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05.11.2014
One of the largest interstellar battles has broken out in EVE Online space, and it’s all by mistake. In our modern technological age, a single mistake in judgement can be the difference be a fun Saturday evening and a complete disaster. Initially formed as a small corporation for members of the Something Awful form it has exploded into a kind of counter-cultural revolution. But what do the fun guys of EVE do when they are faced with such a crushing defeat?  Who knows, but given what they have come up with in the past I imagine the response will be hilarious.
The most mysterious and elusive of all the peoples of New Eden, the Jove number only a fraction of any of their neighbors, but their technological superiority makes them powerful beyond all proportion. The highest known governmental body is the Jovian Directorate within the Jove Empire, though this has never been confirmed or denied by the Jove.
Although definitely human, the Jovians often seem to the other races as though they are not, the reason being that they embraced genetic engineering as the way to solve any and all the problems which plague the human race.
Years of genetic engineering formed of the Jovian Disease, a deadly disease that only afflicts the Jove, which has caused millions of Jove to die as a result of interfering with their basic instincts, curbing their aggression and sexual instincts and cultivating strange new ones from the Shrouded Days. Finally, they created the three Jovian Motherships and placed the majority of their population into cryo-stasis, leaving their home territories in the process. The Jove have different branches that exist but are not the result of variations in geographical or climatic differences, instead that of genetic engineering through the centuries.
Much about the Jove remain uncertain, but has been determine to be one of the oldest races in New Eden.
The eventual downfall of this empire was brought about by the Jovian Elders, though the exact details are shrouded in mystery, though few speculate that the likely contributor to the downfall of the First Jovian Empire could be the Jovian Disease which is said to have appeared as a result of the "Shrouded Days". The Jovian Elders maintained a strict governmental control over genetic alterations until it lost control a few generations. The Jovians were reunited by Miko Bour and formed the Second Jovian Empire under the leadership of Miko Bour and lasted approximately 2500 years. Since the Shrouded Days, they have been trying to put the pieces together again, but their DNA-structure has in many ways been damaged beyond repair.
Since introducing capsuleer technology to the Caldari Ishukone Corporation, defeating the Amarr Empire at the Battle of Vak'Atioth and participate in the establishing of CONCORD; the Jove have become more reclusive on the interplanetary political scene with very little public communication with the other empires. Kent The Channel Tunnel crystallises the dynamic process of articulating differences and similarities.
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Set in the backdrop of an epic technological war these engineered amazons were designed to do one thing: kill. Engage in huge open-world PvP, or in a frenzied battle of supremacy in epic 50v50, 80v80 battlegrounds.
11 - Now you are cursed because of the ground, which has opened its mouth to receive your brother's blood from your hand. 15 - The LORD said to him, "Therefore whoever slays Cain, vengeance will be taken on him sevenfold." the LORD appointed a sign for Cain, so that anyone finding him would not strike him. 19 - Lamech took two wives: the name of the first one was Adah, and the name of the second one was Zillah.
20 - Adah gave birth to Jabal, who was the father of those who dwell in tents and have livestock. 21 - His brother's name was Jubal, who was the father of all who handle the harp and pipe.
22 - Zillah also gave birth to Tubal Cain, the forger of every cutting instrument of brass and iron.
23 - Lamech said to his wives,"Adah and Zillah, hear my voice.You wives of Lamech, listen to my speech,for I have slain a man for wounding me,a young man for bruising me. While everyone else spends a great deal of time in serious contemplation of the games events, Goons continue to post cat pictures, make crude jokes, and somehow emerge on top. If Goons number one goal is to have fun it is likely they would avoid anything like a protracted campaign at all costs.
Over the thousands of years since, the Jovians have experimented with every kind of genetic modification their technology allowed. They are mainly about four feet tall, and their skin is a grayish yellow, their veins clearly visible. Their superior technology has enabled them to infiltrate the other races with bugging devices and sensors, giving them unrivaled access to information, which they use to maintain their strong position among the races. For this and other reasons it remains very much closed to the other races, and few foreigners reside within the Jove Empire. Within the space of only a few centuries they had recovered, and were once again running an advanced society. The Statics regard themselves as observers that should interfere as little as possible with the rest of New Eden. Even though the collapse of the EVE Gate had a negative effect on the Jovian society, the effect was only minor and the Jove quickly recovered back to a state of being an advanced society within a few centuries.


In a desperate attempt to finally rid themselves of the Jovian Disease, as no cure was found, the Jovians decided to abandon their home worlds in Curse and settle in the regions J7HZ-F and A821-A where their third Empire is residing to this day. Despite the reallocation of home worlds the Jovian Disease is still prevalent among the Jovian society continuing their steady decline.
Whether by sword, gun, whip or even giant armored suits (mechs), these females are experts at their trade.
Their celebration of the absurdity of internet culture has allowed them to amass a huge following and Goonswarm Federation is now one of the largest political alliances in EVE. As their powers grew, they began to believe they were capable of anything, and this led them into increasingly more bizarre mutations of their bodies and minds, a policy rigorously backed up by strict governmental control. The Jovians sell a lot of their advanced technology equipment to the other races and it is this, more than anything else, which keeps the others at bay.
The Jove tried many things to fight against the disease, but found that their advanced technology was ineffective against it.
Modifiers have a lower life expectancy than that of other Jove and are more susceptible to the Jovian Disease. They believe they are as genetically evolved as they can be and generally frown upon large-scale genetic engineering programs.
Despite their power they have remained as silly as ever, taking any setbacks with a shrug and a laugh. Despite the new founding, they have not recovered the splendor of their first empire as the disease within them keeps them from reproducing, thus preventing them from increasing their numbers sufficiently for their current empire to flourish. It seems that by constantly living on the edge makes them susceptible to the disease much faster. Craig Johnson, Yaacov Kuc, Chuck Smith, Jim Darden, Ron Haaland, The Translators of the KJV, and many others including Jesus, the Word of God.
With such a pronounced loss caused by such a silly mistake we have to wonder how Goonswarm will respond.



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