Bashir, knowing precisely what era he’s pretending to be in, compliments Bear on her beauty, convincing her that the last thing he wants to see before he dies is her with her glasses off and her hair down.
Bashir assembles a tiny handgun from stuff stored in the heel of his shoe, because of course he has a gun in his shoe, and says they have to go to the control room.
Eddington calls Bashir and tells him that they’ll try beaming everyone out in two minutes, so he has to stall. As established inTNG’s “Relics,” transporter patterns degrade if they’re kept in the buffer for too long (which is a handy way of explaining why they don’t just store people in the buffer all the time), so Odo and Eddington need to dump the neural and physical patterns somewhere. She has a hilarious Russian accent that’s missing only a query for the whereabouts of moose and squirrel.
It’s actually kind of amusing, given the concerns that some (including your humble rewatcher) had about Terry Farrell during the show’s first season, that she was all good looks and wouldn’t be convincing as a scientist. The Orinoco was sabotaged by the True Way, a Cardassian separatist group who is against the treaty with Bajor and blames the Federation for all their economic woes. As it is, Bashir’s been doing the secret agent thing in pretty much all his off-time since he got the program. This made no sense on the Enterprise, and it makes even less sense in a commercial holosuite, where the safeties being disengaged can lead to serious consequences for Quark if one of his customers gets hurt. But the strongest is Bond, from Bashir introducing himself by last name and then full name, to Dr.
While there was nothing specifically actionable in “Our Man Bashir,” it came close enough that they didn’t want to risk it in a subsequent episode.
All the actors take great glee in their roles, though as is often the case, Avery Brooks and Nana Visitor are the standouts. I mean, sure, there’s stuff you could analyze about this episode, but there’s little point, as it’s all an excuse for everyone to have fun. DeCandido will be part of a talk on the ins and outs of writing media tie-ins at Housing Works Books and Cafe as part of their “Geek Week” on Wednesday at 7pm. His valet, Mona Luvsitt—who wears a miniskirt and shows significant cleavage, but who also has a degree in biology, speaks seven languages, and mixes a mean martini—takes care of his things. Bashir and Garak contact Ops, and they soon realize that the neural patterns of the runabout crew are in the station computer, but their physical forms are in the holosuite, replacing the characters in Bashir’s program. She whispers, “Earring,” and Bashir grabs the earring and tosses it to the ground—it’s a flash-bang, and it disorients Falcon and his two henchmen enough for Bashir, Garak, and Komananov to take them down—though Bashir has to stop Komananov from killing Falcon, which would kill O’Brien. Eddington suggests using the Defiant, but Rom will need to make some modifications to make his equipment compatible with Starfleet’s. Noah’s name gets them brought back to the baccarat table, run by a man named Duchamps—who looks like Worf.

She is, of course, smitten, and gives him one last kiss—as well as the key to the handcuffs. If the program plays out as planned, either Bear or Komananov will be killed, with the other ending up with Bashir. A real spy would get while the getting’s good—that’s how he’s stayed alive all these years. Rom also apparently has to juryrig a lot of the equipment for the holosuites because Quark is too cheap to get top-of-the-line parts. While Farrell put those concerns to rest by the second season, it’s amusing to see her in this role here.
In addition, Melissa Young and Marci Brickhouse play the two beautiful women Bashir interacts with who aren’t members of the main cast.
Both leave no piece of scenery unchewed, the former with his delightful histrionics that put him right up there with Gert Frobe and Joseph Wiseman and Donald Pleasance and Christopher Lee and Javier Bardem, the latter with her hilarious accent that nonetheless never wavers. He’ll be joined by fellow novelist David Mack, editor Ginjer Buchanan, and moderator Cici James of Singularity & Co. Bashir sees Falcon get up in the reflection of the bottle, and pops the champagne cork right at his forehead, knocking him unconscious. Garak is appalled to learn that Bashir’s character is not a rich dilettante but a spy—his government, Great Britain, provided the apartment, his weaponry, the valet, and more.
Odo and Eddington tell Bashir that he has to keep the program running and not leave the holosuite, otherwise they risk losing all five of them.
Bashir and Garak (and Komananov) have to rescue Bear, because if she’s killed, the computer will erase her image, and they’ll lose Dax. Rom sets up massive wires and tubes and such, causing Eddington to mutter that O’Brien’s going to kill him when he gets back. Bashir claims to be one of the world’s finest geologists, and feels insulted that Noah invited other top scientists and not him. But Bashir won’t sacrifice the crew—and when Garak tries to call for the exit, Bashir surprises Garak (and the viewer) by shooting him.
No and on the biblical character who survived the great flood—to tons of tropes, ranging from the bad guy describing his plan in great detail, to the death trap that’s easily escaped from when shooting him would’ve been more efficient, to the notion that one of the two women in the story will die while the other winds up with the hero, to moving the plot along by the hero winning at a card game, etc. She also gets the most to do, since she’s alongside Bashir and Garak for much of the story. Eddington has to store their neural patterns in the computer, which he can only do after wiping the entire computer memory of the station. Duchamps says a meeting can be arranged for 5000 francs, which Bashir then proceeds to win at the baccarat table. It’s only a flesh wound to the neck, but Garak is impressed enough to not call for the exit and follow Bashir’s lead. The earthquake sites, Noah reveals, were all tests for a massive set of lasers that will cause massive earthquakes that will be enough to flood the entire world, except for this mountaintop, the highest in the world. All that will be left of humanity are the people Noah has gathered, the finest minds on Earth, who will repopulate the human race.

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